I vow to taste the truth of the Doctor's words. Good morning. It's the fall of the year and very close to the equinox coming up. And the fall for me is always new beginnings and new school year, and beginning of our practice year. And this is the same in other traditions as well, that the fall is the new year.

[01:08]

So there's an evening out of the light, and I think an evening out in our own energies. And some feeling of returning, coming back to our practice, coming back to studying the self. And it's a very quiet time of year here. In the mornings there's not too much activity on the pond. The frogs are quiet, and the crickets are quiet, and the birds are quiet. It's a very quiet time. So I'd like each of us to reflect on what we're doing here,

[02:13]

how it is we are sitting here today, what's it all about. Someone was recently telling me that, this is a relatively young person, late twenties, who was practicing at Zen Center, and they said that the people that are in that age group, and those peers, twenties and early thirties, they don't think that Zen is so cool anymore. It used to be really cool. And I know when I started practicing in my late teens and early twenties, there was nothing as far out and cool as practicing Zen.

[03:17]

Nothing came close. But this person was saying that's not the case anymore. It's a little bit like there's a lot of aging hippies at Zen Center, and they're a little bit musty and fusty. So where's the real life? Where's the real heartbeat, blood? And I suppose that's true. You come to Zen Center now and there's buildings that look like they've been standing for years, which they have, and are falling down too. And it all looks so established and so institutional, as if no one could have much agency in terms of changing or adding or detracting.

[04:18]

It's all kind of there. But I don't see it that way myself. I feel like it could all disappear tomorrow, and we'd all go our merry way. And that it's just us chickens. So if it's not so cool anymore, how is it, what is it that is going to make a difference for someone to practice or not to practice? So that's a question we can ponder. Now maybe it doesn't turn on coolness being cool or exotic.

[05:23]

I mean, hopefully that drops away anyway, even if that was the initial draw. But we have to get people in the room first. So I want to hear from people at some point. Not right now, but I want to know. So I've been thinking a lot about trust in the last several weeks and days, what trust means, and what entrustment means, and what being trustworthy means in terms of our practice and our life together, and just our life. So one definition of trust... By the way, trust comes from the word that means...

[06:27]

The root of the word has to do with woods and trees. It has a derivation from wood and trees, and firmness, solidity, and things that are made. Things made of wood have this, like, tray and trough, and trug. A trug is some kind of eating dish. And also truth. Trust and truth and troth. To plight one's troth is to pledge one's truth. And to be betrothed... Betrothed is to be willing to trust and entrust with another person. So the Zen teacher, Jan Chosan Bayes,

[07:29]

some of you may know her. She practices up in Portland or Seattle. Portland, I think. Anyway, she was at this Western Zen teacher's conference, and there was a pre-meeting of some of the Zen teachers, and we were talking about what Dharma transmission means, what entrustment means. Dharma transmission is a ceremony between a teacher and a disciple, after which the disciple has been empowered to go their merry way, or go their way, in a full... They have been fully ordained. It's one of the last ordinations. And once you receive Dharma transmission, you're entrusted to give the precepts, ordain others, and so forth.

[08:32]

So the conversation was about what is Dharma transmission, and how do you... What is the criteria? Who would you complete this ceremony with? How do you... Is there anything that we share that we could talk about among the teachers who have received Dharma transmission and will give Dharma transmission? And the conversation was... It was going around, different people saying different things. And then when Jan spoke, Chosan-san spoke, I... It was very, very clear. She had thought about it a long, long time, and so I thought I'd share this with you, because... it's not only for Dharma transmission, but it's how we trust each other and live together, I think. So she said that Dharma transmission,

[09:35]

entrusting the Dharma to another in this way, Dharma, the Dharma, the Buddha Dharma, is the most precious thing, the most important thing. So who you would do this ceremony with, this is not a light matter. And she likened it to how she feels about her own children. Equal to or second to the Dharma would be in importance for her, were her own children. So, in thinking about that, who would she entrust her children to? And she said she would have to choose someone who she would have confidence that she would know that in a difficult situation or a dire situation that this person would put the children before their own selfish concerns

