I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. Good morning everyone. Can you hear me? Is this on? Can you hear me? Okay, good. I just want to have a look around and see who's here. So this is of course the first Saturday of the month, of which you are all probably aware. So some of you may not be aware that on the first Saturday of the month we direct the first portion of the talk to the children. So welcome everybody and welcome kids. And you didn't like the chanting, did you? No. Okay, well, even though it's my job to give the talk, I'm going to ask you guys for some help today, okay? And you're going to help me by, I hope, answering some questions. So does everybody know that it's a holiday this weekend?

[01:01]

Yeah? Yeah, okay. Some people say yes. So that means that if you go to school, you don't have to go to school on Monday. And some mommies and daddies don't have to work, so it's a holiday. Does anybody know what the holiday is? Yes, please. Labor Day. Thank you. Does anybody know what the word labor means? Yes, please. Work. Thank you. So Labor Day is a work day or a day that we think about work and the day where some of us are grateful we don't have to work and we're grateful to the people who do work. Okay, so the other thing I want, okay, so my next question is what's in my hand? Huh? Nothing. It looks like I forgot something. Let's see. Ah, okay. Now, what's in my hand?

[02:03]

An apple. Okay. So for Labor Day, what I'd like to think about or maybe ask you guys some questions about, you can, you know what? When we're finished with this, I'll give you the apple and you can take it away and eat it with your friends, okay? Okay. It smells pretty good and it's cold, but you know what? I didn't wash it, so that's some of the labor I didn't do. Okay, so here's the deal. So who can think of the work that, who worked for this apple? Who worked? Yes, please. The farmers. The farmers planted it. Who else worked for the apple? What? Wait, I... Okay, okay. You're not, you're too old. Who else? You said something. Nature. Okay, so what does nature do to make this apple?

[03:04]

Yes? So first you have to have a flower, then you have to have a bee or two, right? And then the flower turns into an apple, which is pretty amazing, right? What is the, what is the flower, what is the, so it grows on a tree, right? And where does the tree come from? Where does the tree come from? From a seed, from an apple seed, right? So first you have an apple and then the tree, the apple comes from the tree. No, the apple comes from the flower. The flower's on the tree. The tree comes from the seed. The seed is in the... Right. And what does the ground need to make a tree? Yes? Soil and water. And what else? Sun. And what else? What comes down from the sky? What comes down from the sky? Rain. Rain, right. So, and you know, so here we have this tree. And the sun, the sunshine. And so today we don't have a whole lot of sunshine, but we have, we have some nice clouds.

[04:09]

And maybe, maybe some place, some place it's raining on an apple tree. Okay? So... Huh? Well, I haven't seen any. I think there might be some in the park. So, so let's, so somebody said that the farmer makes the apple, works for the apple to come to us. Who else works for the apple to come? Anybody else? Yes, sir? Worms. They, yeah. They, they, they get the soil all nice and loose for us. The farmers eat them. So what about the guys and the gals who pick the apples? The farmers and their helpers. And yes? And then what happens when the apples get picked? Yes, you. No, no, just... Horses can eat them. Pardon? The horses can eat them. The horses like apples too. What, what happens when the farmers get picked?

[05:10]

The apples get picked. Right. And so you were going to say something too, right? No? Okay, so what I think... Yes, ma'am? Apple juice, apple pie, apple butter, apples and peanut butter. Maybe I won't give you this apple. This is starting to sound pretty good to me. Can I have it? No. Okay. So what I'm thinking is, so here we've got all this stuff, right? So we've got the sun and we've got the earth and we've got the worms and we've got the ground and we've got the rain and we've got the tree and we've got the flower and we've got the seed and we've got the apple and then we've got the farmers who pick the apple and... And apple pie. And apple pie. And apple pie. And we've got the people who load the apples on the trucks, right? Yeah. And the people who unload the apples off the trucks. And the people who put the apples in the store. And the people, maybe your mommy or daddy who goes to the store and buys the apples for you.

