Good morning. Right when Soren, right when the Jisha came to pick me up, I was getting up from my desk and I got a very strong twinge in my back, like weak and sharp, weakness of the back and sharp pain and very fast. And then it felt like, well, maybe I couldn't pick up my book or get dressed, and then it went away. Anyway, so walking here seemed fine, bowing seemed fine, but I've never had problems with my back before, so any moment I may collapse in a heap and you can cart me off to the Nirvana Hall. Anyway, you also

[01:03]

may be experiencing difficulties with your back, with your neck, shoulders, ankles, calves, knees, sitting bones. What? Knees. Oh, yeah, knees. Knees. Let us not forget knees. Knees, ears. No part of our bodies are left out in this part of what we might be having problems with internally, externally. This is our human life. So please, everyone, take very, very, very good care of yourself. Know yourself intimately. Know what's just enough, what's too much, and what's not enough to actually feel in the session, what's indulging in...

[02:10]

What's the word? Oh, it's a great word. Let's see. Oh, I'll think of it. Anyway, indulging in cushy, kind of too comfortable or indulging in too much painful activity. So please, everyone, take great care in getting into your posture, uncrossing yourself or getting up. And at the beginning, especially, you know, I have sciatica, so I have to be very careful that not even a quarter of an inch of my robe is under my leg in a certain way or my leg will go numb. So I have to, you know, I think it's all fine and dandy. And then I sit for a little bit and I begin to feel it going numb. So that means there must be some tiny little fold that I missed, you know, so I

[03:14]

have to rearrange there. Oh, okay. So once you settle yourself, you may need to readjust. Don't be shy. That's different from fidgeting, you know. I guess Leslie didn't come back yet. I thought she was coming back this morning. Does anyone know? Went late last night. So this is Leslie's story, but I will tell it. There was a student here years ago. We were at Tuscarora at the same time. I was here as well with him. And he just was here for a couple practice periods and then went off to do other things. And, you know, as a first or second practice period person, he never took responsibility

[04:19]

or crew head or doan or any of those things. And Leslie bumped into him somewhere afterwards, a couple years later, and said to him, how was Tassajar for you? Or what was the meaning of it for you in your life? And he said, because, you know, it was someone who was here kind of briefly, really, not very noticeably making a mark on Tassajar life, particularly just regular person. So she asked him, what was Tassajar like for you? And he said, being at Tassajar was when I joined the human race. Being at Tassajar was when I joined the human race. Or rejoined, maybe. So, ah, this

[05:20]

life here, so simple, so unremarkable in some ways. What is it that we're doing? Get up, sit a little bit, have some breakfast, chant in there, do some work, take a bath, eat, you know. And yet, this is unspeakably, inconceivably powerful in our life. And we may feel like we're joining the human race again, joining human beings. And, you know, I think I agree with that. I think, as you know, my first year or so here, I didn't notice anything, the leaves on the trees, the birds, the butterflies,

[06:22]

the nothing. I was completely in despair, miserable. And yet, in an inconceivable way, Tassajar life, this very simple life, was meeting me. And, you know, this story of the fox, you know, in some way, I feel like I had maybe a fox possession in some way. There was some quality of being unable to meet others, unable to meet myself, unable to meet the world. And this spell, you know, slowly by slowly, was broken.

[07:22]

And I think this happens the kind of in the dark, you know, it happens in a way that we can't get hold of or track how it is that we join the human realm. While we're busy following the schedule and making our bag lunch, meanwhile, somewhere beyond our, outside of our perceptions, there is, you know, settling and life, new life, new growth. But in the dark, kind of like under the ground with the roots, you know. So, we are given problems. I say we are given because

[09:01]

this back problem, or ankle problem, or knees, or whatever it is, this is something that's for you. It wasn't meant for somebody else. Although you may wish it was, but it's exactly the problems that we have fit us like a glove. And if we say no to our problems, if we say uh-uh and run, you know, trying to avoid calamity, they will meet us in some other form. Our problems that we notice in Sashin are not new and fresh. There are problems that we may not have been taking care of or noticing before.

[10:18]

So, as I was mentioning to someone today, our Sashin time is like, alchemically, it's like being in the crucible, right? In the cauldron or the crucible, over the fire, and then putting the heat up, you know, turning the temperature high, so we can really cook. And then paying attention so it doesn't burn, keep stirring, you know. And we voluntarily say, I'm going to go into this crucible, I'm going in, with all my friends, you know, here we go. So, the voluntary nature of it is we can work with our life in a different way than what feels like the involuntary nature of our difficulties that come, our day-to-day things. They may feel like they're coming unbidden from all over, but Sashin, it's voluntarily.