[10:36]

and save her children. She would have to have some confidence that that would be how they would act, and that they would not revert back to self-centered action and the same with the Dharma. She would have to know that this person, when push comes to shove and in difficulty, would be relying, taking refuge in, flying back to Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha and not selfish, self-centered strategies. So how do you know? How do you know? How can you possibly know this about a person? And what she said, the only way you can know this is to live together in an intimate way,

[11:38]

to live day by day, to live your lives together, so that all sorts of opportunities for learning and understanding each other come up. If you just see and get to know people in one way, with one flavor, you don't know that person maybe so well. So this then pointed straight at residential practice. It went straight to, thus we need a thorough residential practice so that we get to know each other in all these different ways, in the good times and the bad, not just when we're feeling great and ready to talk about our practice, but all different times. That's how we really get to know each other. Or that's one way that this intimacy can grow, and that's not a guarantee. So we have these residential practice places,

[12:44]

and there's all the difficulties of living together this closely. For those of us who are in residential life, and for those of you who come for shorter amounts of time, for residential practice, or even for a one-day sitting of residential practice, we reveal ourselves to each other. We can't help it. And then we're able to see who we can trust, who is worthy of trust, who will not revert back to self-centered, selfish, putting that first. So another definition of trust is the firm, assured reliance on another's integrity. The firm, assured reliance on another's integrity.

[13:46]

And I think this is just another way of saying that. Now, it's not that mistakes can't happen, but the integrity comes from the word integer, which is whole. So integrity points to wholeness and completeness, and also harmonious whole, someone who's integrated all the various parts of themselves. And so our trust in them is based on this firm, assured reliance in a person's integrity. So our own are we worthy of trust? Are we worthy of trust? And this putting together of trust and integrity

[14:48]

is, I think, very, very important. When people have had traumatic experiences in their life or gone through trauma, and when I say trauma, I don't mean there's a wide, there's a continuum of trauma. Trauma means a wound, a wound. So we have wounds, breaking a leg, those kinds of wounds, wounds in combat, in war, and then there's also the emotional wounds and emotional shock to the system that's also called trauma. And trauma, the emotional trauma that we experience may not be one particular event, but may be an atmosphere or conditions that we grew up with over long periods of time

[15:50]

where we were hurt in a in a drawn-out, long way. So, I think we've all experienced trauma in different ways. And the healing from trauma seems to be connected with relationship and relationship with those who have integrity. Relationship with those that you can rely on, that you can trust will be acting from wholeness and completeness rather than an unexamined, self-centered action. And mistakes are made. So to entrust

[17:00]

means to commit into the care of someone else, to commit into the care. And Dharma Transmission or Entrustment or Lay Entrustment, which is another ceremony for those who are not priest-ordained, we are working on another ceremony called Lay Entrustment where the care of the Dharma is committed into someone else's hands. So while preparing for this talk last night, I realized as I was studying that I could, I had this feeling like I could sit and read the words of the Buddha and Dogen and enter the teaching in that way forever, that the great

[18:06]

wondrous Buddha Dharma, the endless, fathomless quality that is forever meeting me forever meeting me whatever happens I just felt that wash over me. So this was from reading, you know, the words of the Tathagata, the words of the Thus Come One and also feeling the limits, the limits of my abilities to convey that, to express it, to encourage people,

[19:14]

feeling the limits and also the unlimited quality. So the Buddha is said to have said that all human beings' blood is red and all the tears are salty. All human beings' blood is red and all human beings' tears are salty. So knowing that we are all human beings and we all share this suffering life together and not making the distinctions of the divisive distinctions of this one and that one and old and young and not letting those distinctions get in the way, how do you bring forth the Dharma? So we start,

[20:18]

you know, with sitting. We start with zazen and you know, in the Fukanza Zengi, the recommendations for sitting, universal recommendations for sitting, it says, the zazen I speak of is not learning meditation. It is the Dharma gate of repose and bliss. Now we come to a sitting today and the forms, you know, the myriad forms were asked to harmonize with the myriad forms of the zendo, how we walk in, how we take our seat and then when we sit, sitting upright with our back not too far forward, not too far back, not leaning to the right or the left, our chins pulled in so that the back of our head is the highest point. All these details, all these forms,