[06:12]

And so that's a lot of work for one apple. You know? An apple doesn't have legs. An apple doesn't have legs. This is true. So, things that don't have legs often need more help from other people. So you can hold them all the time. Yes, so I can hold it all the time. So this is, so what I would like us to think about is, now I have another question for you. How many of you at your houses, before you eat dinner or lunch or something, say a little prayer? Some of you? Okay, some of you? Well, I like to say a little prayer before I eat. And basically what I like to say is, I want to thank everything and everybody that brought this apple to me. So maybe when you, I think you're going to have a snack, right? Do you guys have snacks when you go in there? Yeah? Okay. So maybe when you have a snack today, you can think about all the different things.

[07:18]

Like if you're having milk, wow, that's a lot. That's cows and everything. Yes, ma'am? Milk is not an apple. Milk is not an apple. So it has a whole different kind of work that needs to make it happen to us. And cookies, oh my word. There's so many different things in cookies. It's so complicated. Yeah, many things. So what I would like you to do now is I would like, what's your name? Your name? Leo. Leo? I would like Leo to come up and take the apple, if you would please. Okay, thank you. And then I would like, you can stand up. And then I would like Leo to lead all the rest of you out. Okay? Okay, guys. So enjoy. Bye. Enjoy your apples. Enjoy your apples. And your cookies and your milk. And don't forget to say thank you.

[08:22]

Thank you. Oh, thank you for coming. So no more noisy, ugly chants. You can go now. Okay. Alrighty. So there are places vacated for those of you who are standing, if you would like to sit. Or not. If you prefer to stand in the doorway for a quick exit, if you don't like what I'm going to say. Okay. Well, that was nice. So anyhow, what I'd like to see, please, if I may, is, now you're going to help me, a show of hands. How many of you are like here for your first time? Okay. That's scattering, but enough. How many of you are here who haven't been here, oh, more than like three or four times? Okay, so most of you are sort of old. I didn't want to, let's see, seasoned. Kind of know what to expect. So usually, you know, on one of the Saturday mornings, we try to have, or at least I usually try to devote most of the lecture to new people.

[09:29]

We try to be, I try to be, I think in general we try to be sort of unintimidating and inclusive and welcoming and not too challenging. But then I was thinking about this lecture and I thought, nah, I don't want to do that. I want to talk about some stuff that I want to talk about. And we'll see where it goes. Basically, what I want to talk about is choosing a spiritual path, failing at it, and happiness. So I'm going to talk about Zen practice, Zen failure, and what that's like. Okay. So the first, I'm going to read a few things, too, because I like to have my opinions backed up, which means I will read selectively. So the first book I'm going to read from is this one. It's called Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. I'm sure many of you know it and perhaps have read it. It's by Suzuki Roshi, who was the founder of Zen Center. And I will begin by reading this. I think some of you who practice Zazen, Zazen, by the way, is just our word for meditation, here may believe in some other religion, but I do not mind.

[10:39]

Our practice has nothing to do with some particular religious belief. And for you, there is no need to hesitate to practice our way, because it has nothing to do with Christianity or Shintoism or Hinduism. Our practice is for everyone. Usually when someone believes in a particular religion, his attitude becomes more and more sharp angle, pointing away from himself. But our way is not like this. In our way, the point of the sharp angle is always towards ourselves, not away from ourselves. So there is no need to worry about the difference between Buddhism and the religion you may believe in. So this sounds very nice and inclusive. And as though everything is all kind of mushed together and it's all one. And we can all sort of have the same practice and be happy with each other. And as much of what Suzuki Roshi says, it can be misunderstood. Because he tends to say things paradoxically. In one paragraph, he'll say one thing, and then he'll turn around and say exactly the other thing.

[11:42]

So what I'd like to do now is read something from another book. This is called The Eightfold Noble Path by Bhikkhu Bodhi. And it is a book that I can recommend without any hesitation for both the student who is new to Buddhism and for somebody who has been practicing Buddhism. It is without doubt one of the best books on basic Buddhism that I've ever read. I've studied it with people, I teach from it, and I've given it as gifts. I think we probably have it in the bookstore. At any rate, what he says, Bhikkhu Bodhi, I think is very good. He says, One approach to resolving this problem, the approach of choosing a spiritual path, that is popular today is the eclectic one. To pick and choose from the various traditions whatever seems amenable to our needs.

