You don't have to shuffle during the class. And while you're doing that, you also do a reminder. I got a note, well let's not connect that, let's just do the business part first. Those of you who have been taking or using actually some of the books that are up here from the library, the way we'd like to do that is for you to return the book after you use it in study. In other words, don't wrap it in your suture cloths and don't take it away out of the room

[01:01]

just during study. Go ahead, take the book, bring it back, read it if you want to, and then return it to the table. I think you've been doing that, right? Does anybody have... Oh, I don't need to know that. I think you've been doing that, and if you haven't been doing that, then do that. Oh, you can share. I mean, I doubt it's the kind of thing that you're going to want to take home anyway. And we can make more. If you really want one, we can make more. So put that aside for a moment, and let's do something else for a sec. Today we're going to talk a little bit about mental factors, so I thought we could slip

[02:09]

very easily from mental factors into how to practice with emotions, which I think are not really so different from mental factors anyway. So I wanted to share with you two things that happened to me recently, a good example. One is a success, maybe you can say, and the other one was a massive failure. So both happened to us, and in both we want to remember that basically no matter what happens in our practice, we have to maintain... it'd be good anyway if we can maintain some connection with our heart center. Let's not forget that no matter what it is that we are doing in our practice, fundamentally underneath it we do have this open, pumping, beating heart that's in there all the time. And if we can just get underneath a barrier that we sometimes put up, it's there, and

[03:14]

we can feel it, and we can feel it for ourself. And we need to be in touch with it for ourself, because practice is not so easy, it takes a lot of determination and courage, and I was going to say faith, but for a while a lot of us don't have faith. So it's important, because sometimes we fall down, and now we need to get up. And it helps us get up, to know that we're actually perfect just the way we are. We're just trying to get out of the... well, what my mind did was, when a lotus comes up in a pond, there's all this stuff in the pond that cling onto the lotus all around the stuff, and then of course my mind went right away with the cobalt, because that's the only way I think that you possibly couldn't have made it out of the pond, you know, if something

[04:14]

was just holding them in there. Anyway, so I got a note the other day, and the note, I thought, accused me in a sort of a subtle but definite way that I got, that I had done something, that accused me of doing something that I hadn't done. And when we get accused of something we haven't done, our self comes up very often right there, because I was innocent, I was right, I didn't do this thing that I was being accused of, and I resented it a lot, and I got mad, I didn't want to be... and not only that, it was communicated to other people worse, really bad, so not only didn't I want to be thought of in that way, I didn't want these other people to think of me that way.

[05:14]

I have a certain image that I like to maintain, and I've been trying to maintain this image at Zen Center for years, and they just won't let me keep it. I think it's an image of myself that I am really not, anyway, in the first place. I think this other image that I am is okay, you know, the one that I actually am, but I keep trying to maintain this other thing that I'm not, anyway, but anyway. Which one are you asking? This other one over here. You want me to say none of them? So there I was being accused in front of a jury, and I didn't even have a chance to talk about my side of the issue, so I got angry, and I called this person, and I left.

[06:15]

I didn't get angry over the phone, I must say, I held myself back, but I did make it clear that I disagreed with what had happened, that person's interpretation of what had happened. So then I kind of breathed and breathed and breathed, and I was just feeling myself be angry and so on and so forth, I let go of it, and other things happened during the day and so on. But then when I was sitting at night, it came back, and I was glad it came back, because that particular sitting, and they're always different, but for me that particular sitting was very wide and had a lot of space, and so this event bubbled up, and I didn't even think about it or anything like that, it just came by, but it diffused itself in this big space. And so when I got up from sitting, all of the ideas and holding on to, and not wanting to talk to this person at all about it, and wanting to send letters all over the place

[07:17]

to make sure that other people didn't think about me in that way, dissipated. And when that happened, of course, then I said, now I can actually, I'm open enough not to try to tell the other person with the right point of view, but to actually hear what that person had to say, and what it was about what I had done that probably hurt that person, and try to understand it from that person's point of view. I was perfectly ready to do that, because I didn't have a me to defend at that point. So that was like a success story, although I haven't had the meeting yet, so I don't know the end of the story, but at least I'm really, I'm really ready to have the meeting, I'm not holding a grudge or anything. Now I'll tell you the failure that I had. So on day off, I ride a bike, bicycling is my exercise. So on day off, I took my little bike, and I started biking, and I was riding, I was

