You better lock down all your possessions. Because he'll take everything you got. As we shall hear. Nice story. Which is about leaving home. And is... I think particularly revealing just how far that goes, that statement goes, leading home. If you don't have a copy, then you can pass a booklet. If you don't, maybe you can read over somebody's shoulder. Just a picture. the mice there. Interesting. So leaving home is the theme.

[01:21]

And until we really dig down into that feeling of home and what it means to us, can we really begin to appreciate what home leaving entails. Well, it's true some people are brought up in homes where they're beaten and abused and home does not have a very happy connotation. But I think for most, well, I can't say for most people, it's my feeling or my hunch or my assumption that most people have a sense of home conjuring up a place of security of some sort, a place where you're relatively safe, a place you can call your own, a place where you've got to kick back, a place that you want to, in a sense, hang on to, a nurturing place, a root in your life.

[02:28]

a place of culture, a place where you finally have a stable identity. So leaving home, since we're all home leavers here, have different times in our life. We've all left home and some young, some old, and only to create another home somewhere, I think. And yet another home and yet another place. So tonight in this story, we're going to meet the place where home leaving gets its maybe most eloquent and mysterious rendering. And this book is called Upagupta. I don't know if that's right. Anybody know the Sanskrit Upagupta Upagu Do you have some more chapter 5 up there?

[03:37]

I don't know, I don't think so Oh Yes The fourth patriarch was the Venerable Upagupta. Now that we all have found a security with something to look at. We're with the maimed in the halt tonight. Oh, they're with us. And the sick. The sick, the maimed in the halt. So we've been talking about what is this thing being transmitted, and the first time we said, well, you know, in the first case with the Buddha, it was just a gesture.

[04:44]

He picked up a flower and held it up, and somebody smiled in response. And in a silent way, the first one was transmitted. Then Mahakasyapa handed it on to Ananda, who we know was the big blabbermouth of the group, because he remembered everything. And so thanks to Ananda, we have to study all this. Of course, we never heard Ananda's side of the story, so we'll look up for sure if this was penned on him later. And Ananda passed it on, face to face, something about the body and bodilessness of practice to Shona Washu. Now, Shona Washu is about to meet Uba. I like the Japanese. The first time I heard that, it made me feel a little shuddery. Maybe it's Uba. Uba Kikuta.

[05:44]

Anyway, I knew there was going to be an encounter here that I would not forget. The fourth patriarch was the Venerable Uba Guta, in this case. He attended Shanagasa for three years and then shaved his head and became a monk. Once the Venerable asked him, did you make your home be parched physically or in spirit? The Master replied, Truly, I made my home departure physically. The Venerable said, How can the wondrous Dharma of the Buddhas have anything to do with body and mind? On hearing this, the Master was greatly awakened. Circumstances. The Master was from the land of Dali, and his name was Upagupta. He belonged to the Sudra class, the lowest of the four social classes. At the age of 15, he visited Shana Vasa. At 17, he made his home departure, and at 22, he acquired the fruit of practice. Traveling about and converting others, he arrived at Mathura. The number of those who became monks was exceedingly great.

[06:47]

As a result, I like this part, the palace of a demon monk shook and trembled, and the demon grieved and was afraid. Each time someone was enlightened, Upagupta tossed a tally four inches in length into a stone room, talisman. The room was 18 cubits high and 12 cubits square, and it was filled with tallies. One cubit is equal to about two feet. I don't know why they just put that in there. Upagupta was cremated with the tallies. This is important for understanding it. earlier poem, was cremated with the tallies accumulated from a lifetime of encouraging home departure. He was cremated with the tallies. Remember, every time somebody got enlightened, he'd throw a tally into this room and filled it up. The number of people who made their home departure was as great as when the Tathagata was alive. Therefore, people called him the Buddha without the major and minor marks, as we know, the 36 marks. 32? 32? Now, the story about the demon here.

[07:56]

The demon, resentful, watched for a time when Upa Gupta entered Samadhi. That's interesting. Not when he's coming out of Samadhi, but the demon waits until he goes into it. Kind of, you know, shift. Then exercising all his demonic powers, he tried to harm the true Dharma. Didn't say how. The Venerable, while in samadhi, saw what was intended. The demon watched and secretly hung a garland around Upa Gupta's neck. Then the Venerable had the idea of subduing him. Rising from samadhi, he took the dead bodies of a human being, a dog and a snake, transformed them into a flower garland. Speaking softly, he put the demon at ease, saying, You offered me a very rare and wonderful garland, and now I have a garland, which I want to offer you in return. The demon was very happy and extended his neck to receive it.