[12:46]

Welding together different practices and techniques into a synthetic whole that is personally satisfying. Thus one may combine Buddhist mindfulness meditation with sessions of Hindu mantra recitation, Christian prayer with Sufi dancing, Jewish Kabbalah with Tibetan visualization exercises. Eclecticism, however, though sometimes helpful in making a transition from a predominantly worldly and materialistic way of life to one that takes on a spiritual hue, eventually wears thin. While it makes a comfortable halfway house, it is not comfortable as a final vehicle. There are two interrelated flaws in eclecticism that account for its ultimate inadequacy. One is that eclecticism compromises the very traditions it draws upon. The great spiritual traditions themselves do not propose their disciplines as independent techniques that may be excised from their setting and freely recombined to enhance the felt quality of our lives.

[13:49]

They present them rather as parts of an integral whole of a coherent vision regarding the fundamental nature of reality and the final goal of the spiritual quest. A spiritual tradition is not a shallow stream in which one can wet one's feet and then beat a quick retreat to the shore. It is a mighty tumultuous river which would rush through the entire landscape of one's life. And if one truly wishes to travel on it, one must be courageous enough to launch one's boat and head out for the depths. The second defect in eclecticism follows from the first. As spiritual practices are built upon visions regarding the nature of reality and the final good, these visions are not mutually compatible. When we honestly examine the teachings of these traditions, we will find that major differences in perspective reveal themselves to our sight. Differences which cannot be easily dismissed as alternative ways of saying the same thing.

[14:51]

Rather they point to very different experiences, constituting the supreme goal and the path that must be trodden to reach that goal. Okay. So this on the first hand seems a little different from what Suzuki Roshi was saying. But, you know, Suzuki Roshi was speaking about zazen specifically, I think. And my understanding of what he was saying, and my understanding of how it works, is that, you know, Buddhist meditation practices, Buddhist practices of mindfulness, Buddhist practices of loving kindness, you know, the development of loving kindness, all of these things are practices which can be used by anybody, regardless of whether he or she is a Buddhist, an atheist, you know, a Christian, a Jew, what have you. So all of these, you know, which is why you get so many Buddhist practices, or meditation practices, sort of translated into stress reduction

[15:52]

for people who are suffering from various forms of stress in their life. And so these work, you know, on that level. So everybody can practice that. But we will have a very different understanding of what we are doing if we take them out of context. So if we are practicing them in a specifically Buddhist context with a Buddhist understanding, we will understand them differently than if we were practicing them as stress reduction, or as part of a, you know, Christian-Buddhist retreat, or something like that. And I think that to use Buddhist practices in a different religious paradigm actually diminishes them. And leads to misunderstanding of what we are really doing.

[16:54]

So sometimes you will see, perhaps I have seen, you know, things about Jewish Buddhism, or Christian Zen, or such things as that. And, you know, what I want to say today, and this is the part where those of you who are sitting near the door may like to be at a quick retreat, I don't think it works. I don't think there is such a thing as Christian Zen or Jewish Buddhism. The basic understanding of reality between those traditions, I think, is quite different. And this, I think, is what Bhikkhu Bodhi is alluding to. For example, Buddhism, two of the central teachings of Buddhism is the absence of a God, a creator God, an overwhelming power who directs the universe, and interferes, or intervenes, excuse me, in human history and human life. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

[17:59]

And the existence of an immortal soul. So, you know, these are very central to Christian and Jewish belief. At least for 99.99999% of all Jewish and Christian history, you know, these have been essential to Jewish and Christian belief. I'm not going to talk about, you know, Islam or Hinduism or stuff, because I think that, you know, this is a Judeo-Christian culture by and large, so I'll just address what I'm most familiar with. Excuse me if anybody feels excluded in their religious practice, I don't mean to be. I just want to talk about what I know. So I think that if you look at a tradition which says, you know, there is no God and there is no soul, it's very hard to put it together with beliefs where, you know, the soul and the idea of God are integral. If you fiddle with it and try to make it fit,