[08:25]

pedaling up Market Street, to the top of Market Street, wanting to go down the other side of Potrero, I can't get it. And so I was pedaling along, and everything was going really fine, and you know, a bike, you can't, when you ride a bike, you're supposed to be like a car, you get to have a lane, because if you ride too far over to the right, and then somebody opens the door, which they do, including myself, I never turn around and look to see if a bike is coming, if I'm going to open the door. So the bike person has to really be looking, and stay far enough away from the doors, so that if they open a door, you can ride right by, scream at them for not looking. So anyway, I'm at the top of the hill, and I start going down the other side of the hill, and I'm pedaling pretty fast, I mean, I'm going down the hill, after all, and I'm pedaling on, third gear, and I hear behind me, something big is coming behind me. So okay, I still maintain my thing, and I'm pedaling on, and then the thing behind me

[09:31]

gets really big, and it begins to get closer, and it feels to me like it's going to be passing me. So it's this really big truck, this really, really big truck, and right when it gets next to me, right exactly next to me, it smashes on its horn, and I'm, you know, scared, and because it's scary, it's really big, and it was a surprise, and adrenaline, I'm even now, I'm having adrenaline right now. So, adrenaline started happening, and stuff like that, and now here's my stupidity. So the truck, you know, continues on down the road, and I'm going downhill, I'm shaking now, and I'm going downhill, and of course, I am having now all this energy, so what do I do with all the energy? You see, I start putting it in the bike, and I'm racing down the hill to catch up with

[10:32]

the truck. I'm on a bike! So, it goes through one light, it's green, and I do get through that light and it's green, and I see him down ahead, and there's something in the back of my mind that says, you know, T.S. So, it's not loud enough at that point, so the guy turns right, so I turn right, and the guy stops, because he's unloading some stuff, you know, and I pedal right up to the door, his door, and he's, you know, up there, and I, you know, roll down the window, he rolled down the window, and that can be really bad sometimes. My brother has to, I'm supposed to be, you know, I've been sitting all these years, and

[11:37]

stuff like that, and when I'm with my brother, I always think of my brother as the person who kind of, you know, gets hysterical and stuff, but actually, it's me, I'm the one. When we're together, he's the one that always stays calm, and I'm the one that kind of pops off. I did that once, when he and I were walking, he stepped off a curb, and there was a policeman in front of us, stopping people from going across the street, going to the Olympics, and he touched my brother, my brother and I are very protective of each other, he touched my brother, and I almost exploded at the policeman, and my brother is standing there, he's bigger than I am, he's standing there like this. I was very angry when I grew up, I was ragefully angry, so I have that in me to be, I have to be careful, which I wasn't with this truck, so anyway, so he rolls down his window, and I start trying to explain to him that, you know, when you pass a bicycle like that and

[12:42]

beat the horn, it's really dangerous, because the bike can get really scared, and if you're scared and holding on to the thing, you turn the front of it, you just go over, either away or toward the truck, it's really dangerous. So I was beginning to say that with that kind of energy, well, of course he didn't hear what I was saying, he just was feeling the energy of what was happening, and so he started yelling, I was yelling, he started yelling back at me, and so there we were, right in the middle of the street, yelling at each other, you know, about, neither one of us hearing what was going on, anyway, so, and then I did a very cruel thing, I don't know if I should tell you, it was really unkind, have you, ok, but this was unkind, this was really not nice, I'll confess to you, I did, so, he was, we were arguing, and he came back

[13:46]

down, and I forgot exactly what the altercation thing of it was, but anyway, he was standing really close to me, and I said to him, because he was, this is hard to tell you, this is really not good, anyway, so, we were having this argument, and then I wasn't winning, you know, he wasn't hearing me, so then I said to him, I said, well, what kind of man are you, anyway, very unkind, because what happened was, he immediately stopped, you know, I really, I really, it was not, it was not part of even the disagreement, you know, it was definitely not appropriate, anyway, he stopped, and I stopped, and then it was over, and of course for me it wasn't over, because I felt horrible, you know, there was

