Look at those words. Good morning. If at any point in my talk this morning if you have trouble hearing me, please put your hand up. My name is Yvonne Rand, and I live down the road at a small temple, and I'm very happy to be here this morning. It seems like a morning with many blessings, the blessing of having it be 10-19 and not 11-19. Somehow we have this illusion that we have a gift, and we can be very pious because we could get up early without so much effort or resistance. I'm also quite grateful for the extraordinary luminous quality of the light today.

[01:11]

It's so much what happens here in this area at this time of year. There's a kind of fragile and delicate beauty to the light at this time of year, and in some curious way I don't get so lulled into thinking it will always be like this as I sometimes get in the summer. When the insane gardener in me gobbles the daylight greedily, I have a palpable sense that the days are growing shorter, the daylight days. So, I want to talk this morning about the miserable facts, it being Halloween, the eve before the Day of the Dead, and the time when in our less secular and less commercial world

[02:22]

is the time for acknowledging and greeting the so-called spirit world, which we as rational Americans don't pay so much attention to, but maybe we should. I heard a very interesting interview a few days ago about the Day of the Dead in which the person who was doing the commentary said that her understanding was that this was a time of acknowledging ancestors, but also of letting ourselves visit and revisit mortality, ours and others, as a way to help us not be so fearful about dying. So, I hope that the Day of the Dead practices don't get drawn into things for sale in

[03:29]

the way that Halloween has come to be. I'd like to begin by telling you a story about my dear late teacher, Kathiriroshi, who one time, when his center in Minneapolis, the students had organized a big fundraiser. The center needed money and had never really actively gone out to find funding from the local community. So they gathered together all of their grandmother's linens and silverware and teacups and proposed to have a big fancy afternoon tea party. And they made sandwiches and cut the crusts off and invited many significant leaders and wealthy members of the community in Minneapolis and St. Paul. And everybody arrived, for many, many people, the first time they'd ever been to the Minnesota

[04:35]

Zen Center. And at the appointed time, Kathiriroshi came downstairs in his robes, looking very handsome and radiant. And he looked around at everyone, smiling happily, and said, Good afternoon. I'm so glad you could come. You know, of course, that we all will die. And not very long after that, everyone left. And I believe they did not raise a single dime. This is a true story about us. Earlier this week, I sat with someone whose mind began to unravel and who came to the

[05:41]

conclusion that she couldn't stand her life and the significant obstacles she was experiencing. And she both felt like she was dying and wanted to die. And fortunately for me, it was very clear that I was not going to help her die. I said, well, that's right. But as I sat with my friend for some hours, I was reminded by something that Kathiriroshi used to talk about often, which is reminding us to pay attention to how fragile our lives are, how fragile our state of mind is. We take for granted that we will be well and live forever. And I think there is a way in which that's just part of our hard wiring.

[06:45]

But of course, there is significant evidence that we won't live forever. And in fact, in the world of the Dharma, in the world of Buddhist meditation in particular, there is continuously strong encouragement and pointing to the fact of impermanence. To the fact that we all will die and we do not know when or how. So we can with both a light touch and a penetrating touch use this period of time, today and tomorrow and Tuesday, to revisit those who have passed before us. To actually have the willingness to invite the so-called spirit world,

[07:50]

that is, the realm of being, if you will, that does not have form, to come back into our lives. We do ceremonies at this time of year where we make offerings that are more accessible to those beings without form. Incense, candlelight, the scent from flowers, sweet tea. One story that I heard in this program on the Day of the Dead, which I found quite wonderful, the interviewer had been sitting in a graveyard where many people were sitting at grave sites. And next to her was an old man who at some point during the night, this is in the context of the practice of sitting at the grave of some loved one through the night, the night of, this would be Monday night,

[08:51]

and this old man was sitting and started speaking out loud about how we've had a nice conversation and a nice visit and I'm very old and I need to sleep in my own bed. So in a little while I'm going to go home and sleep in my own bed, but I will be back. And this woman turned to see who he was talking to and she realized he was talking to the person whose grave he was sitting near. And I've been thinking, how interesting, talking to those who've passed over. I do that and I imagine that some of you do too, particularly for my dear old friends and teachers. I talk to them all the time and I can hear their voices speaking, often something that I actually did hear them live during their lifetime,

[09:57]

but maybe didn't understand so deeply or wasn't ready to hear or am more ready to hear and understand now. There are several of my teachers who I can actually sit down and talk to so that I can be receptive to the kind of advice that I might receive from them. But also there is the speaking, if you will, of acknowledging gratitude, cherishing whatever continues in our lifetime from those who've gone before us. So this afternoon I will, at our small center down the road, do the ceremony for children who have died, which I try to do once a season, but I particularly like to do it on this day, on the eve of the Day of the Dead,

