Zendo Lecture

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tiger his words

good morning
this morning i want to talk about something that i've thought about
for several years
while in this training and certainly for many years before that in my other life
we color to the nature
ah but first
want to tell her short version of a short story
once upon a time there was an ugly duckling
but she wasn't always an ugly duckling before that she was an egg
and she was this egg was in the nest with several with many other duck eggs and on top of the eggs was a mother duck chua
love them all even though one of these eggs her egg was our big
it was much larger than the other eggs
the mother consult her friends
and they decided that it certainly wasn't
well they lived at a farm so there only are only three kinds of bird type
things that came out of eggs one was a chicken certainly wasn't a chicken egg the other was a turkey might be a turkey
but they decided that they were just wait and see and if it took to the water it was a duck
so being a mother she she loved them all so she sat on them and the others
through the others are hatched eventually but the big egg took too much longer to hatch
which was odd something different about this egg
but finally it did how to know popped the scrawny albeit very large
aren't so it had to be a duck wasn't a chicken but it might have been to turkey
but they decided pretty soon it was a it was a dark but it was so different
they call it ugly which is which is a word used to describe something really different
i agree agree agree agree agree
and for some reason they are impressed that upon this poor little duckling
so that damn soon to she saw herself as agree i mean there was no question about it she was just ugly
and nobody liked her
the other ducks and chickens all hector that's what done
birds seem to do with things i don't like the pack them
and try to kill them if they can because not only if something is agree it's also presumed week and the week must be destroyed
in most of nature
she had
she was tall that was her first mistake
she had a long neck
the other ducks don't have long necks and they're not tall they're very small one morning i was sitting out by the creek and new summer and a mother duck came by with twelve little ducklings are like ping balls bobbing
after their mother it was the most beautiful and was really sweet cute
no matter where she went
a but ah
they are all the same size
the little ducklings okay so this one to make the short story shorter
we had a terrible terrible time
the she knew she was really ugly but not only ugly she them and also shamed so she thought she was also a bad not only agree about bad just because she was are different and she had a she was born i guess in the summer and had a very very bad long winter she finally left
her family and as it turned out she wasn't a turkey because she really love the water
and sure
she roamed around the countryside and one day she managed to look up and she sought is a flock of giant white birds with long necks and they were so beautiful a gigantic wings and ah she she had no idea what they were but somehow she was drawn to them so something about their beauty in there
grace that struck something in her
and so she went about our business and she stayed with the human family for a while and they were no much they were not much better because the the the cat in the family wanted the duckling to be a cat and the ah what's the other one
cat on something else well as another animal but then other animal wanted the duckling to be like that too so whatever she was she was the wrong thing so she left them eventually
and share your
in the marsh
that winter and it was called but you survived and then i just want to to conclude come to the ending of the story by reading by reading of the the endings for a short
ah spring spring came to the marsh
oh it was so lovely here and all the freshness of spring and straight ahead out of the thicket came three beautiful white swans ruffling their feathers and floating so lightly on the water the duckling recognize the splendid creatures and was overcome with a strange feeling of melancholy
i will fly across to them those royal birds they will pick me to death for daring ugly as i am to go near them never mind better to be killed by them then be nipped by the ducks pecked by the hands kicked by the girl who minds the poultry and suffer hardship in winter
and so she flew out onto the water and swam towards the beautiful swans
as they caught sight of her they darted with ruffled feathers to meet her
yes kill me kill me cried the poor creature and bowed her head to the water awaiting death
but what did she see their in the clear stream
it was a reflection of herself that she saw on front of her but no longer a clumsy grayish bird ugly and unattractive know she was herself a swan
it doesn't matter about being born in a dockyard as long as you are hatched from a swan's egg she felt positively glad at having gone through so much hardship and want it helped her to appreciate all the happiness and beauty that there were to welcome her later
and the three great swans swam round and round and stroked her with their beaks
question there is a little moral there isn't there are them it was hard to miss that oliver hardship will be rewarded later
but that's not what i that's not where i wanted to go with that
so that they listening to people's way seeking my talks i suspect it was obvious that so many of us come here ah having felt as we were growing up that there had been some mistake made
that perhaps we
somehow are egg got in the wrong nest
that somehow we didn't that we were never quite understood or that our values seem to be different but any rate we felt that we didn't belong
there were didn't quite fit that whoever we were
the clear message was don't be you don't you be be like us
be a duck periodic
if if the if the folks are the people we hang out with were good were really good at it we did become them but later on in life that that doesn't that can last for too long i don't think without a lot of suffering
so we come to a place like this
folks that are of great spiritual achievement
all seem to speak out of our true nature
and that's certainly did catch my my attention
when was it may be in my twenties i guess that there might be there might be something that's a true nature because certainly there's one that i'm experiencing doesn't seem to be true doesn't seem to fit
what they also say is that our true nature is usually hidden from us
which doesn't seem like much of a deal
ask it you know why why why why is it hidden why can't we see it
well in buddhism it seems that any time we avoid are suffering were trying to avoid are suffering we enter the world of delusion
with its children greed and hatred and misinformation
stories and thoughts like know you're you're not a buddha
the fact you really shouldn't be you you should be like us
also the five scandals with which we perceive the world