[14:49]

just nothing good about that experience, and it stayed with me for a while, and what happened was that the next meditation, thank God that we sit so much in here, the next meditation, what I did with that was, it came up, and there was no way for me to rectify that event, I had done something and let something out into the world that was not helpful, and maybe even hurtful a little bit, and so what I needed to do was metta, which I did, and I sent him metta, and I sent me metta, as much as I possibly could, and that let me release, you know, I confessed, and I repented, and I tried my best to take care of it, and hopefully I won't ever do that again, and that's how that went. So the reason why I'm telling you this is

[15:53]

because we are now at a place in our text where he lists a whole bunch of mental factors, which I think we should go over. Before we do that, let me draw your attention up here. This is a teaching from this fellow Talopa, who I like a lot. He's in the lineage of the Karmakargyu, which is Trungpa's lineage, who I study with a little bit, and they would always tell me their lineage. It goes Talopa, Naropa, Marpa, Milarepa, and Gampopa. Talopa was a seedy city in India, and this is what he told his disciple, Naropa. He said,

[16:56]

Don't think, no thought, no reflection, no analysis, no cultivation, no intention. Let it settle itself. He's talking about the mind, obviously. That's it. Don't think about it, don't make up stories about it, you don't have to analyze it, don't make it better, don't intend anything, just let it settle itself. Yes. He's talking about wisdom practice. That was the other story. For me, it's really important to do both.

[18:02]

I can't always just do the wisdom side. I get caught. I do the heart side a lot. You need to know where you are. You can't just always do the wisdom side. You do the wisdom side when you have strength of mind to do that, but if there's something to take care of, if you're caught, then do the other. Think about it any way that you want, but we need both, both of them. All right, let's do this a little bit. So, this is a kind of a quick summary of where we are now. Although, you know, you guys can

[19:07]

fill in, this is a very skeletal kind of thing. So, what happens is our mind comes up with a natural event. It's a natural event that gives us the ending in feeling self and other and then grabbing onto one or the other or both. We have contact with something. It's an image in our mind. We do a best-guess label, which comes with old stuff. We have a sense of self and other and then we grasp on and make that sense of self and other real. And Buddha said that was not a problem. What the problem with that is, is that we... Well, we attach to it and make it real. So, how are the ways that we rebuild this sense of self? We do it

[20:13]

over and over and over and over again. We rebuild it with our belief systems and assumptions. I'm right. The truck driver should not have beeped his horn and should have known that I was well within my rights to be exactly where I was on the street. I believe in Buddhism. I believe in... I think I know what practice is. I believe in America. I believe in... I'm having trouble thinking of the relief. But lots of assumptions. You know, I assume that anybody

[21:14]

who has a dark skin, if they're a man and walking down the street, are a danger to me. How do I get one? That's taught to us. We need to know these. We really do. You know, and it's just exactly what I was saying before. It's not that the thought that comes up in our mind is necessarily wrong. We're taught it. It's a conditioned event. But if we believe it and act from it, we cause tremendous amount of suffering for ourselves and everybody else. Projections are another way that we have and solidify a self. Whatever it is about me that I really can't bear, I project onto somebody else and then I hate them for it. I used to hate the part of myself that was weak and dependent. Couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand it. Didn't believe it. I wasn't

[22:19]

that kind of person. And I used to really hurt people who were like that. I really, really was really awful. I'm better at it. Not perfect, but better. At least I know I have to be careful. Identification. When you have an experience, your mind talks to yourself all the time, all day long, is telling you who you are, what you're doing, whether or not it's interesting. Maybe this is something I can tell to somebody else. Whatever kind of dramas I have, I'm definitely going to share with other people. We recreate ourselves through stories all the time, all day long. We're constantly telling ourselves who we are. And then, once we have an image of who we are, we are defensive about it, like I was when I got that note. I try to defend who it is that I think I am. And then, the last way is, for this set of things anyway, is actually

[23:23]

believing everything. Believing the belief system, believing the projections, believing the identifications with the stories, believing that you need to be defensive about your image, and so on. We rebuild it over and over again. You can make your own list. This is what I do. Everything. Yes, he does. That's also a way to practice, but this is the fundamental recommendation that I've been reading to you over and over and over again. I have another thing I

[24:28]

brought, just in case you didn't believe me. See, you forgot already. I'm going to read you another one. So, what do we do about this? Well, this is basic. The first thing we have to do is be present. So, some of us are just simply, for the next week and a half or however much we have left, are just working on being present. No matter what happens, the practice is to let go of whatever it is. If you can, if you can't, then remember me. Let go of it and come back to the body and breath. Just be here. Because when you're really sitting and you're really there and you're really present,

[25:29]

there's no separation of self from another, there's no intention, there's no body to intend, there's no intention needing to be made. No, that's right. The point is to not... It depends on what stage you are. You've got to be present. You have to develop the... See, the mind, usually when we begin, the habit of the mind is to flit away. So, what we're trying to do over and over again for years is to re-habituate the mind and then eventually the habit of the mind is to be present. So, whenever a thought comes up, instead of the mind running with the thought, the very nature of the thought coming up, the mind immediately returns to the present.

