Find Out For Yourself

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the changes the to the to time to roots
good afternoon

little too hot to think today
i'll try

so i'm going to continue talking about
commenting on suzuki roshi
hell this particular
talk to recall them find out for yourself
so you can leave now
so he says
he resides in or in your life you will have many difficulties of problems when you have a problem see if you can find out for yourself why you have a problem
unless usually you will try to solve your difficulty in the best way as soon as possible
resident studying for yourself
you ask someone why you have a problem
that kind of approach may well maybe i worked well for your usual life but if you want to studies in it doesn't help
this a kind of a radical
approach i think
how often we go to someone to seek help
are we
you may find out try to find out
why we have some problems so we consult somebody
and that's usual
andrew we take it for granted that such a good idea and usually often it is mrs but and practice doesn't help it's not a good idea
so the rest of his talk his commentary on this opening statement
why is it so

the moment you are told something by someone and you think you understand you will stick to it
and you will lose the full function of your nature
when you seek something your true nature isn't phone activity as if you are feeling for your pillow in the dark
at searching for your pillow in the dark is a reference to a statement in a on
it's like reaching for your pillow at night then you are in short function because you don't know where your pillow is but you're groping for it
is groping for it is practice
no one can give you practice we have teachers we have
ah as schedule we have a formal a way of doing things
and these are all helpful
can give you some guidance
usually by example
but ah teacher
it is not someone who gives you something because the teacher can't give you anything
no-one can give you anything
in a true sense
so what you already have what you already need you already are who you already are no one can give you that
when we meet someone
it is possible that that meeting
stimulates you to to find yourself
leicester that the that the teacher's role maybe
is to stimulate you to ah throw you back on yourself
this is ray
ah role of the teacher
but a teacher can't give you something
nobody can give you something that you already have so if there's something that you have that you can lose it's not real
what purposes in practice and isn't just in practice is to find out what is real
such as a courier she's always talking about things as it is samsung's and
thanks is pearl and as it is a singular
so to see to realize to ah
multiplicity in oneness and then one nation multiplicity
to realize who you really are
people have such difficulty
a really understanding the cons if you study the books of cards
if you approach them from a realistic plan view
you can understand them at all
so the coins are always pointing to something which is a parent duality
and to stimulate you to realize your own essence of mind
and so even though we have zen practice and we all practice together and it looks like group practice is really not group practice
it's each person finding their own way
the other

the challenges when you seek for something your true nature isn't full activity is if you are feeling for your pillow in the dark if you i'm not a is is man is not in full function
he's acting in a limited sense when is seeking for the pillar without knowing where it is that your mind is open to everything
that's way you will have a more subtle the attitude toward everything and you will see things as it is
when we travel to an unfamiliar place
our mind is usually in for function
because you have to find the place to stay you have to find a place to eat the after
a try to understand the environment and so forth and you have to
do things on time and ah so the our our usual
ah was an understanding or expanded
i remembered figure as you turkey like the difference between
a line in the zoo and a lion and the jungle
the lion in the jungle is in full function

when do we become used to something
we take things for granted and pretty so we don't even see things we just kind of know where they are rarely feel secure
in our activity and with our surroundings
but our when we have a jolt
some kind then things come alive so one of the problems we have in practice when we practice somebody over and over again and we get used to read like
boeing everyday chanting the heart sutra every day i'm getting up in the morning sitting zazen everyday looks like repeating something over and over so if you feel that you're repeating the same thing over and over you've actually lost touch
because even though it looks like we're doing the same activity every day is totally different
it looks the same
when you do a nine bows
it looks like all those passing the same but each one is different and each activity is different exactly and it looks like when we sit on the cushion is just like weren't aware what we did last time we sent on a cushion but it's actually a totally different activity
sometimes people are going to as a shame in central seven days
and then the next time they go to this machine they think that the gonna them just like the last one
but they i love say well that was totally different
so i read if we see if we get into mode of
that this is just the same as last time then i'm practice get stale
and when i'm trying to skip stale we wonder what are we doing just repeating the same thing over and over him
so we have to be able to rejuvenate our practice moment by moment
so a secret a practice is to live on each moment as a no moment no matter what it is that we're doing
to make each moment come to life whether it's shaming the repeating the same as activity over and over are doing some other activity some guy activity