[19:03]

you do a disservice, a serious disservice to both traditions. So it's kind of like pretending that everything is the same. You know, we're just saying it in different ways. And I think that if we're intellectually honest, if we practice rigorous honesty, we're going to find that that's actually not so. We're actually talking about quite different things. And, you know, Buddhism is pretty uncompromising in this, I think. You know, not only is there no creator God, but according to the teaching of emptiness, there's no sort of ontological ground of being. You know, sometimes we talk about Buddha-nature, which is another way of saying interconnectedness. Sometimes we talk about emptiness, which is another way of saying Buddha-nature or interconnectedness, right? But neither of these, none of these Buddha-nature, emptiness, interconnectedness should be understood as a thing, or as the ground of being,

[20:04]

or as something unchangeable and absolute. But rather, they're simply descriptions of the way things work, okay? So it's easy to want to concretize something like Buddha-nature and say, oh yeah, that's the same as God. Well, no, it's not. The other central doctrine of Buddhism, and this is where Buddhism, I think, is in its, we find it in its most radical understanding of the world, is the doctrine of anatman, or in Pali, anatta, no soul. Literally, no soul. So what that means is that there is nothing of us that does not change. There is nothing, no part, no tiniest little inkling of us that does not change. You know, normally I think that we tend to see, conditioned by our backgrounds, ourselves as comprising some nugget of essential meanness which experiences the world, right?

[21:07]

And is perhaps changed slightly on the outside, but in the inside remains somehow unitary, stationary, and unchanged. Buddhism's most radical insight is that this is not so. According to the Buddha, everything that we are changes. Body, mind, everything. And you know, you don't have to believe this. And you don't even have to believe it to practice it. What you can do is you can take it as an experimental hypothesis and see what it's like to practice as if it were true. So I always encourage people that I speak to to experiment with their practice, with their ideas, with what have you. It doesn't have to be true. It can be entertained as a possibility for a while and see where that gets us. You know, that's what Buddhism is basically. Buddhism is about experimenting with different points of view and seeing where they take us. Somewhere somebody wrote, and I wish I had written it down

[22:12]

because I would love to be able to quote the person and give him or her credit. But whoever it was said, Buddhism is a fairly accurate representation of reality. Fairly accurate. I like that. Not ultimate truth, not the way it must be, but a fairly accurate representation of reality. I think that's good enough for me. So this idea of no soul. You know, the Buddha talked about that. And what this means is that it sounds kind of awful like, oh, I don't have a soul anymore. Where did I put it? With the apple. But actually, you know, in a way it's tremendous freedom. Because what this means is that the teaching of anatta goes along with the teaching of karma. That things change according to cause and effect. And that our ability to have, to see things change means that there is some,

[23:13]

we have some input on how things change. On how our lives change. So we create our lives to some extent. You know, in the Dhammapada, which is a very ancient and wonderful Buddhist teaching, it begins by saying all that we are is the result of what we have thought. So, you know, if we have, if change is constant, if we're not stuck in who we are, and if change goes along according to cause and effect, it gives us tremendous freedom in our lives. So, to move on, it may seem odd to insist upon religious differences so close to 9-11. When we see how religious differences are so much a source of conflict and suffering in our world. Or perhaps it's not the religious differences themselves, but perhaps the religious differences are simply used as a convenient mask

[24:16]

for what lurks behind them. But I think it is important, pardon me, I think it is important to insist upon difference and to have respect for difference. Because, you know, I don't believe in God, but I'm very friendly to him. And I feel very protective of him. And I don't want to see his name be smirched by people who would claim to speak for him. You know, I think the idea of God, whether you believe it or not, is too important to allow somebody to speak for him. And I think surely for somebody to say, whether they be Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or what have you, that I know God's will, not only for myself, but for you and the rest of the world, surely must be a form of blasphemy. Because it makes God small enough to fit into our merely human terms. And surely that's got to be a blasphemy against God, whether you believe it or not. So, whatever we choose, whatever path we choose,

[25:25]

we must be faithful to it, I believe. It's like a marriage. We can't, I guess, we can continue to flirt for the rest of our lives. But if you want to have a real, true relationship, be it with another person or a practice or what have you, then we must commit. We must make commitment. And to choose a way of spiritual practice is to be carried by it, really. And to give ourselves to it. Because if we keep picking and choosing in cafeteria style, we're always operating on the base of self-will. And our practice then becomes something that is based on our personality, our whim, and our preference. And we don't grow in such situations beyond personality, whim, and preference. If it's like, well, I like this, kind of,