[26:30]

It becomes the habit of the mind to return to the present moment. At that time, what the instruction is, is to do nothing. Let the mind do its own work. It's already perfectly aware, all by itself. We just have to get out of the way. So you don't have to do any practices and so forth. You just have to let it settle itself. Are you the fox in sheep's clothing? I think that's certainly pertinent to what we're talking about. We just said that, on the one hand, there's... that we're conditioned and that we'll always have assumptions, etc. Then, we're talking about non-intentional practice and I don't see how those go together. I mean, from the

[27:32]

practitioner's perspective, we always do this, etc. etc. I don't believe that anyone could ever actually sit down and do something without an intention. We have to always remember that two things, the two truths, have to be there all the time. So, let's just... let me try to take one thing at a time. You know, my mind, I can't remember. I want to respond. I have something to say about it, but I wanted to do it one thing at a time. Say, you'll remember. Tell me slowly each thing and I want to respond. Oh, this is one thing I wanted to say. I know you'll remember it like we do. One thing is we... darn, it's just amazing. You know, I have to share this with you because now I can't escape it. I just stopped taking hormone replacement therapy

[28:37]

and the change in my mind is just stunning. I can't remember a thing. I'm kind of enjoying it. Because it puts me in touch with the life force leaving, you know, but I'm in actual touch with it. It's awesome. I wanted to say something I thought was really important. Say just what you said again and maybe I'll come back to you. Oh, that's what I want to say. We're not... every moment it's true we're conditioned. It's also true that in each moment there's free will, and that's why in Buddhism it's not fatalistic. So at each moment we do have choice. So, for example... so then continue on.

[29:39]

So, and that's inescapable, but then there's also the idea of not having intention, but not being able to impose it, in the sense of not sitting down for a particular purpose. One's life comes up in an appropriate response to lifeness. At that time it may very well be appropriate to sit down. The person is not going to be a vegetable. We do make choices and we don't ignore karma. It's just that the karma is not coming from a self at that time. So a person like that has the intention, it seems to me, to live to benefit all being.

[30:42]

If the appropriate response, then like let's say they live in a practice place or whatever, the bell rings, the appropriate response at that time is going to be to go sit sadhana. They're not going to have to do a whole bunch of intending about it. That's just what will come out of the appropriate situation. So the intention is transformed by the lack of self? Maybe that's so. Because compassion comes out of a mind that is not self-reflecting all the time. It's just that space, the activity of wisdom is what looks like compassion to us. But it's that person's natural way of responding. I think so. I'm not going to give you a beer.

[32:00]

And you just surrender. And when you surrender, the intention goes away. Because, I mean, at that point you're not in control. What's that? So let's get back to this because we need to get to like 18 today. Oh, I'm sorry. It comes out of the fact that we're already Buddha. We're trying to find out how to wake up to that.

[33:20]

Or Buddha's trying to find out how to wake up to that. So it doesn't require a mental engagement of intention because the intention is already there to wake up. That's not like that. That's Bodhicitta going back to Bodhicitta. So after we acknowledge that our resistance or whatever is there, then we sink right into the body. Physical sensations, physical sensations. Suzuki Roshi said that all we're ever going to have to know is in the body. I kind of think it's true. So go down to body sensations. Breathe, relax, breathe, breathe, relax, wait, breathe, wait, wait, wait.