i'm really really so good they're rather limited in what we can see
so a lot in a large way we're not really equipped so well to to find our true nature and if we have no need to we probably won't probably won't even try
in in christianity and judaism it's said that down we can't see who we really are because of our dualistic discriminating mind believe it or not
this that at some appear is mainly in the garden of eden story most people think that it's about it's why why life is so ugly because we were bad in the beginning
but the story really is about tem adam and eve
being at one with the garden and at one with god until they ate of a certain tree and it wasn't just that it was a naughty tree it was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil so if the tree of duality right wrong this that new me god
so in other words all the relationships were broken
and so god center and i think maybe a gay role as gabriel with a flaming sword and kicked them out and they could never ever ever ever ever go back again
because it turns out they didn't really have to because our question in these terms is not to go back to the garden of eden couple took a back to the one is to go what in those terms to the new jerusalem which is a whole new being in other words are true nature our true nature isn't unconscious
it's vibrantly conscious
so so that's true nature than if trip with does exist and i think probably we each of us have had a hint of had a taste of our true deep nature otherwise i don't think we would have made the trip
so so where is it well so then the argument arises well is it inside or outside you know when reading the lotus sutra
i think the think the biggest thing that was smacked me in the head is no it's outside it's outside it's like got it's like a jewel is given to you it's like the rain that falls on everything equally it's like it's outside the burning house outside
well the other the that's usually that the approach of evangelists people who are trying to convert others to know if i'm a person who doesn't think much about these things but still things are uncomfortable i will probably respond to something
coming to me from the outside because i certainly don't see it on the inside
so that's a special trick with the tv of angeles
if you if you only take on a belief or if you only turn over your life or something like that to something else or someone else then everything will be much better well the the other side of that the inside part is is the mystics so-called mystics
and where they say it's it's all within you in fact jesus said that to the kingdom of god it is within you and why why the folks why the ones and chives like that day i do not understand
common folk that they are god
very dangerous
one of the one of the early saints st augustine and one of his more lucid moments said
what he was talking about the eternal birth of god which is going on rather subtle notion but but the lotus sutra speaks for to that that the buddha is it's not only temporal but eternal
and so augustan and in talking about this eternal birth that that god is always being born
all the time he said what does it avail me if this birth is always happening if it doesn't happen in me that it should happen in me as what matters and that's what know what a cool thing to say what does it to me if it doesn't touch me
and there's another one of the other mistakes my most urquhart much later said between god and your own soul there is no between so whatever this to nature is
it's something very very close
so is it is it is it inside is it outside is at both is it neither i or is it just unfathomable
and so what occurred to me and thinking about this was well well how how do we determine what's real how do we actually determine how do we find out how do we know what's real what's really happening
and you know i'm i don't think we do i i don't think we do know what's real ordinarily speaking
i think i think reality is incredibly difficult to grasp
of course it is i mean by its very nature that's ungraspable
but it does show itself
and what i was what i saw that came to me was some
of this inside outside this or that visit both or is something something else is something beyond i was thinking about light light you know that
that when we look at light through instruments which enhance our five scandals what we do notice is that it's either a particle or a wave
depends on which instrument you're using and what you're looking for
so the the particle or the wave or like the many that's that's the many that many manifestations of light right to of the many ah
so but what is the one the many in the one the one is the word light i should thank you know what we see
but what is that light it's which alas just a word or concept an idea that has no no existence in it at all
but then i think you know dogan says leap beyond the one in the many
i think i think that's where the true nature is found when you leave beyond the one and the many not that we leave ourselves but we allow it to happen
i say something about that and second
ah to to leap beyond the one and the many is to is to know the reality and the reality is unfathomable and i was thinking about that too in that you know if you think of your finger mean i know if this is a finger and you know i know a lot about it
it's teched the rest of me that's very helpful but if i were to look at that with a magnifying glass as oh my goodness there's more to this than i thought if i were to look at at it under a microscope
i'd be surprised good and say know this was here and if i were to stick it under an electron microscope which you can do that sort of thing i don't know know well but if you could i suspect i'd find even more that i was totally unaware of and so point point is the reality whatever it is comes
wheatley eludes me and i think that's probably the way it should be
otherwise i would get in even more greater sense of control feeling of control
finding out our true nature ah are true to truly who we are how do you have you do that how do you find that will dog and says some
i at least this is when you find your place right where you are enlightenment unfolds in other words when we find our place right where we are than we find out who we are or what we are but we find out our reality or buddha nature
so an end
and as far as i can see and we find this reality by first discovering our delusions that hide and obscure it from us you know in the what is it in them
who comes as angry well one of those were dogan says buddhists know that they are deluded they don't always know that their enlightened not that was really cool because i think what we can know precisely our our delusions since we make them up or they've been given to us
the discriminating mind makes up delusions so that we can be protected from from pain
somehow if we find our place right where where we are we will realize that we actually do belong here that would actually do belong in the nest even though our egg is big

