Wednesday Lecture

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is
the case
us words

good evening

last week i went to tough for her to help with
the ceremony called the dharma transmission ceremony
which was a for and dan layton key and tension read anderson
ah
enacted the ceremony together
and
my role amy was called preceptor
or instructor so part of the initiation is receiving teachings and as with all initiations
altro initiations have certain parts to them including and what you might call or deal or some physical
ha ha difficulties that's part of the ceremony and teachings are received during the ceremony and then
there's often seclusion there's some time of secretion
so there are certain elements that show up in all different cultures for all different kinds of initiations

and it was wonderful to be a tesseract springtime the maple blossoms
our out they don't make maple blossom tempura anymore too much fat nothing fry we have to take the maple blossoms
when they are very young new and make tempura batter and
that was a very special luncheon zendo tempura with miss maple blossoms but
it's gone the way are things i guess
and i was looking forward to going down there are participating in the ceremony and i we had had a one day sitting on monday and then monday night was a class and i left tuesday morning pretty early got up and packed and went down and as i was driving down
i began to get a headache
and that feel so well
thinking that it was just
you know just the rigors of getting up early and a long drive and so forth but i i got sicker and sicker when i got to test to her
ah i was i got very very sick
so my plan had been to arrive
get right into helping with the ceremony in working with teigen and mason was down there as gisha working with her and
grab it seemed as a her up people on and there was a ceremony scheduled for that afternoon were in i would be shown my new seat as the abbess since i hadn't been there since being installed so
there was a ceremony planned and and i got so sick i couldn't do anything i couldn't go to the ceremony and i ended up going to bed just crawled into bed and got thicker and thicker
it was a twenty four hour thing
so it was over by the next day right about the same time as i went down but the m you know it wasn't supposed to be that way right i was supposed to arrive with great dignity and you know the abbess comes down from going out to help with the ceremony and i
and it tests are in particular for those of you have been there to go to bed you know because there is a big deal and a better i did and while i was lying in bed and in the stone stone three
i couldn't move i was nauseous so i couldn't move very much and these angels came into the room and they moved through the space they made a fire and they gave me homeopathic medicines and they
made sure i had enough blankets and t and and they would hover about wearing black robes you know in in the darkness and the a kerosene lamp smelled so terrible because i was nauseous you know so they got a special lamp they didn't there was a battery lamp
and down
and i was just taking care of so while i was lying there in bed i got okay kid now's the chance to practice aiko henshaw turn the light back you know this what you've been talking about for the last week so so here you are in this dire situation so now let's see if you can
do ah put your money where your mouth if for a
so so i tried to turn the light back but i so thick i couldn't
focus here i couldn't my intention was just
if things were so changed because i it was it was very violent throwing up and of i could not find my way you know
which is what they say you know what you you read that
get close to death it's very hard to practice cause it's very hard
because the changes come so rapidly in and there's disorientation and dissolving of your usual sense of the way things are and this was just this mini mini
i'm meeting with that you know i actually haven't been that sick and a long long time
but it was just twenty four hours you know and then i woke up that i slipped in and it was gone in there was well being coursing through
so
this was a big encouragement for me to practice hard ah
and
this idea of this isn't how it was supposed to be i was supposed to you know arrive with dignity i was supposed to the area is some you know we can think in that way about
what's happened to us what our life has been like it shouldn't have been this way if not fair ah
i met i feel that that kind of thinking is not very helpful thinking
ah
it almost robs us of actually practicing right now
not that we don't study our lives and steady the patterns and so forth but
the kind of mine that says but they were supposed to be an alternative to this to just this
i think undermines undermines her
our way seeking minor undermines our practice
and it reminded me of speaking with my mother who after my dad had a stroke and was paralyzed and partially paralyzed and in a wheel chair and they couldn't drive and they had to move into an assisted living
situation she often said you know we never thought it would be this way we would we never never thought we would end up living in a place like this even though it was a very nice place still communal meal sort of like them center you know you have your own place but then you you go to the dining room for the meals and
she would say that we never thought it would be honest way
a who would have really this was a kind of re-frame
ha
which i think made it harder to be there actually ah
and just making the best of are finding out or studying what this is what of s assisted living practices ah
there is kind of a loop of he wasn't supposed to be this way we were supposed to i don't know what
what dreams and fantasies we entertain about how it's supposed to be how we're going to end our days ah