[34:24]

Don't grab on. It passes. It will all pass. It's all changing. It's a big fluid event. Unless you grab on, it will not stay. I sometimes grab on to waiting because it feels like kind of active. I guess waiting is just tricky because waiting can sometimes feel to me like averting. Okay, then know which one it is. It's averting? Then go to averting. Breathe, breathe. Then, when you're settled enough to feel it in the body, to wait and you're open, then see if you can turn toward the I who is so-called having the experience, the feeling, whatever it is. Let your awareness be aware of the watcher, basically. When I'm practicing when I'm sitting and I'm watching and I'm looking at who's doing this,

[35:44]

is there a sense of enjoying how it's not? Are you saying it's kind of new? Because my experience is the I. It's kind of, it's more of an experience than it's not. It's an experience. But are you, do you have a sense of you having the experience? Uh-huh. Who is that? Well, if it's not, if it's not, then what's happening is experiencing. There's not an experience in there. There's not a watcher watching it, which is fine. That means it's just life happening all by itself. That's fine. But if you have a sense of somebody having that experience, watching that experience, then there is a separation of watcher and experience. And you want to just be aware of that. Don't put your attention. There is just attending happening.

[36:56]

We do not have to put our attention anywhere. It's not our attention anyway. It's just attending happening. It's just attending. That's the whole point. There's no me having the emotion. There's no me having the thought. Remember we said the other day that now these things that arise are now possessed? That's the feeling of it. It's my thought, my emotion, my feeling, my awareness. Okay? It's a bunch of characteristics that you have grabbed onto and labeled me. That's what we're just, that's what we're talking about. There's a sense of you, a sense of identity. That sense is okay.

[37:58]

But as soon as you grab onto it and think that all of those characteristics are a someone in there, look for that someone. See if you can find it in those characteristics. There's nobody there. There's just characteristics going on all by themselves. Don't believe me. Go look. What? No, it doesn't. No, it does not. That's exactly the point. You don't need your identification with a separate you to do any of that stuff. You know, it's very interesting. That's what people always say. This is a very interesting point. I don't know exactly how to explain it to you exactly. The sense of the mind is good at mathematics.

[39:01]

Can I tell a little bit about the note that you left me the other day? I enjoyed it so much. I hope I don't embarrass you. David is a mathematician. We were talking and I asked him one time, what concept comes up in your mind? For anybody else they would have said, me or anger or jealousy or something like that. He said five. It was so cute. And then on the note that he left me, on top of another note, he said, four plus one equals five. Eight minus three is five. Two plus three is five. It's everywhere. It was great. Anyway, the mind is good for that kind of stuff. It's good for that. It's good for knowing it has to make a plane reservation.

[40:06]

It's good for saying that this is a chair. That's all pretty much it's good at. I don't know exactly how to explain it, except to say that you don't need to self-reference. Life comes toward us all the time. All you have to do is respond. You don't have to be thinking all of these extra things. I'm going to read you something from this book, maybe. Do you understand what I'm saying at all? You don't need it. The Buddha never railed against the natural event that brings you self in a sense of identity, sense of separation. He only said that it's not inherently existing. It's not separate from anything. It's not substantial.

[41:06]

Don't grab onto it. Don't think of it as a separate me. That's what he's talking about. Don't be attached to this image about the way you want people to see you. Or the way you want people to see you. There's no fixed self. There's no fixed self. The capacity to do this work, to call and make plenty of reservations, and I'm in the habit of saying that's my self. There is no self that I can say, this is me. Right. That's right. And then, based on separation,

[42:09]

we become afraid of everything that we think of as other, which is everything, including our bodies and everything else. And as soon as that fear comes up, we begin to do all of these grabbings of things that will make us feel safe and pushing away things that make us feel unsafe and so on, and the whole thing starts happening. Yeah, in a way, you could think of it that way, yeah. No. Yeah, you could think of it that way. And then, the other day, too, you said

[43:19]

the mind can get good at some things. Like, the mind isn't a philosopher. No. The mind can do certain things really well. What's bad about it? Do we just have to think that our mind will settle into whatever it's good at? You know, what I'm hearing you guys say, which is kind of interesting to me, is that you're afraid of really believing that there's nobody running anything, that you're afraid you're not going to be able to make your plane, you're afraid you're not going to be able to do philosophy, you're afraid that you're not going to be able to have lunch. Sure. So, lots of hands. You know, can we stay a little longer today? I really want to get to at least to 16. Okay, okay.