[11:37]

We don't go looking for problems, they're just right here. Gesundheit. So, I feel like telling some stories today. You know, have you heard the term, river tooth? A river tooth? Does anyone know that term, river tooth? In a river, sometimes there's, the banks of the river have like a big boulder or a big tree trunk that's kind of growing half in the river, and as the banks change, as the river flows and gets higher and lower and the banks change, it erodes away the soil around like a big boulder or a tree trunk.

[12:41]

And then those are left kind of sticking out on the banks of the river like teeth. You can picture that like river, and they're called river teeth. And also this term, river teeth, is used for times in our life that remain kind of sticking out in our mind or as a landmark or a benchmark. If you think of, you know, how many thousands of hours and days and encounters and conversations and so forth we've all had in our lives, whether we're in our 20s or our 60s, but there's certain ones that stand out for some reason. Those are the river teeth. And they may not be all that remarkable. And this river tooth came to mind, which was, it's a Suzuki Roshi story, but it's not like a big teaching story. But it must be, because it's a river tooth for me. And it's a story of my first year at Zen Center, which was Suzuki Roshi's last year, 1971.

[13:50]

And he was ill at the time, but he would sometimes stay after dining room dinner. He would eat dinner, not every night, but often in the dining room at Page Street, and then stay after, just sit at the table. And people would sit around and have tea and just talk. So I would join, and being a newer student, I didn't have much to say. I just was watching it, you know. And I remember this one night, he was drinking green tea, and he said something like, green, when you drink green tea, and then he went like this with his hand. Did you see that? Which he was pointing to the fact that green tea, when you drink green tea, you have to pee. It goes, and then kind of out. And then he chuckled.

[14:59]

And I remember thinking, isn't that funny, this Zen master talking about the fact that he has to pee when he drinks green tea, that green tea makes him pee more. And then I realized that I had noticed that, because I had never had green tea before coming to Zen Center. And I too had noticed that green tea, there is this correlation between drinking green tea and having to pee more frequently. Which I hadn't thought to mention to anybody, but it was this, talk about joining the human race, which I hadn't yet joined. Just his saying, when you drink green tea, and then chuckling, there was something for me, it was a river truth, right? It was, let's see, what did it mean to me? It meant, being a Zen master meant being a regular person that lived and ate and went to the bathroom.

[16:19]

And it just, it was like not this, I don't know, some idea I had of what Zen master was. And not only that, you could kind of joke about it and just be with people in a non-special way. I think it was all that and more. Probably nobody else in the dining room remembered him even saying that, I don't know. But for me, it was a river truth. No embarrassment, no, what kind of teaching is involved in this, you know, it was just, it was so nothing. It was so unremarkable. And then later, speaking of peeing, later I remember Katagiri Roshi, and you probably read this too, talking about, and the night in person is like a horse pissing, do you know that?

[17:30]

That analogy? And then I remember being at Green Gulch and seeing a horse sort of standing there in the field, and remembering Katagiri Roshi saying that that was like an enlightened person. And it gave me pause, you know, to watch this horse. But yeah, it was just, it was sort of unremarkable, just standing there, took a while. Anyway, I think that's why we love Zen, that kind of aesthetic, you know, very down home, very unremarkable. And so it was helpful in breaking a kind of illusion about, I don't know what, Zen masters, I guess. So, there's something that I just remembered that I've been wanting to mention. It's a form thing for service in the morning, when we do that bow, the dedication to Shakyamuni Buddha.

[19:14]

Shakyamuni Buddha, our great original teacher, and so forth. And there's a bell, and if we're in seiza, we go down into a bow. And because we can't see what anybody else is doing, sometimes we don't know how to actually, what the form is for that bow. So, I just thought I'd mention, since I've noticed that people are doing it different ways. So, we have our hands in gassho, when the bell goes, and then we go down, and keeping our gassho a fist's width from our nose, right, all the way down until our hands touch the ground, and then we stop with a fist's width from... I don't want to see what my back's going to do if I do this. So, when we hit the zabuton with the hands, we stop. I think for a long time, I thought it was a good time to rest my head, and I'd put my hand down on my hands, and then I'd sort of rub my eyes a little bit, do a few grooming activities if, you know, nobody could see.