[21:20]

the myriad forms and yet one can't say that, you know, chin in equals zazen or arms freely away from the body but not too far and not too close but freely there, mudra against the body. You can't point to that and say, that's it, that's it, that's it. We don't, as Suzuki Roshi says, in our practice we don't emphasize anything. Now one might say, well we do emphasize, we emphasize, you know, walking like this and bowing like this and and that's maybe one way to look at it but in terms of everything being equal, not emphasizing anything, what I mean, I don't know what Suzuki Roshi means exactly but what I hope he means is we don't get caught

[22:22]

on one thing and making that the most important thing. Forgetting about all the other things that need our full attention. We just respond each moment to what is brought, what comes. That is the thus come one. The thus come one, the Tathagata, the thus come one, responds completely to whatever comes rather than looking around for what looks like the coolest, actually, the most exotic, the best, the one that looks where I'll look the best, where I'll look like I know something or any other emphasis. Our practice is not preferring, not preferring cool and not preferring not cool. It's just being with whatever is happening, whatever that is. And being with ourselves

[23:24]

completely, whatever is happening. So to say we don't emphasize anything, that means we give full attention to our Oriyoki practice, full attention to the taste of the food, the forms, our serving each other, the chanting, the bowing, the walking, the sitting, the lying down, the greeting, the laughing, the crying. The salty tears and the red blood. Each thing gets its due and nothing is over-emphasized. When we over-emphasize, I think actually our minds become agitated. To not emphasize anything is settled. But when I say

[24:25]

not emphasize anything, I'm not meaning everything is okay, man, and indifference. You know, the near enemy of equanimity, as I mentioned Wednesday night in the Dharma Talk, is indifference. So it's not indifference anything goes, it's complete attention to each thing, whatever it is. Another person, an animal, a plant, and over and over and over making this effort. There's effort there, there's indeed effort there. It's maybe less of an effort to emphasize one thing and forget about the rest. But I think we get off-balance, actually. So for our one-day sitting, yes, let's take very good care of your body and mind and your posture and breath

[25:26]

and thoughts and emotions and whatever else is coming. But let's not emphasize one or the other. Let's not push away emotions so that we can feel calm. We take care of emotions, even if it means we're upset. Let's not emphasize emotions and lose our own critical intelligence and critical judgments about what's next and what's appropriate. That's Buddhadharma too. So not emphasizing anything. And I think this is a very hard teaching, and I say that because I've been hearing from people who have been living at Green Gulch and I feel there's some difficulties around understanding how our work practice is practice

[26:27]

or how it's very clear about formal practice, zazen and service, or maybe it's not so clear about service. Zazen, I think, maybe that's that's about as clear as we can get. And maybe even for some people, I don't get it, you know, sitting down every day. Why do we have to? What's that all about? So, maybe there's no common denominator, but let's say zazen, service, certain formal things, we kind of get the hang of it. That's practice. But what about making beds and cooking and doing electrical work and planting and going to market and taking care of kids and washing dishes and all the other... We're not in the zendo that much during the day. Is that practice? Some people might say, I don't get it. I don't feel like work practice is practice. Formal practice. But what about informal practice? So, informal practice is done with informality. And we don't emphasize

[27:28]

one over the other. Now, someone might say, well, I wish we really did emphasize it. Because it's too hard and it's too confusing. It's too confusing when you're a new person to not have emphasis one way or the other. So maybe this is a very advanced practice. I think someone mentioned to me they thought Green Gulch was a very advanced practice. It's not entry level. Because we don't emphasize. We're trying not to. Because Green Gulch, we just emphasize Green Gulch life. And that has all sorts of different things. So in our own lives it's the same way. How can we stay true and upright? When we emphasize we end up falling forward or backward or to the right or the left. The Zazen posture doesn't emphasize. It just it's balanced, you know, back straight, ears in line. Nothing is emphasized.