also there's also something about that too it's not as if reality is a thing can i mean it's it's not it's not really a a thing like other things that once once we spotted we can then give it a name and put it in a box and for ever have to be useful to us apparently being enlight
and about our true nature isn't an experience
in other words there's no observer of you're observing this thing over here you're actually at one with them with what is happening with what is happening
so you know so in other words if you can't ask somebody of their enlightened the question doesn't make any sense some accent
it's not as if i am experiencing enlightenment that's not what it is it's annoying
what's real and that's not an experience
i'm so so what is it done even though it's a reality or are buddha nature is an unfathomable inconceivable
it does have attributes
or at least we can pins on to pinch them on it
one person that i particularly like these days is a psychologist who talks about this is true self and one thing he has said is it contains the compassion it contains the vision and perspective we would call wisdom the confidence we would call face to live an inner
an external life of harmony and sensitivity no part in the inner an external ah but our true self apparently as compassionate it's wise
it is has caught it is confident and it is able to live in harmony in and sensitivity
oh huber
homes must have your period of i suspect
it says that i well i think of her as the queen of slogans she has the most she has a slogan for absolutely every occasion this one in particular she says anything other than compassion his ego
in other words like delude itself
is everything but compassion
when your ex so when you are compassion you are acting from your true self
in other words
ah haku in the us attorney who i think use contemporary i think he's it ruins i i suspect
she says that are buddha nature is unfixed it's devoid of mass beyond individuality personality and imagination it's inconceivable and inscrutable
yet we can always awakened to it because we are it
another buddhist teacher was also a psychologist done david brasier says when our conditioning is abandoned
which is what we do in our practice obviously we we deal with our conditioning trying to abandon it
then the manas relaxes the manas is that consciousness that you bus have been made up to explain why would why i think i'm the same now as i was a second ago if there's something that we that that this solid go through time relatively solid and goes through time the manas relaxes the elia consciousness settles
in elia is all that sticky nasty stuff of karma which gives us a feeling of on that that's something last that that i last so when these two things relax and settle than the mind fills up with radiance from below that would be the buddha than the buddha nature another word
eads when we do our practices in order to get out of our own way what arises is the radiance of our true nature isn't that nice
so how do we how do we let it rise well first of all we have to be therefore it which i think probably is the hardest thing to try to make a decision to actually stay awake how bizarre would want to do that but we do we braved the terror of say
and the sort of the things that we used to in this awakening are forms
and i alluded to form at some point oh i know it was i was talking to the tank oreo students but i ran across in the this kaleidoscope
ah the the pink book car on the lotus sutra there's an article in thereby japanese guide titled so you know and he's talking about term
the lotus sutra but he mentions the idea of form or kata in martial arts training and i thought this was the best thing i've ever seen on inform
he says
he says the the training
yeah is it as kata or form or mold originated in the mastery of know dance and performance this training involves three stages physical psychological and spiritual on the physical level the mastery of form is the crux of the training a model is demonstrated
by the teacher and the burden of learning is on the student who repeatedly observes and emulates the model until the form is completely internalized this is like bowing
eating or aoki