[26:28]

but I don't like that. Or, you know, I like Buddhism, but I don't like the sitting part, so I'll just take the part that makes sense to me. Or I like Christianity, but I don't like the part where you're supposed to take care of poor people, they're icky. Or I like Judaism, but I don't like all those prayers, or what have you. So if we pick and choose of what parts, and I'll take some of this and some of that, as Bhikkhu Bodhi said, we never truly give ourselves to a practice beyond ourselves. We remain mired in who we are. And giving ourselves, we remain, well, Suzuki Roshi talked about big mind and small mind. Small mind is where we stay within our preferences and in our personalities. Big mind is when we open to being changed. And maybe that's what religious practice is about, about giving ourselves over to being changed by the process of the spiritual life

[27:29]

without being able to either predict or control the outcome. That's pretty scary, right? We can't predict it, we can't control it, and we give ourselves to it nonetheless. That's pretty scary. So giving ourselves like this allows us to move through our mistakes and failures. And I like what Suzuki Roshi had to say about mistakes, because I find it very helpful to me personally. He said, When we reflect on what we are doing in our everyday life, we are always ashamed of ourselves. One of my students wrote to me saying, You sent me a calendar, and I'm trying to follow the good mottos which appear on each page. But the year has hardly begun, and already I have failed. Dogen Zenji said, Sho shaku, ju shaku.

[28:30]

Shaku generally means mistake or wrong. Jo shaku, ju shaku means to succeed wrong with wrong, or one continuous mistake. According to Dogen, one continuous mistake can also be Zen. A Zen master's life could be said to be so many years of sho shaku, ju shaku. This means so many years of one single-minded effort. You know, failing over and over again, making mistakes over and over again. And I've been at Zen Center for almost 30 years. And, you know, I have to think of myself as a Zen failure, because I look at my own practice and I see how I continue to fail day after day. And, you know, one of the things that is most painful for me in my practice is that we have something here at Zen Center,

[29:33]

well, in Zen generally, called sashin. Sashin means gathering the mind. Gathering the mind. Sashin is this thing we do several times a year, and it's usually either five or seven days. And it's meditation intensive. And intensive is the word. You know, we sit all day. And I have discovered that I can't do this. No matter how much I want to, no matter how much I try, I no longer am able to sit sashin. And I've tried many different ways of trying to do this. I've tried many different ways of addressing the problems that come up, you know, psychotherapy, medication, what have you. And zazen, of course. And none of these things allows me to sit sashin in a way that is not unremitting hell. And I've decided that for my own personal sanity,

[30:38]

it's something that I can no longer do. Now, this would be, you might say, well, that sounds like a reasonable kind of thing. You know, don't put yourself in hell for no reason. However, you know, one of the consequences of this, of course, is that I don't feel as though I am really a part of the community of practitioners here. I don't feel that I am doing what a priest does. And it also makes me ineligible to be an independent teacher. So this is a very deeply painful thing for me. And the reason I'm saying this is because I know that we each, all of us, have such a thing, or more than one thing like this in our lives. Some deep place of shame or guilt or sorrow or failure or something that we so much wish were not so. And it may be in our spiritual life. It may be in our family life. It may be with our careers. It may be, you know, it's like our health, what have you.

[31:43]

We all have these things. And so what helps with this? I'd like to read something else that Suzuki Roshi wrote, if I can find it. Ah, nope, yes, no. Almost. I should have numbered them. Sorry. Ah, yes. The Bodhisattva's way is called the single-minded way, or one railroad track thousands of miles long. The railroad track is always the same. If it were to become wider or narrower, it would be disastrous. Wherever you go, the railroad track is always the same. That is the Bodhisattva's way. So even if the sun were to rise from the West, the Bodhisattva has only one way. His way is in each moment to express his nature and his sincerity. So this is what we do when we choose a path and stay with it.