[44:21]

Let's just go quickly around the room and see. I'm just going to say, I feel that my fears coming up aren't as clear as everyone's. I'm not willing to do my own. Maybe. Maybe, maybe not. But I'm a little curious what has come up. Well, I think that's a legitimate concern. We do have karma together, and it would be nice if we didn't have to, the worst of it, didn't have to live out the worst of it. But look at in ignorance, in a certain kind of, may I say, mostly in ignorance the world is being run and decisions are being made. And we all, as one body, as one body we will live out that karma.

[45:26]

It's a tragedy, huge tragedy, the suffering of the world. But it's ours, everybody's together, that part. We share the karma of the times. So let's keep going. Yes, that's called Zen sickness. That's when you have an experience of emptiness and you think that that's the truth and then you get caught in that for a while. People get caught in that a long time. It's really easy to get caught in that. And it's a real problem because it's very hard to wake somebody up from that kind of stuckness because it's so pleasant. And they think they really know, and they do know something very important, but it's not the end of the truth. Thank you.

[46:34]

Yes. So that's when people start talking about the virtual capital. And it's really like the same with something like a hurricane, too. A hurricane doesn't have the central command to push and pull many, many capacities, many, many factors that kind of lead to a very coherent, definite direction that something wasn't about at all. It's so constructive, it emerges from so many capacities. So... Yes, and I would recommend that for those of you who want to take it up to actually go and look to see if you can find anything other than the skandhas in there running anything. Yes.

[48:25]

Is that... Yes. Exactly, exactly. That's very true. You have to really know about the self before you can let it go, really. Because it's in the blank parts that we don't know about, the parts that are not illuminated, that we get caught, that all the problems come from. So you want to know all about the self,

[49:27]

your particular self, as much as possible. It's all based on that. And recently I quit my job, I have a job, and so I don't even, for a couple of weeks I couldn't even get out of bed because I just didn't know who I was at all. Yes, still don't know, but it's easier in the tentative development. But what's also interesting is that all of the people in my life have known me in a certain way, and now it's like, they don't know who to be with me because I'm not imitating the way that Aaron does me, and I know I'm not who they think I am either. So it's a weird way to feel connected to everything

[50:30]

that the self is creating. And I'm trying to take it apart, everything comes apart. Because then a lot of people in my life that I've connected with, it's just, I'm not, it doesn't seem like I'm able to connect with them anymore. Because they're afraid too, like it's scary for other people, to realize how much myself also reinforces other people's selves, and holding back, and just trying to undo my own. Other things come apart too, and some people don't know. Whatever it is that you're doing, when are you going to be yourself again? When are you going to be yourself again? This is a good example of... Let me... The flip side of that, actually, that's an example of one side, of the delusion side. But the flip side of that is that when a person meets another person who doesn't have this image self,

[51:34]

then it's very simple, because it wouldn't make any difference that you're no longer this or that or the other thing. One person who doesn't matter if there's this, that, or the other thing, meets another person who doesn't matter if it's this, that, or the other thing, and then when you come together and meet, something is created out of that meeting. And then that's what you enjoy. So, one side is very much separation, and the other side is not. I want to say what Jason said. He talked about the neurophysiological side of things. William James is the guy that Hugo Hung was talking about. He was a psychologist, an American psychologist, back in the 20th century. He talked about our thinking. You think we have a will to think. We study thinking, and he said, the thoughts just come up. There is no I in our thinking. One thought leads to another. It's a very kind of automatic process.

[52:35]

Something like that. That's exactly correct. They just bubble up. Like Blanche said the other day, like a stomach bubbles up digestive juices, the mind bubbles up thoughts. Exactly the same. Thank you. What is the little symbol that we put on our charge cards where it looks like it's a hologram? When the person that lives with you was talking about, there's no executive making this decision.

[53:38]

It's like dependent co-arising. It goes back and forth. You look at the whole world, and you see it isn't just this one person or country or factory that everything independently co-arises. So it's the same right here as it is any place in the whole universe. Yeah, exactly. So to point to one thing, it's such a delirium. Yeah, that's right. It's just one thing. I want to read something here. Sure. I couldn't remember your name. Let's see.