in zazen any any of the forms that we use we do it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until we can't stand it and we do it more and more and more more until we become it this results in a centered stance ambidextrous movement fluid performance and subtle body and my
it's all there are also psychological changes that occur in practicing the forms
says the monotonous repetition of form practice tests the students commitment sincerity willpower emotional stability and inner strength
doesn't it
but most importantly it reduces stubbornness
curves willfulness and eliminate bad habits of body
with the investment of time and effort psycho physical maturity takes place ultimately leading to the complete mastery of form which ensures maximum performance art history and power
then he goes on to say that the highest achievement however this spiritual
which is the displacement
get this is the displacement of a rigid ego self
god forbid with a fluid integrate itself which can break free of form so that their appear spontaneously spontaneously the unique flowering of talent individual creativity and uncanny resonance with reality
sign me up
so form
will do all this stuff which is which is in a way of like enacting our our true nature those things described by true nature
the precepts
by following the precepts that's behaving as a buddha it's behaving as a real honest to god honest-to-goodness human being
who is undiluted so every time we follow the precepts we are we are actualizing are our buddha nature our true nature
upright posture sitting upright is how a buddha sits is how it buddha meets reality reality actually can only be met an upright posture neither leaning left and right not for or back
you know i think when i think of this i think of well is there anybody who are actually
turned out to be the right egg and right nest
and when i came to me was on
the dalai lama whom i never really used to say this in public i never really liked so much because i couldn't relate to him
somebody that that kind and that open and forgiving and compassionate what is that to do with me
well now i'm older now and can you imagine what must be like to be raised as a buddha not will probably not time i can't
maybe you can but here's here's a guy who since he was a little tiny tyke
don't think he ever got the impression he wasn't a buddha
but he wasn't that with that he wasn't the embodiment of compassion and wisdom and not only that you just taught that over and over and over again and treated kindly and respectfully i see if the movie's true
and what and what that produces is i know this this amazing person astounding person
thankfully it's never too late to start
so we can jump on the train that train any time
ah so to end all this son
know emmanuel kant
in one of the things that he that i was able to understand he said he said that we act as if in order to become
and the lotus sutra he talks about that note you must practice hard to become who you really are
there's that how can i possibly make sense but it does
in christianity there's an expression that the time is coming and now is
the future present is is that way that speaking of our place in time and space
so so so we act as if by doing our practices our practice we act like a buddha an authentic human being
ah so in other words we are reconditioning ourselves to be who we really are because we aren't we all have had expert conditioning otherwise expert expert and so here we're to recondition so that we can leap free of of the whole business between find out who we are
really are
so that what we actually what we learn here will serve as for the rest of our lives
excellent this time ah
when other questions or comments
on first may ask when it's about time to the kitchen leave
tundra king or with
got too much time for questions
oh yes
talking about these things it's sort of easier you know you know face to face little room
when you find you who you really are it's not an it and it's not a who
how's that
i'm as i'm yes tiny
roshi said that it's not dumb it's not about individuality it's not about personality it's not personal the personal is the ego i am this i'm that enlightenment isn't about that at all far as i can tell
because when you act from who you really are your your behavior is always appropriate