[32:47]

You know, this is what carries us through these deep disappointments, these deep failures, these deep sorrows. We're guided by the principle. And in Zen we say we're guided by the principle of the Bodhisattva vow. And the Bodhisattva vow is the vow to remain in this world of suffering where all of us have these deep wounds and to be with each other. And so because of that, you know, we don't get to judge our own success and failure. And we don't get to judge our own lives. So having said that, which all sounds rather grim, I would like to say that I think that as Bodhisattvas we have a responsibility to happiness. Because happiness is what attracts other people to us. You know, we are very rarely, I personally am very rarely attracted to people who are grim and dour and whose spiritual practice makes them look like

[33:50]

they're not having a very good time. You know, if your shoes look like they're too tight, I'm not going to follow your spiritual practice probably. So for those of us who feel that we have found something worth sharing in Buddhism, we have a responsibility to be happy. And, you know, when I say happy, you know, I'm not talking about getting what we want or having some version of ourselves confirmed. I'm talking about a different kind of happiness. And, you know, we can talk about that in different ways according to, you know, Buddhist teaching. But what I would like to suggest is one of the ways we can think about happiness in Buddhism is by the practice of the four Brahma-viharas. The Brahma-viharas are usually translated as the divine abodings. And these are four practices. The practice of loving-kindness, the practice of compassion, of sympathetic joy, and of equanimity.

[34:52]

So loving-kindness, of course, is feeling that feeling towards others, wanting them to have all good things and to feel good for them. And, you know, we have practices where we learn to do this. And compassion, with passion, with passion in the sense that we talk about the passion of Christ, the suffering. So we are with others in their suffering. And the reason we can be with others in their suffering is because we are with our own suffering. You know, we understand our own suffering thoroughly so we can see it in others. Compassion. Sympathetic joy. Sympathetic joy is when we share the joy that other people have in their lives. We rejoice in their good things. You know, this is rather difficult. You know, when somebody, you know, gets a good job, well, it's hard to rejoice for them. I mean, I can rejoice for when people get things

[35:53]

that I don't want personally, you know. I mean, if you get something that you really want and it doesn't matter to me, I can be really happy for you. But actually, I think mostly what this is talking about is spiritual joy. You know, when you see somebody, if you're working with somebody as a teacher and you see them begin to change in their life or you see people begin to get over some of the things that have been hurting them or the barriers between themselves and other people, you know, this is the true joy that we offer each other. This is where we see real joy. And equanimity, you know, equanimity is absolutely essential because without equanimity, we can be carried away by our emotions. Equanimity is being able to see things and let them go. See the happy things and let them go. See the sad things and let them go. See the deep distress of others. Do what I can and realize that I can't fix it

[36:55]

and let it go. And this is, you know, equanimity is not the same as apathy. Equanimity is feeling, seeing clearly, and letting go. Because if I'm too involved, I'm not able to be of service. It's like, you know, a doctor, you know, trying to operate on, you know, one of her family members. You know, you have to have some distance. And this has to be balanced, of course, by compassion, sympathetic joy, and loving kindness. So, you know, if we can be happy in these ways, you know, we are successes because we are vulnerable to others and in community with them. And it is our vulnerability to others, our sharing of our joy and our sorrow, rather than our stellar qualities, which draws others to us and creates intimacy. Sometimes we can admire people for being, you know, smart and successful

[37:56]

and, you know, good athletes or, you know, smart with their money or whatever. Sometimes we can admire people for that or resent them. But it's not what brings us close to each other. What brings us close to each other is when another person invites us in, lets down the barriers for a little bit and says, this is who I really am and I need you to be here with me or I'm available to be here with you. Okay? And this is when we begin to see ourselves as not separate, but as beings on a continuum of being. And, you know, this is, this is the success of the Bodhisattva. You know, regardless of what he or she has in her life, regardless of what it looks like, regardless of how he or she may judge his or her own life, it's the willingness to remain in the world of suffering with other beings and to do that with some happiness. You know?

[38:57]

I'm so happy to be here with you guys today. I really am. And it's not to say that everything in my life is going great. I still can't sit sashaying. But you know what? It's okay. So, as usual, I'd just like to say that if I've said anything today that is useful or helpful to you, please accept it as my gift. If I've said anything that confuses or distresses or irritates you, thank you for sitting so quietly and listening to it anyway. You've been very polite. And I think that's all for now. Thank you very much.

[39:40]

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