so i was really in this book called the whole hearted way which is a translation of dog adventures bend or why whole hearted way it translated by taken dan layton and
ah with a commentary it taken down layton with show huck okamura son and this is the translation of binge-watch and commentary by gucci amorosi who is choco commerce teacher and
and he's talking about
death

i think before i want to read this part he was saying how when he's gotten older and it's harder to sit zazen as you get older and he he mentions there's just a few priests he knows who her like over sixty five are in their eighties who do sessions still nobody but
but often it's it becomes too difficult and as we get older so he
was doing another practice of chanting the name of comes a on both sides who are or guanyin bodhisattva cans a on and
and
ah so he says when we are
it is almost impossible to eliminate selfish desires when we are driven to the last extreme it is only natural to scream for help without thinking it is absolutely all right to scream for help in such situations and yet in reality in most cases know
one will come to help us
in the reality of life we scream helped me since this is the reality of life we should be purely as we are just screaming is enough when we suffer when we have a hard time or when we are in a desperate situation we just chant namu cans
a on or statue in the same way so his practice of anomalous like homage to kanzi own bodhisattva
in kanzi on is translated at the con means to observe or a c or contemplate
ah
and xeon at the cries of the world we often hear it is translated as to regard the cries of the world or to observe the cries of the world to contemplate or see and no gmo she translates will translate its it a little differently he says to see the sounds of the world
old
to see the sounds of the world
ah so are the suffering of our world the suffering of people we love our own suffering
yeah to have the mind of kanzi on that regards this that watches observes contemplates
and listens to the cries of the world part of this observing is listening
so he has a practice of are chanting namo kanzi on bizarre to over and over and he feels there is a way of chanting without gaining idea without trying to change your circumstances just a cry
try of help just crying out or this screen you know of suffering and ah
and he sees a gmo she feels that this kind of chanting is not different than zazi and when done with
no gaining idea no no seeking for anything different no alternatives just the reality of your crying out