[08:59]

Then the garland changed back into the three smelly corpses. Insects and worms crawled from it. The demon detested it and was greatly distressed. How could he get rid of it despite all his supernatural powers? He could not get rid of it despite all his supernatural powers, nor could he unfasten it or move it. He's having a devil of a time. Then he rose up... Maybe that's what it means to have a devil of a time. It's not that you're having a good time, right? Devil of a time. I've thought that, but I guess a devil of a time means like this. He rose up to the six heavens of the realm of desire and spoke to the celestial beings. He also visited the Brahma heavens and sought deliverance. Remember, in the Indian mythology, celestial beings are pretty much like us humans. They have lifespans and will eventually die and lose their powers. Celestial beings said, this is a supernatural transformation done by a disciple of the Buddha who has the ten powers.

[10:03]

We are rather ordinary beings. So what can we do about it? We're just gods. The demon said, then what can I do? The Brahma celestials told him to take refuge with Upagupta. And then he would be able to get rid of the garland. He recited this verse in order to change his mind. If you fall down because of the ground, you must use the ground to get up. Well known. If you fall down because of the ground, take a spill, you must use the ground to push yourself back up. If you try to get up without the ground, it makes no sense. Now remember, in all these teachings, we're talking about form and emptiness going back and forth here. He says, now return and seek liberation from the disciple with the ten powers. Having received this instruction, the demon left the celestial mansion and in repentance paid homage at the feet of the venerable Upaguddha. The venerable asked him, are you going to ever try to harm the Tathagata's true dharma? What do you expect the demon's going to say? The demon replied, I completely take refuge in the Buddha way and will forever cease what is not good.

[11:10]

The venerable said, in that case you must say that you take refuge in the three treasures. The demon king joined his hands and pronounced the refuge formula three times, and the garland fell off. Well, at this point in the story, you can make of the garland and who the demon is and who gets the garland. I think that's pretty clear in your life, isn't it? No. Let's go into the store and maybe they're going to answer it. It's like the albatross, right? What is this thing, this dead dog, this dead snake, this dead human corpse from the reptile mind to the mammal mind to the human mind and so on? In this progression, we're still being hung around with three animals around our neck.

[12:13]

In this way, Rupa Gupta displayed, now this is the Taisho, now this is Keizan Joki. He's taking his story up. By the way, you know these stories, particularly this one, reading in the footnote, we know almost nothing at all about such a character, even in the Chinese chronicles, which are taken from skimpy Indian findings. So whatever this particular teaching is, it takes the form of this Rupa Gupta. So he says, when he was 17 years old and shaved his head, Shana Vasu asked him, did you make your home departure physically or in spirit? For Buddhists, there are basically two forms of departure, which are physical and mental. Now get this. Leaving home physically means that they cast away love and affection. leave their homes and birthplaces, shave their heads, don monks' robes, do not have male or female servants, become monks or nuns, and make an effort in the way throughout the 24 hours of each day.

[13:21]

Whatever the time, they do not pass in vain. They desire nothing else. They neither delight in life nor fear death. Their minds are as pure as the autumn moon. Their eyes are as clear as a bright mirror. They do not seek mind, nor do they hanker to see their own original natures. They do not cultivate the holy truth, much less worldly attachments. In this way, they do not abide in the stage of ordinary folk or cherish the rank of the wise and holy, but more and more become mindless seekers of the way." That's a good one to ask yourself. Are we becoming mindless seekers of the way? Are we just seekers of the way and real mindful seekers of the way, or are we just mindless, period? Fumbling around? Oh, yeah. They do not cultivate the holy truth, much less worldly attachments.

[14:26]

In this way, they do not abide in the stage of ordinary folk, who cherish the rank of the wise and holy, but more and more become mindless seekers of the way. These are people who leave home physically. Those who leave home in spirit do not shave their heads or wear monks' clothing. Even though they live at home and remain among worldly cares, they are like lotuses, which are not soiled by the mud in which they grow, or jewels, which are immune to contamination or dust. Even though here there are karmic conditions so that they have wives and children, they consider them as being trash and dust. I think I know a dude like that. What does Cleary say there? They're not attached to them. Yeah, yeah, that's a little... Not attaching them is a little, but treating them like, you know, trash and dust is... But, you know, interesting in the sense of the teaching, of course, is to see the impermanence of things and, you know, seeing everything as dust.

[15:36]

The whole world is a transformation from dust to dust, sitting in the, you know, how the Indians sat in the charnel grounds and so on, contemplating the decay of bodies and so forth. So maybe considering them in that light, that they're very perishable. They do not entertain love for even a moment. Wow. Love. Diana, I found that sentence that you were asking about. Even though they may have spouses and children according to circumstances, they are not attached to them. What's the one, the other version of they do not entertain love for even a moment? I think it's included and they are not attached to him. Because the next sentence says, like the moon is high like a pearl rolling in a ball. Oh, okay. So that's it. He dropped that once. He does that clearly, doesn't he? They do not entertain love for even a moment or covet anything. So that's the non-attached.