neither leaning left nor right nor forward and back

i want that
i don't want that
i don't think this is good
i think it's very good
that's leaning
so we are so am i correct me if i'm wrong we're all very good at that that's a skill we don't have to cultivate
i saw on so what we're trying to come current cultivators is the upright stance the upright posture and i'm not necessarily
i don't mean that literally but in terms of practice it definitely literally no way when we sit we were practicing that a hopefully that we can take that out of the a room with us incidentally you know that the reason why we keep our eyes open is so that tem when we're out there
we can be upright because our eyes are open
if we only know how to be upright with our eyes closed them to be operate outside would have to click keep them close all the time which would be a hazard




oh did i say that i give you an impression this is bad news
yeah well
last year
right right
well that's ok then they're okay because what mean like adam and eve for example
weren't kicked out just because they are they're awful they were kicked out because that was the next step you know when someone tells you don't eat that know i know it looks good but don't eat it what're you gonna do going to eat it
so i mean the next step in their development you know they knew the one we know the one in the womb apparently apparently ah
who could have told me that doesn't it well whatever
but once we know the one then we have to know the other
the ego has to develop otherwise we can cross the street apparently but for whatever reason that that's the way the a human being develops we develop an ego some of us develop i'm really functional lens some of us develop
very hurt ones wounded ones but in a way it doesn't really matter what matters is practice
a completely accepting ah
well it's all delusion you know i mean like now that i'm anything anything i say is not quite right to know if i say i'm really really terrific and special is that any different from i'm i'm the worst
so in a way that the what what brought your ego into development doesn't matter so much but it's it's it's doing the practice you're putting the practice onto it i think where where we wake up
what would become who we truly are which is compassionate and wise and confident
that's week

i don't don't you after while can when you think you'd think of your parents and what they didn't know or what they did
kind of looking back now so well geez what like what other choice did they have given given their circumstances and ah and given me know what what choice was there probably not much have we not much plus having come from a different planet also
came into it
ah don't you find when you look back
things seem to make sense a little bit or even if they don't it's okay because what i find it's it's all right i can let it rest only if i truly accept myself now if i don't and i won't

like so much you can accept
yeah yeah definitely so that i just read yesterday cetera
he says
yes yeah and it reminds me as
same thing yep yeah
by leaning into it without my being aware of it it's just it's just like i'm being so sound asleep that i'll say maha prize
hi mika
so what i happen
with that it's funny but there's also it's really easy to go
judge in our site at which i i had to spend
you can bring it up front and mine still does yes you're speaking of your own sarcasm or mine which i hope isn't which was actually just yeah so i guess how or that an orderly when happen it's a barrier located
yes yes
oh yes yes because i'm because her identity is at stake
hope we think we honor is at stake and and that's very dangerous for us
you know put us but as know about their delusion so so a buddha weight and awakened one when they see themselves when they feel themselves leaning to ah leaning like awakened to know any anything that them like like judgment or sarcasm now same thing ah judge my
no less compassion right oh your knees oh your sarcasm now that's fluctuation
oh yeah please don't get me wrong i'm not against suffering i think it's i think it's the it's the only gate i think it's the only gate into who we really are
that could read enough