so today i gotta call from a sister my mother just this is an update on my mother's situation she fell and broke her hip in december and has been in a nursing home
for about four months and monday she was moved to a new assisted let my father died this summer and she's by herself in a new assisted living place near to where my sister lives in chicago
and i have been there in the summer packing up her stuff sorting throwing away reading old letters
giving to good will giving away plants and all the those of you who have done this for your parents it's a huge job and she wasn't able to help at all
because she was in the nursing home with this broken hip so here my sister and i did this impact it up and it's been in chicago waiting in the moving van storage until she was ready to leave the nursing home which she was able to heal she's walking again so
so my sister we found this place a beautiful apartment in the assisted living place in chicago and my sister moved her stuff in and we are idea was let's get it so that when my mother walks in the dark it's it's her apartment again and all are things that she's familiar with
and the pictures on the wall and the candy and candy dish and the clothes in the drawers and the towels and toilet paper in the whole thing done and that's what my sister did with friends and her husband and they worked like little
little ants unpacking you know
the egg cup collection all in the chat in the shelf in the whole thing my sister would call me to keep me posted how she bought the candy for the candy dish i felt western that was really the touch you know it kissed my mother often has always has candy the candy dish so then she flew to get my mother she flew to minnesota
had a lunch and to say goodbye to the relatives because they may never see her again
flew to chicago my mother is exhausted she walked in and she loved it it was great it was all her things and
that was monday
what's today today's wednesday so tuesday
you know didn't go that well she forgot to take her pills various things happen and that day my sister called me to say
it was just terrible it was terrible she called her crying i don't want to live anymore i'm i'm sorry i'm not saying all this
a personal things
you know the whole thing fell apart the whole thing and my sisters
she wasn't so like after i had a but it was like it wasn't supposed to be this way it was gonna be perfect we thought of everything there was fresh flowers there was new towels
but i know you know it's how it is it is
the exact reality of what it is which is
you know life suffering it's not working out on that well
ah
so we do our best in our house trying to talk with my sister you did your best you know because of course right away is what could i have done more couldn't they have what how about what searching and are mine out to
couldn't i have done something better couldn't have been morse thought of more things
ah
but no this is some she did her best my mother's probably trying to do her best am sure she's trying to do her best and still the reality of our life is we can't control these things we can't make it happen we can't manipulate every bit of the environment so it's
gonna be just fine it's too
it's out of control now is just out of control
so how do you practice year wow stay close you don't run away
and you don't know ah
the mind of don't know is or eight now now it's wednesday ah
and what's needed today there's no way of getting it all set
so you know makes you want to cry out for cons a on you know somebody save me somebody can somebody hear the cries of the world here can somebody hear who's listening to the cries the world
and comes a on bosa to kanzi on bodhisattva crimean ah
have a low-key dish for is another name for this same boat he served for who's ah
has the mind of compassion is just compassion listening and in lotus sutra there's you may know about the twenty fifth chapter of the lotus sutra is all about the practice of
it's called this translations as the all sightedness of the bodhisattva regard or of the cries of the world and it tells about ah when you're in trouble and when things are going badly and when there's fire and robbers and all sorts of things
cry out for call her it comes a own is to one who hears the crash the world or regards them it's this observing and seeing
and part of you know in the heart sutra ids of a low-key dish for ah when practicing deeply the prussian a meta is probably the old translation i clearly saw that all five scandals are empty and thus relieved all suffering so have a look
t dish for our connie and
ah sees his wisdom seeing sees with wisdom and has compassion together
so here's the cries of the world and has compassion for those beings who are crying out and yet sees the five scandals or what we understand as as self
r mtf separate self our own being but there's compassion there so that's the kind of budisa for that
kwan yin can't a only so just one to read you a little bit from there's a long chapter than it's all set again in verse which is the way off in the suit reserve
listen to the deeds of the cry regarder who will respond to every quarter
this is
in masculine so i'll i'll do some masculine in some feminine his vast vow his deepest the see inconceivable in its aeons serving many thousands of cooties of buddha's she has bowed a great pure wow let me briefly tell you she who hears her
name and sees her and bears her unremittingly in mind will be able to end the sorrows of existence
though others with harmful intent throw her into a burning pit let him think of the cry regard power and the firepit will become a pool or driven along a great ocean in peril of dragons fishes and demons let him think of the cry regard power and waves can not submerge him
or if from the peak of tomorrow men would hurl her down letter think of the cry regard power and like the sun she will stand firm in the sky and so on and so forth this bring to mind the one who hears the cries of the world when when you're in trouble ah
and there's there's a great this is a kind of
devotion practice you might say or ah
but we often are in feel so troubles and so at our at the end that ah we don't know anything to do but to scream out or cry out or ask for help either internally or are actually
ah an external cry as well
so the one who hears the cries of the world or observes and this sound seer
ah sometimes counting on has called the sound seer you know a seer like a profit or one who has clairvoyance clear vision is a seer but it's a sound seer it's a seer of sound so i think that maybe where you okay i'm against the m
ah the one who sees the sounds of the world because the name can be translated as sound seer
no
i wanted to play something we we brought this boombox in which was humorous i think to see matt with the boombox and one and the insects and other
because i wanted to play a song it out that i played once before and one day sitting and i remembered jeanette was here for that one day sitting and she said afterwards boys really your party today or something like that it's a rock and roll it's a classic rock and roll song that i never heard that it was
some of you may have heard it by lorraine somebody who may have been at that one day sitting but lorraine ellingson
and she's not that well known i'd never heard the song
but and terry gross his radio program fresh air a man who was a rock and roll historian brought this record feeling it was
the most
marvelous a rhythm and blues
that he'd ever heard and
she was a kind of mistake she came to a
frank sinatra was supposed to do this recording there is a full orchestra ready for him but he he didn't make it and so she was there doing some other at the recording studio doing something else and they ended up recording this song with this full orchestra company behind it so it's unusual for her and aren't
designed to have this full background music but she am
a in terms of cry to the world t m
you feel like you know she's putting out this crime that she can't get any more heartfelt than that and then she tops that and then she tops that so
so let's see shall we have the
i think that boombox goes pretty pretty high volume
so let's let's him but if we can hear everywhere we can use by mike that let's try it see addis
he's not playing that matter is
it was right ready the go off it's not