[20:17]

So, anyway, that's the form, hands in gassho, fist's width away, all the way down, and then you just hold it there, okay? So, I just thought I'd mention it in case you hadn't been practicing that form. So, we have been looking at this Baizhang's Fox, Hyakujo and the Fox, and I don't know about you, but it seems to be kind of... I can't help thinking about it, and I'm not sure if it's a good idea to do it. And turning it, maybe some of you are turning it, and others are saying, I wish she'd stop talking about the Fox already. But whatever is happening for you, I just wanted to bring up some other points around it.

[21:23]

One thing in the commentary in the Shoyo Roku, in the introduction, which I read the other day, it says, has there ever been anyone who mistakenly transgresses? Has there ever been anyone who mistakenly transgresses? So, if we look at what the word... Actually, I didn't look up transgress, but to transgress means to go against... I should look it up, what transgress means. But to break, to go against the precepts, let's say, or to go against our understanding or the truth, to transgress. And has anyone ever done that mistakenly? Is it possible to do that mistakenly?

[22:29]

Now, in this study of karma over this practice period, there's been some instances where there's questions like, if you do something harmful, like hurt someone, and don't know that you did it, is that a transgression? Is that a violation of the precepts? And from what I understand is, no. If you make a mistake, that is not called violation of the precepts. The violation of the precepts has to include one's intention, one's motivation, one's... the chetana, the volitional action has to be there. But to do something without knowing is not called violation of the precepts or is not called transgression. So, has there ever been anyone who mistakenly transgresses?

[23:32]

So I guess within the word transgressive itself, included in that word is intention. And if something happens and someone says, hey, that hurt, it might be a surprise, and we might say, ah, I'm sorry, you know. Is that transgression? Go ahead. Yes, that's right. So the cause and effect, yes, someone got hurt, there is cause and effect. But the karmic transgression, violation of the precepts,

[24:44]

according to your subjective moral karmic life, yes, it's different. So cause and effect is not necessarily always karmic. Yes? Where a lot of these things come from, a lot of these consequences, a lot of these consequences, which you know, have, you know, the unintended that still have to be faced, how does...

[26:01]

Yes? Well, I think that middle area is not so middle as much as if you can look at where there is the intention to not pay attention or where there is the intention to indulge in whatever, unwholesome whatever. So this, I'm not so sure it's gray, but it may not be, it may not correspond to that cause and effect, but there's something going on there that is intentional. Yes, Jackie? So you purposefully intend to do something, but not in your consciousness is to hurt anyone or to do anything unwholesome.

[27:09]

It's just you intend to do something, and then you find out that there was some kind of harm. So the question is, wherein is the karma? Well, you know, the fact that we had... our view was too narrow, you know, let's say. We didn't have a wide enough understanding of the nature of our activity or of that particular action may include karmic coverings, you know, or klesha, let's say, afflictive emotions that covered in such a way that we couldn't actually see widely enough.

[28:19]

So in that way, there may be some kind of transgression, but this correlation between I intend to do this and my intention, as far as I can see, is not to harm, is to take care of things well or kindly or whatever it is. But the unintended happens. So I think it's a different kind of transgression than that you intended for that to happen, that you wanted that to happen. So the use of narrow and blind view.

[29:20]

You know, when I was a child, I ran right down the street, right in the street where there was a painting, I think, a child painted that wall in the street, and he'd stop and look at it for the first time. There's no attempt to dig into that. It's pretty easy to imagine that this man is going to be able to further change that. Question from the audience. Did everyone hear Everett? Yes. So this arising, this horrific event has happened.

[30:59]

How does the person practice with enduring and bearing this arising? Yes. I think the real question is, what is the cause and effect of trauma where there doesn't seem to be intention, but there's still this whole thing that's not going to be completed? There's no blame. There's no blame. But there's suffering and remorse, and this man carries this for the rest of his life.

[32:11]

How then is that transmuted into an awakened life? That's the cause and effect there. So the Bodhisattva, it's said that the Bodhisattva knowingly and willingly transgresses. Do you know that little phrase, the Bodhisattva knowingly and willingly transgresses? This is sometimes talked about, the Bodhisattva continues to wait until all beings have been fully enlightened before their final enlightenment,

[33:33]

waiting until all beings have crossed over. So they knowingly and willingly return to this world or all the different realms in order to help beings. So out of compassion, the Bodhisattva knowingly and willingly transgresses, meaning gets mixed up in the human realm of cause and effect and the whole ball of wax, knowingly and willingly. Now, we have this image of the lotus in muddy water, and the lotus grows, its roots and the stem and everything is in the mud, and then it comes up and it flowers over the water, lifted up above the water, but completely rooted in the water.