[16:37]

Yeah, but that says it more than just non-attached. The one who is free in the midst of a bustling city. Like the moon suspended in the sky, like a ball rolling around in a tray, they live in a noisy city and see one who is tranquil. In the midst of the three realms, form, formless and desire realms, they clarify the fact that they dwell beyond time. They realize that exterminating the passions is a sickness and that aiming for ultimate reality is wrong. They realize that both nirvana and samsara are illusions and they are not attached to either enlightenment or the passions. These are the people who leave hope in spirit. I have a question. The implication here is kind of that it's either or. But that doesn't seem consistent with a lot of the other teachings. Save your question.

[17:37]

See what happens before we get to the end. Okay. So Svanavasa asked Upaguta whether he had made his home departure physically or in spirit. If it is not one or the other, then home departure is not home departure. Hence the question. However, Upaguta replied, truly, it was physical home departure. In this, he did not think about mind, speak of original nature, or discuss the abstruse. He just knew that it was the body composed of four elements and five aggregates which left home. Dear mom, my four elements and five aggregates are going to visit you next month. He enlightened spontaneously and therefore clarified that it was a matter of psychic powers. He acquired it without seeking and therefore clarified the fact that it is unobtainable.

[18:40]

Since this was the way it was, he said that he had left home physically. However, now comes the kicker after all of that. Two ways of leaving home and so on. That really sounds like you kind of cut the, burn your bridges behind you and cut all this. But listen to this. From the standpoint of Buddha's wondrous dharma, this is not the explanation. Therefore, Śānavasu explained that Buddhas do not leave home physically or in spirit, nor should they be seen in terms of the four elements and five aggregates, nor seen as the profound mystery of truth. Now, when we begin to hear that message, we know what land are we in here. Which school, which teaching land is this? Madhyamaka. Exactly, the Madhyamaka. You're right in the middle of the Prajnaparamita. They cannot be seen in terms of wise and foolish, nor are they bound to such things as mind and body. They are like space which has neither inside nor outside, like the ocean which has neither surface nor interior.

[19:47]

Even though there are many subtle principles and numerous teachings, he spoke only of this. Now, this is interesting. Do not say that, quote, I alone am honored is Buddha. And do not say that he either comes or goes. Who can speak of, quote, before my parents were born, unquote, or, quote, prior to the empty eon? Aiming at this place, one transcends birth and no birth. One is liberated from mind and no mind. It is like water conforming to its container, like space which rests against things. Though you grasp it, your hands are not filled. Though you search for it, you cannot find a trace. This is the wondrous dharma of the Buddhas. When you reach this place, upagupta does not exist and sarvasa does not arise.

[20:49]

So you cannot consider them to move or to be still, to come or to go. Even though there is, is and is not, other and self, it is like the sound at the bottom of a stream or like the endlessness of space. If you do not experience this place one time, then even a million teachings and countless wonderful principles will end up uselessly as the flow of ordinary karmic consciousness. That kind of gets home there. If you do not experience this place one time, then even a million teachings and countless wonderful principles will end up uselessly as the flow of ordinary karmic consciousness. Karmic consciousness, of course, is the third link of the twelve links of causation, which is born, as we know, from ignorance. In this way, when Sarvasu spoke about this and Upagupta was instantly awakened, it was like a clap of thunder in a clear sky, like a raging fire bursting out on the great earth.

[22:01]

Once the thunder roared, not only was it as if the roots, here comes this word now, all the roots, every reference point, The roots of Upa Gupta's ears were cut off, not only that, but he instantly lost the root of his life. The raging fire blazed and suddenly the Buddha's teachings and the true face of the patriarchal teachers were completely reduced to ashes. These ashes appeared in the name of the venerable Upa Gupta. These ashes appeared with a name. They were as hard as stone, as black as lacquer. Getting rid of the ordinary natures of any number of people and smashing their bodies, he vainly counted emptiness by casting tallies and left behind traces of emptiness by burning emptiness. Any questions?

[23:11]

We have a few kind of practical metaphors about that. No? I'm just curious. Did it end there in that book? Oh, I'm sorry. You got the verse. Today this descendant of the Daijo monastery would like to look for the traces beyond the clouds and fix some words to the clear sky. Would you like to hear them? House demolished. The person perished. Neither inside nor outside. Where can body and mind hide their forms? That's a good one, huh? House demolished. You left home, you know. But... You left home for some idea, some belief system or other, or for some person, or some place, some dream, some job.

[24:22]

You fill in the blank space. We all have gone through this trip, only to find it turns to ashes eventually, out of which a new fire begins. You look for this new thing until more and more you get more and more subtle in your craving for understanding it. less and less gross. You finally give up all the things of the world. You even give up your attachment to ideas and so on. But it still ain't free. You're still caught by something. But something comes along when you're ready in some form that, as it says here, you cannot make it happen. You can prepare yourself. In which you are cut loose. Somebody asked Suzuki Roshi, what is Satori like? He said, you won't like it. there's no way back. There's no recourse to any idea, any wisdom tradition, any figure, any historical moment. Nothing is left for you. In that sense.