[11:05]

a kind of memorial ceremony for those who have died before they were born. And this evening there will be the Segaki ceremony here, inviting all those who have passed over with great crashing cymbals and blowing of horns, making a racket to get their attention, to show up for acknowledgement, prayers, the food of the spirit world of incense and candlelight. I think it's very easy in our very irrational world to dismiss this kind of activity as superstition. But I also think that there is a way of relating to these ceremonies that is very important in terms of our honoring and acknowledging our ancestors

[12:12]

and those who have gone before us, particularly those practitioners and teachers who've gone before us and who've guided us to offer our prayers to all those who may need them, those we know and those we don't know, who wander hungry. But it's also a way of getting our attention about the fact of mortality. And as a friend of mine used to say, oh, these miserable subjects, why do we Buddhists have to always talk about these miserable subjects? But it's because we want to be happy. And we will be much happier if we include knowing that everything changes and that we too will die

[13:14]

than if we keep pushing the information away. We can spend an enormous amount of energy avoiding knowing about our own passing and in the process more easily not live fully in this beautiful morning, this moment right now. There is a kind of through-line in Buddhist meditation practices as they are taught in all of the main schools of Buddhism where there is a primary reference on bringing attention, resting attention on breath. And of course in the Zen practice, so does Zen tradition, a very careful and detailed description about how to do that

[14:15]

in combination with attention to the physical body and to the postures that are in service of cultivating attention, all in service of developing slowly and steadily if we're lucky, stronger and stronger attention such that we develop our capacity to stay present and awake with full attention, cultivated awareness for whatever arises, good news or bad news, unwaveringly present no matter what. And when we do that, the Buddhas say, we will discover underneath all of the habits and all of the conditioning that keeps us from knowing our deepest capacity for pristine awareness,

[15:21]

we will discover that if we are really present, if we're willing to show up moment by moment, we actually know what to do or say or not do or not say. Even if we have that experience only for a moment or two, once we have a taste of what it's like to be present in the way that I'm talking about, we can be inspired to go for that capacity, if you will, more and more. What I know is that having me tell you this doesn't really do you any good. What counts, the bottom line, is your own experience. So, right now, as we're sitting here together,

[16:24]

really feel your butt on the chair or cushion or bench. Really pay attention to allowing the upper torso to be aligned. Don't hold the back straight, but allow the energy that comes with the tension placed in the back, the allowing of the back to become straight. And let your attention go to your inhalation. And then when it comes, the exhalation. And the next inhalation. And so on. I can feel the feet of the fly crawling on my wrist.

[17:35]

And it's just sensation unless I start thinking about the dirty fly and they lay eggs and maggots and, you know, I can get quite disgustingly detailed about what this fly is up to. And then without even thinking about it, whap! And then I realize what I've done quickly. Really om mani padme hum. That reaction that arises from aversion, which arises from thought, takes me away from just those little feet walking around on my finger. At Tassajara in the summer, one time I remember trading descriptions with a friend of mine because we both had the flies drinking from the corners of our eyes

[18:40]

or kind of prying our lips open. Such a difference between the direct experience and thinking about the experience. Letting your attention rest with the breath is not the same as thinking about breathing. I don't mean to say that there is not a time and place for thinking, but in our society, in our time, we have so much emphasis on thinking and not enough emphasis on our direct experience based in the physical body and the breath. And as those of you who have been practicing meditation for a short or a long time know, our thoughts and our emotions are much more like riding on a roller coaster.

[19:42]

Very big highs and big lows. And if we keep bringing our attention back to the physical body, some specific attention, some specific detail of physical body sensation and then the breath, we have a very different kind of home base or reference point. Sometimes we have so much not thought about the fragility and brevity of our lives that we actually have talked ourselves into thinking, oh, I'm not afraid of dying. But I think most of the time, if not all of the time, we are afraid of dying. We have been selling ourselves some press release. So I like to recite the five remembrances

[20:49]

at least just before I go to sleep at night and ideally several times a day. The cheery five remembrances. I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to avoid having ill health. I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old. I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death. All that is dear to me and everything I love is of the nature to change. There is no way to be separated from them. My deeds are my constant companion. My deeds are the ground on which I stand.

[21:50]

I am my own protector. Someone I know who comes to sit with us occasionally said, I've been reciting these damned five remembrances for close to ten years, and I still hate them. I still shudder. And all I can say is she hasn't been hanging out with them enough. As some of you know, I have a great-grandmother and I have a bone spur in my left hip, so sometimes I have quite a hard time walking and I have to be quite careful about bowing. And I'm sitting on this old washerwoman's bench because if I cross my legs, even for a little while, then I really can't walk. I am of the nature to have ill health. So I know that, and I have a kind of vivid reminder with this hip.