[54:40]

I've been asked... Let's see... This is from Everyday Zen, Joko Beck. I was going to read you what she had to say about emotions and feelings, but instead I'm going to read something about what she says about practice and the observer and not having one. I'm going to skip around a little bit. All the describable parts of what we call ourselves are limited. They are also linear. They come and go within a framework of time. But the observing self cannot be put in that category no matter how hard we try. That which observes cannot be found and cannot be described. These thoughts are not real, these emotion thoughts,

[55:44]

but they are connected with sensations, the bodily feelings of contraction. All thoughts and emotions are impermanent, changing, empty. All personally centered thoughts and emotions are empty. When we realize this, we can abandon them. This space of wonder... Oh, when we do, very naturally, we enter a space of wonder. I have been asked, isn't observing a dualistic practice? Because when we're observing something... Because when we're observing, something is observing something else. This is the watcher that I've been talking about. But in fact, it's not dualistic. The observer, or the watcher, is empty. Instead of a separate observer, we should say there is just observing.

[56:47]

There is no one that hears. There is just hearing. There is no one that sees. There is just seeing. But we don't quite grasp that. If we practice hard enough, however, we learn that not only is the observer empty, but that which is observed is also empty. At this point, the observer, or witness, collapses. This is the final stage of practice. We don't need to worry about it. Why does the observer finally collapse? When nothing sees nothing, what do we have? Just the wonder of life. There is no one who is separated from anything. There is just life living itself. Hearing, touching, seeing, smelling. This is the state of love, or compassion. So the way of practice that I've found to be the most effective is to increase the power of the observer. Whenever we get upset, we've lost it.

[57:49]

We can't get upset if we are observing because the observer never gets upset. Nothing can't get upset. So if we can be the observer, we watch any drama with interest and affection, but without being upset, and without identifying it as me. When we reach a stage where the witness is collapsing, we begin to know what life is. It's not some spooky thing, however. It just means that when I look at another person, I look at them. I don't add on ten thousand thoughts to what I'm seeing. And that is the space of compassion. We don't have to try to find it. It's our natural state when the ego is absent. So we need to have patience, not just during the intensive, but every day of our lives, to face this challenging task, meticulously to observe, study all aspects of our life

[58:51]

so that we can see their nature until the observer sees nothing when it looks out except life as it is in all its wonder. Our practice is to open our life like this more and more. That's what we are here on earth to do. I love the way she talks. Observing your thoughts, experiencing your body instead of getting carried away by the fearful thoughts, feeling of contraction in your stomach as just tight muscles, grounding yourself in the midst of crisis. What makes life so frightening is that we let ourselves be carried away in the garbage of our whirling minds. We don't have to do that. Please sit well. When you sit with Jogo Bhek, she has these four chants

[59:51]

that are the four principle practice principles, and this is what they are. Caught in a self-centered dream. Us, okay? Only suffering. Holding to self-centered thoughts. Exactly the dream. Each moment, life as it is, the only teacher. Being just this moment. Compassion's way. So, let's tiptoe back to our text, which I feel I am not giving enough respect to here.

[60:55]

We were on eight. We had just said that the third transformation is the acquisition of the six-fold object, in other words, grasping on to eye, image, ear, image, sound, image, etc., etc. Here is my other book. Oh, and then here is the part that I handed you out that list from. Because the next one says, the acquisition of the six-fold object is associated with wholesome psychological conditions, both universal and particular, and similarly with primary as well as secondary defilements, and that includes the three-fold feeling. The three-fold feeling is pleasant, unpleasant and neutral,

[62:01]

and then he goes on to list the different mental factors. Some are universal ones, the ones that he already spoke about in terms of alaya, contact, feeling, perception, volition and attention, and then he lists a bunch of other ones, and that goes from 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, and you can either just read them from the text, which they are yearning, resolve, memory, concentration, wisdom or particulars, confidence, shame, remorse, the triad consisting of absence of greed and so on, effort, diligence, nonviolence or wholesome, the primary defilements, or he says lust, aversion and confusion, which is greed, hate and delusion. Then he goes on to say pride, view and doubt. Furthermore, anger, enmity, hypocrisy, malice, envy, avarice, along with deception, fraudulence, self-esteem, violence,

[63:04]

shamelessness, remorselessness, deceitfulness, stupidity, lack of confidence, sluggishness, indolence, forgetfulness, distraction, inattentiveness, worry, sloth, reflection, investigation. These are secondary defilements, the last two being twofold, which they can either be defiled or not defiled. So, I just xeroxed that list for you. This is a list of one translation. There are also other translations. There are also different numbers. But basically, you have it there. No, this is from, for heaven's sakes, Bhikkhu Bodhi, what does it say? Contendium, that's what it is. Contendium? Contendium, the blue book? Yeah, but that's the old, I think that's the old one. Yeah, that's it. So anyway, it's a comprehensive manual of Abhidharma,