[25:26]

That's, that, this is, when Upa, Upa Gupta, Upa Gupta, I love that name, Upa Gupta, that's too funny for words. Gupta Gupta comes, you know. laughter he knocks on your door, he's already got your lease in his hand and has ownership of everything you own, if you let him in. And if you don't let him in, you don't leave home. So, each moment we're meeting up to Gupta, saying, you're getting a little nice and comfortable and safe, something's going to come along and shake up your space. That's what I understand. That was enough, right? So what strikes you in this story that we could discuss a little bit? I mean, are we home leavers or not? How do you feel about that?

[26:30]

This is about giving up everything. You know, it feels pretty easy to settle down here. The food's good. The showers are hot. Oh, he's doing something wrong. He must be doing something wrong. Yeah. So how does that go with this? Well, where are you making your home? Wherever you're making your home, you make a vow to leave it. So if we're uncomfortable here, that means we can stay, isn't it? Well, maybe that's why we keep ourselves miserable. So we can have something to work on, we won't have to go out and do something else to work on. It's easy to talk about, you know, we've all had the occasion when somebody dear in our life has left us, either because of dying,

[27:35]

Or because of some misunderstanding, you know, break up and you listen for the footsteps. Your karmic consciousness is plugged into the fact that at a certain time of night you hear his or her footsteps coming home. Keep turning in the lock and someone come in and say hi. That no longer is there anymore, right? And you say, can I live without that? Can I live without, how much can I live without that kind of reassurance? And pretty soon you can do it pretty good. Not bad, you know. And then maybe you find out that you're always turning to your bookshelves or your phonograph, where there's, of course, inspiring music playing. There's always something when you're living alone that you can find to inspire yourself. Painting, poetry. But he says, you know, just giving up everything is not the Buddha way.

[28:44]

Buddha has no idea about what is mine and what is yours, what to give up and what not. He has no ideas left about, with holding on to about all that stuff. But how many people have we met like that? And how ready, to what edge are we willing to go to that place? Even if we're homeless and drifting about, what we're doing is actually looking for a new identity, rather than a homeless wanderer, a wayfarer. Of course, a homeless wayfarer was traditionally a monk. But you can't help that, because, I mean, if you're not looking for some new identity, then you're looking for no identity. Of course. It's just looking for another identity. Exactly. That's what this is about. You're constantly waking up to the new snake right back. The dead dog of the past. This beautiful garland that came to us today turns into a smelly hunk of garbage tomorrow. Who was it that said, there's only four questions in life.

[29:53]

What do I want? How do I get it? When I get it, what do I do with it? And when I don't want it anymore, how do I get rid of it? Our strategies are kind of built around that. So something about this getting something and then it turning into something smelly and maybe what, yes. Is there something about that you're always going to be looking for an identity that it doesn't quit? Well, what is your feeling about that here in the piece? Is there something that looks Gives up looking for an identity. Is there a time in your life when you no longer will be particularly conscious or uptight or even interested in who you are? I recently noticed that I have for a long time had an idea that such a time would come. Yeah. But even if it did come, it still would be an abode, a resting place.

[31:00]

It's like an anchor. It's like everything we do, we jump from one acre to another. From one home to another, from one nest to another, right? A settling place. A settling place. But he says here that we have to take refuge in the triple treasure. That's where you make your home. But then it says, what does it say about the triple treasure? treasure that's empty too isn't it yeah it's a dead dog and of course it can't be it can be i mean that's what i find like i mean doing the wreckages and stuff it's like that the i see that inclination you know like to sort of project concepts upon taking right you know it's such a it's such it's so hard from like you know crying to cry in a sense because it's like there's that um practice of taking refuge, but then it's like, but that mere act, it's full of concepts and limitations.

[32:13]

So it's just this bitter sort of contradiction. This is famous, I can't know if it's famous, there was a story about, it was called The Prolet, it was about one of the judges on the tribunal for Joan of Arc. And this prelate was a middle-aged man who would come and convene there to take part in this political. And he was a man who had, in his early life, been inspired by the love of God. Saw God in everything, everywhere, and was inspired to join the church and so forth. But his passion over the years, through circumstances, had waned and the fire had burned down. And now, as I said, there weren't even any embers of that faith left. Nor was there any hope of ever finding that degree of connection again that he felt with. He just went through his life kind of dead like a stone. Just like a cold stone. Everything had died for him.