[34:39]

And this image of the lotus as the Bodhisattva, you know, completely knowingly and willingly in the mud, and yet flower, and yet flowering. Yes? You mean the Bodhisattva? Yeah. Well, my understanding is they knowingly and willingly get right back on the wheel with ignorance, karmic formations, they're right in the marketplace with everybody doing, you know, drinking green tea, hanging out. But they're just with people, you know, like in the marketplace with gift-bestowing hands, you can't tell who they are. You can't. They're not separated in some pure way. Their purity is knowingly and willingly transgressing or being in the mud.

[36:21]

I see a blank. Yeah, well, I guess I feel that way too. Taking human form. Did you hear Sonia? Can you say it louder? In the story of whether dogs have good nature, and Shabba says yes, and they go, why in dog form? And the answer was knowingly and willingly transgressing. So maybe the transgression is coming back again and again. Yeah, yeah. Well, my understanding is that taking, remaining in the world, staying with people is a kind of, yeah, I think with a wink, with a wink and a nod, transgression.

[37:44]

But if you're going to be in the human world, there's going to be problems, you know. Yes. [...]

[39:00]

I think this, using the transgressions as a way to develop ourselves, using our problems as resource, as, without our problems, how would we develop, you know? Without these supposed transgressions, how would we understand how to help other people who transgress? Don't you feel that when you've really had some difficulty and you know it thoroughly and settled with it and are intimate with it, then you can be with somebody else with that problem, right? You know what they're, it doesn't scare you, you know. Yes. Wait a minute. This is something Joan told Seguin last summer and now it's become part of Seguin.

[40:12]

We don't know what it is. Okay. Well, you know that story, I think we've told it maybe this practice period about the, or maybe Sonia told it, about the monk who was in the hut in that lady's, on the lady's land and she was taking, feeding him and giving him this shelter and he practiced Zazen and for a long time and you know that story? Okay. And then she thought she would see, you know, how he's developing into a Bodhisattva, right? So she tested him by sending her beautiful 16-year-old daughter, they're always 16, to kind of flirt with him and see what happens and he remained, you know, practicing Zazen, unmoving, was not bothered in the least, right?

[41:32]

And when she heard that, she drove him out and burned down the hut and said, if I had known you were that kind of a person, I never would have been feeding you all these years, get out, you know? So that story, you know, to me is like, you know, turning away and touching are both wrong for it is like a massive fire. So had he gotten involved with her daughter, I think she probably would have drove him out and burned his hut down as well, you know, broken the six-month rule. But what he did was, that would have been touching, right, massive fire, but he did turning away, I am a Zen student, nothing can bother me, I sit and don't pay attention to whatever. That's a kind of turning away, it's very cold, right? Just like with a fire, if you touch it, you get burnt, if you turn away, get too far away, you're cold.

[42:34]

So what might he have done in that circumstance, we don't know, because this particular fellow was trying not to transgress, basically. What would it have been to knowingly and willingly transgress, meaning, I don't know, what is according with circumstances there, what would it have been? Probably would have been in the Shoyo Roku, that story, how he offered her a cup of tea, green tea, and then he went... So I think this is a very important point for our practice, this turning away and touching for us, and I don't know about Arhats, and I don't want to say, I think traditionally they're set up in that way in relation to Bodhisattvas as being, you know, like in Vimalakirti Sutra, they're the fall guys a little bit for the wonderful Bodhisattvas, Vimalakirti, you know, the Arhats.

[43:45]

You know, don't want to get ruffled or have their pure practice get messed up in various ways, so there's a lot of humor in that, but Arhats, you know, we have dedications for Arhats and the Arhats are, you know, wonderful beings, but traditionally they're used in that way as a contrast thing. But for us, what might be turning away and touching, what might be attachment to pure practice or attachment to not transgressing or what looks like shining practice Bodhisattvas, you know, and what's actually being warmth. You know, being in the world in a warm way without grasping.