[23:00]

So this morning I was out in the garden walking, doing some walking meditation, and I could walk with ease, without discomfort. And I am really enjoying walking this morning. I'm enjoying walking in a way that I don't remember enjoying walking before I developed this bone spur. Please don't wait to enjoy your lives until you're on your deathbed. And you can even do dress rehearsals. There's a quite fabulous Day of the Dead altar at the Oakland Museum, which will be there for a couple of days,

[24:03]

filled with skeletons sitting at sewing machines and standing at the stove cooking dinner and things like that. Just for a moment, we're all sitting here in this old hay barn, a bunch of skeletons. It's a rather amusing sight from some point of view. Have you not had the experience that I've had of turning away from what you are afraid of, and somehow, when you're not looking, whatever that is gets bigger and bigger and bigger? Some job you put off, and the longer you put it off, the worse it seems, and then you sit down and do it, and you think, how silly of me, that was easy, that wasn't anything like what I thought it would be. That's not what I thought it was going to be. I think for many of us, we think of dying as different from living.

[25:08]

But that's because we just don't know much about dying. We die exactly the way we live. And if we keep practicing fearful thoughts, then we are likely to be filled with fearful thoughts as we are dying. If we practice gratitude and generosity, if we really take on training the mind, the heart-mind for gratitude and generosity, we will be able to pass over, suffused with gratitude and generosity. My suggestion is that you don't start with dress rehearsals for the most horrific way you can think of, of dying. Start with what seems benign.

[26:15]

In this society, people often think of a good death as dropping in your tracks. But, of course, the downside of dropping in your tracks is you don't have a chance to stabilize and prepare the mind, unless you are a very developed practitioner, like Gandhi, who died with the name of God on his lips. But that was because he had the name of God on his lips all the time before that. It helps. So from a Buddhist perspective, the idea of a longer passing over is considered auspicious because then we have a chance to pat our lives, those we love and those who are our enemies,

[27:17]

to say, I forgive you. Will you forgive me? A chance to discover the blessedness of being helpless and being taken care of. Very challenging for those of us who are used to being the caregivers and the helpers. So, along with kids and adults dressing up in costumes and going out trick-or-treating and having parties, please think of this day and this evening and the next two days as a time for remembering those who've passed over and including our own mortality in part of our contemplation and consideration.

[28:19]

I actually think that beginning now and through New Year's, we have the opportunity to take each of the holidays as they come and to come back to the dimension that can be found in each holiday during this fall and winter season that has some dimension that has to do with our spiritual lives. And our experience of the so-called holiday season can be quite different if we do that. If you are someone who struggles with the fading of the daylight, the shortening of the days and the lengthening of the nights, let yourself go outside. And if you're lucky to live somewhere where there are not too many bright lights, enjoy the night sky and its brilliance. Especially as we go into the winter.

[29:24]

And let this time when the natural world around us is going to sleep and dying back, getting ready for rest, for the insanity of spring. There is great beauty and great relief in being present with this time of falling leaves, of dormancy, of sleep. We, of course, all die all the time, but we often manage not to notice it. If there is a fairly long exhalation, you may notice a little space at the end of the exhalation, which is a kind of minor dying. But every time we finish something,

[30:32]

every time we close the cover of a book, or close a drawer, or finish a meal, there is a kind of ending. And we're not afraid of those endings. They are so much a part of our daily lives, we don't usually even notice them. You might make a bouquet and put it somewhere in your house, but don't throw it away when the flowers begin to fade. Let it stay there until January 2nd. And just notice the changes. Notice how what you might initially think is ugly or disgusting begins to look different to you as you keep returning and looking at the flower arrangement. The wonderful thing about Halloween and the Day of the Dead

[31:45]

is that there's also a chance for some humor and some fun. That's very important. If we get too serious, we begin to tighten up and constrict. And then all of our negative energy and all of our conditioned reactions to passing over begin to take over. The rigorous attention to the cultivation of attention in the Buddhist meditation stream is totally in service of the cultivation of our happiness. That may not be obvious to all of us initially, but in time, in your own experience, you may see how that is so. Begin with this ancient ceremony

[32:49]

of acknowledging all those who have passed over in the past year and remembering particularly those who struggled in their dying, who we have some concern for, that they may still be wandering. This ceremony of remembering, acknowledging, feeding, in a way, the spirit world. When we do that, we are including ourselves in that process in a way that can be very important. So I'd like to wish you all a happy Halloween and hope that you continue enjoying this beautiful day and that you can include in your enjoyment of the day

[33:50]

noticing in whatever ways you have some openness to see impermanence. As I came up here from where I live, the luminous quality of light really struck my eye, shimmering off of the bay trees and the cottonwoods that are in the windrow here in this valley. Heartbreakingly beautiful. And clearly only of the moment. Is that light less beautiful because it is so brief? I think it's more beautiful because it is so brief. Our suffering comes when we try to hold on to it. But if we open the hand and open the mind,

[34:53]

we won't have that suffering that comes from trying to grab on to what we can't grab on to, including our lives. Thank you very much.

[35:06]

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