[33:15]

And then Joan of Arc comes along and she looks into his eyes. And she sees in his eyes that dead man, that deadness. But she looks into his eyes as he's looking into hers and seeing this fire. this commitment to an ideal, to something that she would risk her life for, and so on, and be a great inspiration for. The very kind of thing he's looking for, he sees in her eyes. She sees in his eyes that he's looking for that. That she's looking for him in his eyes to find that young man who had that faith. And it's her faith that he exists still there that wakes him up to her. And then he tries to save her, but too late. It's a very interesting story. But it's about that, about a person who had totally held on or was so inspired by one kind of revolutionary change in his life, something radical in his life, an abundance of opening and a sense of

[34:18]

connection and love and so on, and then to slowly see that rigidify and turn into some kind of principle, and then the structure on which those principles that he was serving the church, in that case, was not any longer a place of liberation and a place of finding God, but like a prison for him. Until someone comes along, like a bodhisattva, in a sense, and wakes up that spirit again, that bodhicitta, that need to know, that inquire, But it seems, what the story is saying, it seems that we actually have to have a home. Even when we think we're leaving home, we're still leaving for something. And it's when the teacher comes along and like a bowl of thunder, lightning, cuts right through the root of your life. The thing that you could not egoically possibly make yourself give up. But I think the other side of that jolt is there has to be somebody there to catch you, to catch something, at least. And that's, of course, interesting.

[35:23]

It's part of the story, then, that the teacher has to be there for the... Catching? The disciple. Well, if the disciple falls totally into the abandonment of... The unrestricted, open-ended sense of free fall, like what you call nirvana, which is called non-attachment. Like kind of waking up in the middle of a dream and still being in phenomena. And you get stuck there, and it doesn't come back down into the conventional world. And function on the conventional level of what we take to be real. And see that that reality is now the reality of emptiness itself. Make that step. Make those two steps. Let it all go. We had it all ripped off and then everything is there just as it was before except that all your attachments have been cleared of it. That would be an amazing thing to wake up in the morning like that.

[36:23]

And nobody would, although you'd recognize everybody's face, everything would still be new, brand new to you. You'd know who each person is, but they'd be what they are at that moment, and so would you. Do you think that's something that happens one time and then it's like that? Personally, I think not. Myself. According to Drogon Zenji's teaching, that that kind of enlightenment, and according to this teaching too, you let it go immediately. Let go. Because if there is consciousness of a state of mind, an observer, or an experiencer having the experience, because there is a haver and an experience that is co-arising, that means it's dependently co-arising, it is born in time, it will perish, it will change. No, enlightened states are not states that don't change. Everything changes. There is not a thing that's changing, however. See, that's the point, right? There's not a thing that is changing, there's changing that is experienced as a thing.

[37:30]

Turn it around that way. We think that I am, there's this I, and everything over here is phenomena moving, and as long as phenomena doesn't change too fast, I do not react to it with too much panic. But if it changes too fast out here, then what I call this I gets all rattled and upset, and I begin to get scared, angry, and even violent. They're crazy things. Unless... I know that the thing that is trying to mirror and hold on to all the phenomena that seems to be whirling out there does not fundamentally exist except as a mirror of that. Then maybe the fear would go. But knowing that I can't make that happen and you can't make that happen, you can hear how it happens. Ananda will tell us. There'll be endless volumes and stuff to read and no sooner will we give up and say, I'm finished with this, I'm tired of it, Feel free that you finally gave up all your attachment to something called Buddhism, for example.

[38:34]

It's a great liberating feeling if you've experienced it recently. I'll do it, but it's empty. I'm just kidding. You're doing it like you do anything. And you think, that's it. Whoops. That feels pretty good. This is a category of experiences. If I bow or bump into something in the morning, I don't do it again. So what? I mean, it's not like driving a car. it's not like you know the mistakes you might make are mistakes that we've devised so we can feel something but and then all at once you catch yourself it's like we keep devising strategies constantly hatching plans and bracing for life you can't stop that strategizing because it's not one strategy that will take you through yeah Who was it that said, you know, we have this feeling that we're on this airplane, you know, some people get kind of tense when you're taken off, or they kind of hang out like this, as if you're hanging on to a new tire, you're going to get the plane off the ground.

[39:40]

Anyway, this story tonight, I feel is, it's always timely. for us people that are living this life, because I don't know about you, but in some sense, we're homeless. To make a home, well, of course, everybody is in life, if it's in the metaphor far enough. But we've speeded up the process a little bit, so we're kind of moving from place to place, home to home. And, you know, if you travel alone, you travel fastest. And, like, it travels alone. If you start having kids and so on, you've got to wait 20 or 30 years before you move on, maybe 18. But home leavers, you see, the whole thing, it's such a Mahayana text. It was not that it was for monks, that this enlightenment is for monks, that this release is for monks or for home leavers, or for home bodies. That doesn't even apply anymore, those names.

[40:59]

Why do you think it is that we do things like chant the refuges? Like what? Chant. You know, the refuges. Oh, chant. Yeah, chanting them and then maybe, you know, like Ryan is saying, you get into, maybe believe it and so forth. Is there some value? I think there's something ancient about people getting together and chanting an affirmation, a collective affirmation in something. The thing about the Buddha collective affirmation, it's not a collective affirmation in anything you can grasp. That really seems kind of crazy, you know. It's ungraspable, what we're talking about here. It's unnameable, unfindable. Other than the way we're talking about it right now, it's defined as being a... What it is, is the definition, ungraspable. And we tell ourselves a collective story about something like this.