[44:51]

I think of that as knowingly and willingly transgressing. That koan is, maybe so, I don't know what to say, but how that cat could have been saved, Dogen also has a whole list of things that he would have said or what the students could have said, you know, to respond to Nantuan there. But sometimes there are actions that are taken that we don't understand, you know, this thing that I mentioned about the lousy human being and the great Zen master, you know, that is not necessarily, we may see something and feel. In fact, I remember there was an instance, actually, Mea was involved in this, if I may, Mea, where Reb was teaching and there were a lot of visitors, it was either a koan class or some kind of class where the elder hostel was at Green Gulch.

[46:43]

And so there was a lot of visitors, older people who were going to study Zen for the week, you know, and Mea and Reb had this really strong back and forth where Reb, I don't know if he raised his voice or he just, he and Mea were really like meeting, I felt. Knowing Mea and knowing Reb and knowing how long they'd been practicing together and their relationship and commitment, teacher-student, it was like, it was intense and it was great. This is my point of view. And I ended up talking with about five elder hostel people who were like, ah, ah, what happened there? What, that teacher and he was so mean to her and dah, dah, dah. And it was like, it was obvious to me they couldn't see what was intimate waking upness, what was, they couldn't see it. So they may have thought, well, Reb's a lousy human being or something and poor Mea, but, you know. So we have to be very careful about judging in that way, you know. We have to know who the people are, what is their relationship, that that either works or doesn't work, you know.

[48:06]

And there's taking the, you know, reading these stories or seeing something like that and then trying it out on your own, like what happened to me once when I was, you probably heard this story, but leading the Coal Valley Zen group that was meeting at the Tussar Bread Bakery on Sunday nights for about two years. And there was very new students who would come once a week on a Sunday night and this one fellow, after having read some of the koans, you know, someone brought something up and he grabbed her by the scruff of her shirt and kind of shook her around. And, well, she was being assaulted, she felt, and he thought, well, it's just like the koans, you know, I'm kind of like Wong Bo or something. I happened to not have been there that night. This was the night that somebody else was there. And they told me about this thing that happened, you know, and I had big meetings and, you know, facilitators, and so you can mistakenly have ideas about what's a Zen action, you know, and what's just delusion, you know, about who you are and what kind of, you know, these Zen students, you know.

[49:31]

These stories come out of intimacy and practicing together and thoroughly taking refuge together. It's not gimmick. So I'm done. You may want to talk a little bit more. So this is what I was going to ask you. I was going to ask you to tell me who Baizhang was. Just somebody, call it out. Who is Baizhang? Just one thing about him that you know. Okay. Anything else? Yeah. Regulations. Old. Yeah. And what happened in this koan? What was he doing when the koan starts out? What? Yes, giving a Dharma talk. And then what happened? What did he notice? Where was the old man? And what happened one day? He was giving a series of talks. What happened one day?

[50:52]

And the old man stayed behind. And what did Baizhang say to the old man? And what did the guy say? Yes. And then what happened back in the day? What happened to him? What was that question? All right. All those are translated that way. And then what did he say to that student? Does not fall into cause and effect. And what happened? Five hundred lifetimes, the body of a fox. Fox lover, yes. And so then what does he say to Baizhang, the Baizhang of the mountain now? What was that? Turn a phrase?

[52:09]

And Baizhang asked him, so ask me again. So what did he say? And Baizhang of the present day said? Is that what? And what happened? Then what did he say then? What did the man, fox man say to Baizhang? So then what did Baizhang do? What happened next? Lunch. Called the director and said? And did the monks, what did they think about that? How come?

[53:22]

So after lunch, what happened? Indoor grotto, yes. And what happened in there? Found it, yeah. And then cremated it like a monk. So that was that activity of the afternoon. Then what happened later? Yes. And what did he, how did he bring it up? And what happened next? A tall pearl head, yes. Tall pearl head, what? What did he say? How tall was he? And what did he ask?

[54:31]

And what did Baizhang say? So this seven foot pearl head came forward and what happened? And what did Baizhang do? And said? Good. Well, that was fun. That happened, that was Master Ma to Baizhang. His nose got twisted when they talked about wild ducks. Something just occurred to me about wild ducks, but it's a little off color, so I don't know if I should tell it.

[55:47]

But in the spirit of green tea discussion. My daughter, when she was five years old, had a little friend who we drove to a birthday party or something and she was in the car and she said, she had a lisp, I think. And so she sounded really cute. And she said, out of the blue, she just offered this information to us. She said, you know what my dad said when he farts? And we said no. And she said, low flying ducks. You're welcome.

[56:52]

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