[28:29]

And even when Suzuki Roshi says to push down firmly or maybe he doesn't say firmly, I think he says firmly in Zen My Beginner's Mind on your diaphragm to push it down that may be a little bit of an emphasis there that was made. So sometimes we do that provisionally we make an emphasis. So there's a wonderful story about the Tenzo a Tenzo that Dogen Zenji met when he was in China and some of you have heard this story but I retook another look at it. The Tenzo is the head cook and this Tenzo that he met came to the Japanese ship that was in anchor that was anchored and Dogen had to stay on the ship for a time

[29:32]

and this old 60-year-old not too old as I get into my 50s 60 doesn't seem too old anymore 60-year-old Tenzo came to the ship to buy mushrooms and Dogen was very interested in meeting this venerable teacher and he invited him to tea and spoke with him and he asked when he had left his monastery he had left right after the noon meal had been prepared he had left to come to the ship and it had been you know a good ways away and he had gotten there and he was choosing these mushrooms and he said in I had practiced for a long time and in my old age I have been given the opportunity to practice as the head cook at this temple the abbot asked me to be the head cook the Tenzo and so I there's a special ceremony tomorrow and I wanted to get mushrooms a special dish for the monks so I've come here to buy them

[30:32]

and Dogen said well couldn't you I'm so interested in talking with you couldn't you stay a little while and we'd have a meal together and it's so auspicious we've met each other here and he said no, no I must get right back and this surprised Dogen here's this older venerable monk why does he have to hurry back he said if I'm not back there the offering will not be good so he felt he personally needed to oversee this particular offering for the ceremony well Dogen was a little perturbed by that well couldn't surely there must be somebody else in the monastery who could take over your duties and get the meal out and this is when the Tenzo spoke in a very clear way to Dogen that really made him sit up and listen the Tenzo said I have taken this position

[31:34]

in my old age this is the fulfillment of many years of practice how can I delegate my responsibility to others besides I did not ask for permission to stay out so you know great care with the forms with the myriad forms of the monastic life not reverting back to well I've been around long enough and I'm pretty senior and if I want to stay out a little bit I think I'll go ahead and do that not reverting back to self-centered strategies of what you know what would be cozy to do stay out for a meal but very clear and very upright not leaning and then he said Dogen said Honorable Tenzo why don't you concentrate on Zazen practice and on the study of the ancient masters' words rather than troubling yourself by holding the position

[32:35]

of Tenzo and just working is there anything good about it? so Dogen asked why aren't you emphasizing Zazen at this time why don't you emphasize Zazen and and studying koans and the ancient teachings and the ancient words instead of holding the position of Tenzo and just working is there anything good about it? I don't get it you know and the Tenzo laughed a lot it said I think that really broke him up he laughed a lot and replied good man from a foreign country you do not yet understand practice or know the meaning of the words ancient or know the meaning of the words of ancient masters so good monk

[33:36]

from a foreign country he was from a foreign country very well schooled in Buddhism practiced a long time read you know the entire canon and so on and yet you do not yet understand practice so I feel the Tenzo was pointing out if you're going to emphasize this over that and that over this and picking and choosing you will never get to true understanding of Buddha Dharma or what the ancient teachers have been saying all along so Dogen hearing him respond this way I suddenly felt ashamed and surprised so I asked him what are words? what is practice? and the Tenzo said if you penetrate this question how can you fail to become a person of understanding? so

[34:36]

what are words? and what is practice? what are words? and what is practice? and that's for each one of us to turn maybe today what are words? and what is practice? and how come this Tenzo got such a big kick out of Dogen's saying what sounds pretty you know doesn't that sound you know pretty straightforward how come you're not concentrating on Sāsana and and studying more so this isn't to say don't get me wrong this is what happens with words you say you say words and then because words are the way they are they are always dualistic it's like I can almost hear but she's saying someone might be thinking well she's saying I don't have to

[35:37]

maybe I won't go to Sāsana so much I mean the requirements to a day here but you know I'm not going to concentrate I'm not going to emphasize anything that's this reverting back to self-centered strategies and not having Buddhadharma and Sangha being the core of one's life so as but as soon as one says words they can be misunderstood misinterpreted they sound like they're emphasizing one thing or another this is duality this is the pain of our life that we can't say anything we can't really say anything but we do say whatever we say so this is the myriad forms and