[42:02]

We find a reason of values by which to live and we set up structures around it. One of them is we bow and chant. That was passed on to us as a way of learning selflessness and offering to the world. Because of the function. Because of functioning. And it's a kind of yoga. You're actually putting your body, it's a sound and movement, it's a dramatizing of the rituals and ceremonies of our ordinary life. in some more what we call sacred form, maybe. To a certain extent, couldn't you think it works, so to speak, it works to the extent that I believe it? Exactly. That I can enter into it and not take it casually, but I actually believe it and actually even reify it. Yes. But at some point, I think what this is saying, at some point, if you're trying to really do that, you're always looking for, checking on yourself to be sure you're, you know, you're not slipping up.

[43:06]

You've been a good monk and so on, you're really doing, at some point that whole thing is going to get a little heavy handed and you're going to say, screw it. So would you say, like, there's a time for it, and then there's a time to? Well, the time for it is just to do it. I mean, I think our practice is not whether to say, screw it, or I love it, but you just do it. Like or not, you go and just bow, and you hit the bells, and so on. Wholeheartedly. Yeah, wholeheartedly. You put yourself totally into the situation, into the context. And at the same time, by doing so, you see where you get hung up on the context and the naming of the functions within the context, such as douan, doshi, ino, and so on, and the roles in which we play in those contexts. And that's important. To have these forms here is kind of the glue that holds everything else together. Without the forms and the willingness for us to subscribe to the forms,

[44:08]

There's too many agendas in a place like this to keep it together. There's too many what? Agendas, different ways of... And why we commit to do a practice period so that we will actually make more of an effort than we would just by ourselves, obviously. So we come here to support one another in each person's search or non-search or each person's transition between homes. And the teaching here is you can't make a home in this. Don't make Buddhism a place to hide out. I've been thinking about this question about why chant and what it is. I've been thinking about it for a long time. I think it's like It's been going on for such a long time that when I participate in it, it's like making a little flame and smell it.

[45:12]

Instead of the match being orange, it becomes blue and cuts through the stuff just because of the power of the fact that people have been doing it for a couple thousand years. And so the ritual for me is to participate in that energy and maybe that will push me into the thing I don't like. Well, I can speak from experience and there have been mornings and days when I really enjoyed services and all of the The ceremonial functions and so on. And there have been days when I could easily leave it and never do it again and feel that way. But in that rhythm of noticing that, noticing that rhythm of being kind of attached to it and liking it and then being, not repelled exactly, but at least indifferent, more or less indifferent to it, and sometimes even tired of it, you still do it.

[46:14]

Yeah, when Mick first talked about it, he said, maybe it only works if I believe it and even reify it. And I couldn't quite enter that. And then I think it was still Mick that said, or maybe you said, do it wholeheartedly. And that seems different to me. I mean, wholeheartedly doesn't seem the same as necessarily believing and reifying. And I just wondered if... if wholeheartedly is sufficient for working, if that's what you meant. It's hard to work, at least a lot of the time, wholeheartedly at something you intensely dislike. Well, I wasn't talking about liking or disliking. I was just responding to belief. I'm talking about liking and disliking and how that fits into. But the question is a good point, and they're not the same, actually. But because of what I said, of that history, as soon as you do it, you're there.

[47:22]

It doesn't matter if you like it or not, just because of the habit. Arlene? Well, I was thinking when I was listening to Kathy, because we've had some dialogue about these things, that we have to pay attention to the near and the far enemies of these events. and really get very most intimate with keep going in and dig deeper because these near and far enemies actually prevail in a much more pronounced way in our daily life in these situations. And the realms are... When they unfold, you would kind of know where you've landed somehow with it. Or you can't land, so therefore you try to go into a little box to justify it, and then you try to get out of the box, and then you try to rationalize.

[48:30]

It's just that samsara wheel. I think that's the part that I constantly see in that indifference and And then that kind of foresting, and the Kokyo and the full moon ceremony is really good. My heart is really full of it. The Kokyo wasn't so good. I got 33 miles going again. And I have a whole story about that. Well, we have a lot of stories, don't we? That's how attached are we to our stories. one thing to talk about this but you know somebody could say you know like a lot of places in Europe say the tanks outside the door you know barbarians at the gate you got 24 hours you haven't got 24 you got two hours to get out get your stuff and hit the road you're dead you have that you know what are we going to do some monks sat still like uh wasn't it Ganto who was murdered by the panics that sat there and let out a scream that was heard for the ages

[49:35]

And what was one that burned down when they... Fire. Yeah. They said it was a very refreshing, cool breeze blowing today as they burned alive, rather than leave their home premises. I don't want to judge, too. But is that what they weren't leaving? Well, let's hope they didn't die in vain. It's the last minute, so I'm like, oh my God, I'm attached to this performance. I'm not sure I would agree that ceremonies only work if if you agree with them, or what was the expression, if you, you know, if you reify them, or if you believe in them, what you're doing them, because I think there's an effect that both chanting has, you know, the way it vibrates the body, and, you know, the bowing, and the physical forms, there's a way that, kind of like a yoga, like you said, that it works in you, even if you either don't understand what you're doing, or don't particularly want to do it.