why does taking the farm too seriously and getting of passion
slap and then awesome
well i don't see any difference i don't i don't see the penalty out of problem
i think if your no i don't see that as a parameter at all
yeah don't think about it as a problem
and know if you only have one arm this is gosh all if you can't do that than this is gosh on
i don't see it from damage that
the guy you understand that or
it thought
about learning
through repetition
he said that
well you know habit i think is i think has a bad rap and then even even the word habit i mean who wants to be used told they have a habit
now or
i was thinking about that to come and what i
i thought about was
so what
i have habits and there are
and they're escalator version of addictions because the same
him and i have a habit of coming to the zendo so some habits are wholesome other habits are unwholesome if i come to the zendo out of habit that's a pretty good thing if i know i'm coming to the zendo out of habit that's even better

that moment
do that
in life
about ah
i like lightning
if and it's not it's weekends friday
with a strategy
the scheme her
my experiences with he had
my vision happen
that food
yeah very a memory

ah what i find myself com
i was thinking about should rephrase the question but i don't think i can
oh i think
oh oh when the
if i lose myself for templates it's easy to lose myself being a doshi for some reason and
and when i noticed that the self consciousness comes right in and says wow that was really great like going through rufus and they somebody's gotta make a move me of me and this or aoki stuff than their ball false advertising
self consciousness is usually right there right behind but i think that's okay too
hmm i think it's ok
maybe i haven't understood the question
i guess there's something you need it right
at that truly
oh you do after you do after at the time at the time it it's okay yeah
twice i'm impatient
i don't mean to give that impression but yeah that's what i find know that sometimes you say home my goodness gracious wow
and then all i just noticed that can kill me
think i think he goes very strong bearish on
it was really wants it wants everything now wants awakening it likes those moments of when it actually likes those moments and is frightened by when we when it drops away i think
oh wow
back when the field for changing reddit
others said order how much
i want how much suffering world and
oh i asked ah dota
that again that way
they are on the site of now
is it that a separate bowl
light and dark is suffering
something other
the middle ways is the beyond i think
that's a good question no i didn't answer i didn't answer you we're in the car
yes if if all you see as the live in the dark that's that's really awful
then if you see that the darkness there is liked and enlight there is darkness that's more of the truth but then then hopefully through practice
does a beep
and it can be merely just realizing oh light and darkness they're only words i'd pay for this amazing reality for the the amazing truth is that this type this as far as i am in this process
i just find it how can help one another slab
guess why
yeah it's hard isn't it done somebody else has been that questioning and that you have to hear that one i think i can maybe repeat that one oh it was how how do we see the swan and each other said to each other
mlp and help each other be swans so to speak kind of how do we recognize on
the buddha in each of us and how do we help in that recognition how do we help each other in that recognition well you know sometimes i think it's just a matter of i'm trusting ah well if you found out that you are swan there won't be so hard to see others as one
i personally have an advantage i think cause i get to see people like face to face where they were they they open themselves up i mean i don't know that they know that they're revealing how beautiful they are but that's what i that's what i say so so that's that's very easy for me
but i know but i forget i forget but i think the every time i remind myself that gets a little stronger do like norman fischer said something that i remembered ah he said they don't we
i say we never ever have enough information to condemn somebody
where to judged somebody there's always much much more to the person than what we think
we're just there are just that behavior for example
doesn't mean i don't judge don't get me wrong could i certainly do what i found is these days and it's quite surprising is that i'll be sitting over there are feeling responsible for the form of the universe
why i don't know i think what's in the job description and i'll see i'll see an infraction
or and then enough this is this
ash comes up a fan of anger or put is a tattle know what it is discontent or something but they just as quickly and i was when i first started the job i had a pad of paper right next to me with a pencil
so i could help you even more
but but after a while i noticed that if i if i didn't do that if i didn't put in concrete if you just go away and forgot about a completely i prefer that
and i don't i don't ruminate about it even if i try some maybe i'm just losing my mind to vote
father doesn't my critical memory doesn't last salon anymore
well i asked on michael winger from city center was city centre i asked him what does this thing what is this for what is it he said when you hold it buddha's appear
thank you buddhists