while we rewind a little bit

technical difficulties

moving on why are doing this
is it on radio or something they have gone now who can do wanna put it on the other side stroke
okay we're all primed and now it's
that's i'm back in a butcher

well exactly why aren't you play know sounds coming out
let's be with local
right right
jaime and helped me
right now
no because power
one
to have a tape recorder brim
i
she
two
i can't sing if you really are and have been ah how disappointing
does anybody have a boombox close at hand and cuddle

one section for
is it is a close

number four know
press for what
mombasa was coming up the rim cat from control speakers

well while we're working at matt
you know we've been talking about aiko henshaw and turning the like back and
there's a a passage in this
about crowns a owner the sound of seer and using sound as a gateway to understanding how to turn turn the light back so
ha i was going to tie it all together with that and
i'll just stop
so the v
the admonition to
ah think of the mind that thinks turn the light back and shine it in the students said the teacher says
but there are many ways of access to the principal i will point out one entry way by which you can return to the source do you hear the coin of the crows and the chattering of the jays
do you hear the frogs
and the students as i hear them
the teachers is now turn around and listen to your hearing essence are there's still so many sounds in it
so the instruction is to turn
and listened to the faculty of hearing your own hearing ness

okay

and the students says when i get here all sounds and all discriminations are ungraspable
and the teacher says marvelous marvelous this is the sound sears gateway into the principal
so the sound series of a low-key dish for or concealed and this the sound sears gateway is to turn back and think of the essence of your own hearing faculty
how we doing over there
yeah
okay now i don't know where it is on the tape at this point see

thank you erin very much

oh this is jailbait don't go ahead out fast forward
you can hear that another time
that's quite a song to okay let's step down
no go more toward
okay
yeah
okay that's terry in this gentleman talking
fast forward a little bit
afk they just talk a little bit about lorraine now

keep going

saucier okay
okay
yeah
well we can hear the commentary let's turn it up to have been to she could make it back to church
convert boy who was working on some house about more was producer went on the counter and
mark warner bros nurses a functional recession or term apple's of orchestral our homework or watch contraception and not her castle to last not so eruptions to others person or grind often school orchestra and discussions on the
on costume
and it's like she thought out she was more but
can't have the and then you've got something no one here is a stay with me right right awesome

you know
hey

home way

what

the

the

no

no

that on a
what a lyric you know she says maybe i was too good for you didn't they take a you i'm begging stay with me in a she just she can't believe he's gonna we're just cannot accept it you know
ah hence

ah
anyway we feel like this sometimes i feel like goods were that's how it is for people when they come to practice actually it's it's like that he reminds you of this some painting that michael scheuer recently did with this buddha maybe some of you have seen it and then in the heart
is this
a being nuts
crying out you know in the middle of the buddhist hurt

so how do we find our way
ah
in a world like that
huh
so the one who contemplates or observes or sees the cries of the world and one's own cries
that observes and stays with
yes sir
the bodhisattva of compassion
henderson i don't feel like talking anymore after listening
the feel the same way

thank you very much
maybe