[50:45]

That's what I was saying. I think everybody's saying that. There's also the idea that hearing it really seeps in. There's Buddha taught by speaking. When you heard it, the teaching just seeped through. There's also the idea about chanting and the vibrations of the sounds. that seeps through the cells. So I think there's something about that. Yeah, that's how I feel. That's why it never particularly bothered me if it was chanted and I didn't understand. Because on a level you do. My support for what he is saying is that What he was asking is that we all believe whatever we're doing.

[51:48]

Whether we believe, we're not believing that's our belief. I believe that's not necessarily our belief. There's always a belief system at work. It's just that they're unassumed assumptions. They're assumptions that we haven't recognized yet because they haven't surfaced, but sooner or later they do surface, and then we do see that we're holding onto it. We're at a certain place, and we have certain assumptions from which we create dispositions and act accordingly, taking it for reality, ultimate reality even. We seem to have a story around every word we use. Like, each word, like, people will hear their own story and bring that to the word. I'm very serious about the place of language and understanding language and nuance. Many of you know who heard me lately, I seem to be harping on this theme that I'm a little tired of hearing language that words are turds, you know, and that we get beyond that, we're going to understand the pure land once we get through our concepts.

[53:03]

But that's a whole story that we got through concepts. So what I think is the reality that has to dawn upon us is that we're born into a story and we keep making up stories. And that's what human beings do about it. And the thing about this story that is so interesting is the one story I've ever heard that says this is just a story being put together by our minds for us to look at what the mind itself is that's making this story. That's what the story is about. And here's the ways to find out that and see how we keep suffering. All this thing keeps collapsing and we suffer. That's If we just kind of pass on the knowledge about how we do that with one another, then I think we are fulfilling our temporary home, as comfortable as it may be here, before we all move on to the next place in our life, whatever that may be. How did you relate the twelve? What did you mean by the twelve?

[54:05]

Karmic consciousness. Twelve. The twelve nidanas, you know, the twelve links. The titya-sambhupada, the arising of causation. One is born in ignorance. Because of that, there is karmic consequences. Because of karmic consequences, there's a consciousness out of which we act. There's a consciousness out of which we react. We build up something called nama-rupa, mind and body. Mind and body depend on The sense organ. Sense organ depends on touch or contact. Out of contact, depending on contact, arises feeling. I like it. I don't like it. I don't know if I like it or not. Out of feeling comes grasping at something. Death or extension or something more. Strawberry sundae. Out of grasping becomes, I really like that one, really good, I'm gonna hold on to that, I really like strawberry. And I keep, yeah, so no craving, it's actually clinging.

[55:07]

Out of clinging arises becoming. That is to say, after the old world died, the old Buddha is dead, we make a new one. We're clinging to the idea of the Buddha. We make a new story, and we become that now. When we become that, out of becoming is birth, and birth is the assurance of sickness, old age, and death, in which we start again. So is our effort not to become? Yes. The whole subcontinent of India was dedicated to the proposition of not finally becoming anything, but evaporating into nirvana, not having to come back to this weary place called the world. about us for Mahayanas. But Mahayanas has a whole different story. Probably because sooner or later word got out that you think you're going to get out of here. Consciousness is always going to be here as one or the other of you, and you're not ever going to know any difference. Now it's expressed as this. Now it's expressed as... And it's not even an it.

[56:08]

You can't even find what it is. But anyway, it's always here. It's always now. And you can't find what now or here or you is. But that's the feeling of it. And you're always going to try to find out. So here it is. And you're it. But it says, as soon as you say that, I'm the world-honored one. That's not how you're caught again. You're not the world-honored one. You aren't the world-honored one. So I guess what all of these, the dialectic for all of these stories is to, you know, to pull us and see the form aspect of our life and then to see its ultimate inaccessibility by the mind or the body other than the mind or the body. Could you explain in your words, I don't get it, I don't get the... Explanation for... I mean, I do understand what home can be, could be, and then... For the what? For home. But why does... Upa Gupta says, I'm leaving home physically, and then the explanation I don't get.

[57:14]

He only knew that the elemental body leaves home. It, what it, the elemental body, comes without movement. What does that mean? I don't get it. Of course you don't get it. Say it in your words. Is it the English? Once it, quotation marks, dawns on you, or one, quotation marks, you realize that the dependent core risen thing called Doris, All at once does not exist. It never has. It's just a word, Doris. But that word is not just a word. The word Doris sums up the whole world that you are at the same time. But if I take away that word from you, in fact, if you insult somebody about their name, in some countries at least, you'll probably get a knife in your ribs.