[36:37]

within the myriad forms one single body is revealed right there in duality right there in subject and object and self and other right there is one body revealed so how do we as Tenshin Roshi says crack duality how do we crack it open so we're not forever lost in the true and the false and the emphasizing the this and the that and you know the myriad forms of practice are given to us to crack duality to crack it open sitting you know the posture itself folded up like this you can't tell right from left right Suzuki Roshi says

[37:37]

right foot on top left foot right foot then left foot on top hands together where is right foot and left foot where is where is two not one not two is Buddha Dharma so Zazen bowing all these myriad practices of not emphasizing not emphasize as soon as we emphasize we fall into duality so I think we all may I speak for us all long we long to be complete to be whole to be integrated meaning worthy of trust and entrusted

[38:40]

to be so later on the Tenzo found when Dogen came off the ship and was at a monastery this Tenzo heard that he was there and went to look him up you know and Dogen was really happy to see this guy he was moved with joy and he served him tea and they talked and then Dogen brought it back to that discussion they'd been having on the ship the discussion of words and practice which had taken place and the Tenzo said to study words you must know the origin of words to endeavor in practice you must know the origin of practice Dogen asked what are words? the Tenzo said one, two, three, four, five and Dogen asked again what is practice? the Tenzo said nothing in the entire universe is hidden nothing in the entire universe

[39:52]

is hidden what is practice? nothing in the entire universe is hidden so if nothing is hidden then if we emphasize one thing over another we'll tend to hide some other things but just by giving it the emphasis or the preference or the this is good and that's not good how do we practice with each thing? because there's nothing hidden it's all Buddhadharma it's all for us to practice what looks like you know untrustworthiness what looks like betrayal what looks like those things that we usually feel could not possibly be practice there is nothing hidden everything everything is

[40:53]

a chance one more chance to practice so later Dogen found a poem by Xue Du and I'm not sure which Xue Du it is there's one that was Ru Jing's teacher or a teacher of Ru Jing so maybe it was that one it didn't say and let's see if I can recite this poem well I have to give myself a hint through one word or seven or three times five even if we thoroughly investigate the myriad forms

[41:54]

there's nothing to depend on night advances the moon glows and drops into the ocean the black dragon jewel that you've been searching for for so long is everywhere through one word or seven or three times five even thoroughly investigating the myriad forms there is nothing to depend on everything changes you can investigate and go after all the forms but they're always changing always you can't hold anything it's ungraspable night

[42:55]

advances night advances you know I think of night advances as our life goes on you know our death is right around the corner that's one way we can think of night advances or it also could be oneness or in the darkness where there is no discriminating this that me you he she just night the darkness the fullness of darkness night advances the moon glows and falls into the ocean the black dragon jewel you've been searching for for so long is everywhere there's a the image of the black dragon the dragon could be a green

[43:56]

dragon too that carries a jewel under the chin this jewel you hold the dragon holds the jewel under the chin and that jewel is supposed to be the buddhadharma so to get the buddhadharma to actually get the jewel you have to meet the dragon you have to wrestle with the dragon you have to cry with the dragon and fight with the dragon and swim with the dragon fly with the dragon plant with the dragon hoe cook that dragon cannot be you know overlooked and that jewel is right there and it's said that in monasteries Japanese monasteries there's a a carved wooden dragon that's struck before meals which is this dragon this form of this dragon is struck before meals

[44:56]

so the black dragon jewel that we're searching for is everywhere is everywhere as Dogon says it's under our own heel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz you know it's those heel clicks that's all she had to do it's right under her heel so here we are sitting today nothing is hidden the black dragon jewel is everywhere and please please let's not waste this fall day in I don't know how we would waste it I don't even know if it can be wasted but if we think we could waste it it probably could let's not even think about wasting it let's just plunk ourselves down

[46:01]

on our cushions all day long taking care of ourselves taking care of each other thank you very much may our attention

[46:20]

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