[64:12]

and I think that we have one for you. I'll bring it tomorrow, if you remind me, okay? Anyway, the universals, you can see, come up with all mind states. Then there are the next ones, the occasionals, they come up or they don't come up. And then there's a whole list of unwholesome factors, which are listed. And then the beautiful factors are the wholesome factors. And under the beautiful factors, you have here listed non-hatred and neutrality of mind, which are two of the Brahmaviharas, non-hatred being loving-kindness and neutrality of mind being equanimity. And the other two are under the limitables, compassion and sympathetic joy. He says appreciative joy. Anyway, these are lists, and if you want to go into them more thoroughly, then you have to go to the Abhidharma books and take a peek at them, they're interesting, and we can identify with them.

[65:12]

How come there's not jealousy? Did he say jealousy? Somewhere? Is it in there? Envy. Envy. Yeah. Right, so you can pick your delusions. Okay, and then let's go to fifteen. The arising of the five forms of consciousness, which we know what they are, i.e. your nose consciousness, etc., together or separately within the foundational consciousness is like waves in the water. So, you know, it's not a solid thing, it's in flux, it keeps right on going, and it pops up all of these consciousnesses and it influences them, it goes rushing on like a river.

[66:13]

Is that okay? All right, and... The manifestation of mental consciousness takes place always except in the sphere of non-perception. The two attainments, those are the jhanas, and in the state of torpor, occasioned by insensibility and the absence of thought. So, in other words, this stream of mental continuum keeps right on going unless you're really sick, if you're really, really concentrated, if you're unconscious, you know. Otherwise, it's there all the time. Now, I don't know if we should talk about number seventeen today. Maybe we should start with number seventeen tomorrow. So, what I'd like you to do, please, is take a peek at seventeen because we want to know what it means, what has thus been thought of does not exist.

[67:15]

That's a little bit difficult. Therefore, all this is mere concept. We want to make sure that we understand that in terms of this particular interpretation anyway. And then you can look at eighteen and nineteen. Now, we'll probably stop there, probably, because then the next that comes are the three natures, and that'll take its own class, probably. So, with that, I'll just remind you, just because some of you, like David, may have forgotten already, this is for you. Oh, we have lots of Davids, huh? Is that all you wanted to do? This is from Anguttara Nikaya.

[68:21]

Monks. Whatever in this world is seen, heard, sensed, thought of, attained, sought after, pondered by the intellect, that do I know. Whatever in this world is seen, heard, sensed, cognized, attained, sought after, pondered by the intellect, that I directly know. That is known by the Buddha. Actually, he says Tathagata. That is known by the Tathagata, but the Tathagata has not been obsessed with it. Thus, monks, the Tathagata, when seeing what is to be seen, does not construe an object as seen. He does not construe an unseen. In other words, he doesn't look for it to be empty. He does not construe an object to be seen.

[69:25]

He does not construe a seer. When hearing, when seeing, and so on, when cognizing what is to be cognized, he does not construe an object as cognized. He does not construe an uncognized. He does not construe an object to be cognized. He does not construe a cognizer. Thus, monks, the Tathagata being such like with regard to all phenomena that can be seen, heard, sensed, and cognized is, quote, such. And I tell you, there is no other such, higher or more sublime. Whatever is seen or heard or sensed and fastened onto as true by others, one who is such, among those who are self-bound,

[70:28]

would not further assume to be true or even false. Having seen well in advance that arrow where generations are fastened and hung, quote, I know, I see, that's just how it is, unquote, there is nothing of the Tathagata fastened, caught. So, we are at a time now where we've been sitting a lot, so we're sensitive, and our emotions are a little bit, you know, up at the top. So, please be gentle with yourselves, really gentle, and do your practice wherever it is

[71:33]

and whatever it is you're practicing. If it means being present or practicing awareness or investigating or whatever it is, but do it with determination but gentleness, okay? And let's keep going. And also, I really appreciate everybody coming to Zazen and being on time, and I feel myself very supported with how it is that you guys are practicing. So, let's keep going that way. Jai.

[72:21]

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