[58:18]

The name is extremely important. To rob somebody of their name... We go to litigation over that. We go to court. Your name is how you... So, Doris, you know, as long as you go, huh, that's our karmic consciousness, naturally we respond. That's what we do. You call, I answer. Hi. There is just me. There is just... He was just a physical body. He didn't think about, is my mind moving? It's just all these reactive tendencies. He was just moving out. He did not rely on just the body. He just left home, his body. He just took his body and said, I'm moving out. Goodbye mom, goodbye dad. You know, stick over his shoulder with the little... Is that the same physically which is explained further up? If you read both of those over and over, you will see that neither mind nor body clings to anything. That they're both turned into stones like this priest. It's like you don't have any response.

[59:19]

You treat your kids like they're dust. You treat the whole world like they're dust. And in the midst of traffic and so on, you're free of all the attachment to the forms of city living. And then you're also unattached to the birdsong. You live under a bridge with the beggars. like Daito did for 15 years, until he perfected his 35 years of practice before that, finding out if he could actually live with the lice and the rats and the scum of the earth. And was it true that there's nothing so small that is not deserving of love? Deserving of compassion. I don't know about you, but every time I look in the mirror, I think, you know, how much longer? Where's home? What's it hold on to? How many homes have you been to?

[60:21]

How many places have you wandered through? How many times have you been in a place and you didn't know where you... You're all alone and you lean your forehead against a cold window pane. Your hands are in your pockets. You're looking out into the empty street again through some window. How many times have you done that in your life? It's got to start all over again. Pretty soon it fills up with people, stuff, and so on. And then you get to another place and they're all... Except one thing will follow you like an old toaster. I had this toaster that stayed with me for 35 years through marriages and divorces. And the toaster would keep turning up. It was like artifacts from some past civilization. You all understand what I'm saying? Family. Yeah. In fact, we have a friend, David and Brigitte, they have this house that is filled with beautiful stuff because all their friends, when they're breaking up, always... A house full of beautiful Buddhas and Tanghas and so on. All these people have given them and they're freaking up because they don't want to have any stuff with them.

[61:22]

When I came here in 1984, I came in with my VW Bug and in the back I had one trunk and I had one sack and I had two or three boxes of, you know, small boxes and a backpack. maybe something on a hanger, like a rope, not a rope, but something. That was it. After a lifetime of accumulation, finally got it down. Now, now if I were to move, I couldn't move in 20 minutes like I used to be able to do at Tosca. Well, it's the paintings. Plus the paintings. I painted myself in the aquariums. So, I had to build up another place where you enjoy it, but now, you know, now that I've done it, how do I get rid of it? How do I use it? Well, We need to build a gallery. Sure, okay. All right, so where are we? We've had an hour now. We're driving nowhere. You said, where are we? I said, we're nowhere. We're in one hour.

[62:28]

Any more discussion on these? I think that's probably enough. Now, I'd like to finish up the... business about the books tonight. And so anyone who has not paid Charlie, please pay Charlie. Okay, this is for Charlie. Should I give it to Arlene? Yeah, give it to Arlene. And anyone else? Then I have, anyway, that's it. I have some books that I'll take care of. So we'll take care of that business for the night. And the next week we have the last one. We'll just go on with the next one. Next week's the last class? Last class, six weeks. So bring a poem next week about your... About what? About the poster. Well, whatever, I mean... I'll form about one of them.

[63:33]

Well, when we were in Reb's class, we all had to write poems about all these, yeah. By each case. Under summer's sky and winter moon, he makes march time sitting cross-legged and unmoving, just taking things as they come, no world left to crush, no clouds left to scatter. That was about one of those. Let words spill out as they may. One naked dancer, ten thousand gestures. That's Arlene. Anyway, something short like that. A couple of lines about the dance of form and emptiness. About leaving home. You can make it really concrete. I don't care. Something that's real for you. Read it. Just something to think about this week. At the end of these chapters, it's wonderful. How each one is summed up in a poem. And particularly the one tonight, that's just... The house broken up, the people gone, neither inside nor out.

[64:46]

Where have body and mind ever hidden their forms in this one? I have a lot of sadness around this, what you described, but Now, that's a proper attitude for a boy to stop laughing. Sadness. Well, the idea, I think, is that we can if we can learn how to be at home anywhere. But most of us can't so easily. Just when things kind of meet what's comfortable for us. And then when it all changes, we look for a new one. Then we make the same one as we made before, although maybe a step better. In some sense. Still it is born in time, lives in time, and dies in time.

[65:52]

What are you going to do about that? Hamlet said, make her laugh at that. That's what I'm saying.

[66:07]

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