such as if you want to study something is better to know what to not to know what the answer is
because you are not satisfied with something you are told how did you mean be because you're not satisfying something that was taught to you that was a day you are taught
daddy taught is the right word here because you are not satisfied with something that you were tired and because you cannot rely on anything set up by someone else is talking about dissatisfied students coming to zen center
you know where they because yeah in in sixties there is somebody people coming because they were disillusioned with society and with the ah
the religious practice that they were brought up with
so because you are not satisfied your center you are told and because you cannot rely on something and shot by someone else anarchists you start belgium
we're not knowing how to study it
in this way you find out for yourself what we really mean by buddha nature practice or enlightenment so the he she thought of
design students in the sixties as
i ever the dozen students in the sixties as being a wonderful gateway to practice
by not knowing anything and simply plunging into practice and do we always appreciate news the lower students
sometimes new newest didn't say
oh i don't know anything and everybody else know some merchant there are can be intimidated by the older students in some way but actually the oldest one's always appreciate the practice of the new students the newest students who walk into this thing without knowing anything
and you can see their effort and in there
yeah you can tell exactly where their ads because they don't know anything and are open usually not always had some are open the open artists to end your degree or another
and totally naive
and are wonderful vessels for
learning the dharma
really say in order to study zen nor the practice and you have to give up all of your opinions
you have to you have all your opinions and your ideas about what practices
you have to you about your ideas about what enlightenment is
and totally
begin practice with an empty mind
that's the fastest way to add to which leads to understanding
matter of fact if you give up all your opinions ideas and attitudes enlightenment is right there and to begin with but you don't know it
and then the more we learn the less or enlightenment
shines forth
so ah this
to maintain beginner's mind all the way through practice is can we call right attitude
we think that sometimes we think that
ah the the rural practice and the more we learn the more ah ah mature we get
but actual maturity is in maintaining
not knowing mind
to maintain a beginner's mind throughout the practice is true understanding
when we practices in the and even began to practice is exactly the same as your last dozen
everybody does exactly the same practice it's not like the teacher sitting some form of doesn't which is advanced
good teacher is sitting beginners sm
people say whether you like still hurt
sometimes they do sometimes i don't doesn't make any difference
the differences
not holding some opinion about it
some holy some opinion about it means this is painful
that's an opinion
we know what it is that when you know what it is
you don't know what it is
when you know what it is you fall into ignorance
when you don't know what it is you have realization
so it's a little bit the opposite of our usual way of thinking

and so on
ah because you are not satisfied with something you've been taught and because you cannot rely on anything shut up by someone else you studied buddhism without knowing how to study it and in this way you find out for yourself what we really mean by buddha-nature or practice or enlightenment
since you seek freedom you try various wage of course you are sometimes find that you have wasted your time
it was almost to drink saki you may think the best way to attain enlightenment is to drink zaki
but even though you drink a lot of saki as he does you will not attained enlightenment
they may look like you've wasted your time but that attitude is important
if you continue to try to find out in that way you will gain more power to understand things whatever you do you will not waste your time so is saying even though your teacher may drugs ah in
people won't help you but the attitude of making the effort to follow your teacher's instruction or to follow
to investigate
to investigate on your own
is what's valuable and important
so each one of us is really
ha ha
during her own practice with her own motivation if you're only following instructions
ah well
stimulating your own motivation that's only half hearted
so we say some there are
ah you say we visited drive the wave and follow the wave
following a wave is being carried along by the way
and driving away is actually motivated things
so if we're only carried by the wave for only carried by the practice
as passive
if we're only driving a wave that active
so we should be driving and following at the same time
so the secret of practice is to follow and i drive the practice at the same time
so that you are actually creating the practice
sometimes we take well here's this thing going on and they're doing it and i'm joining it
but that's only partially true as soon as you joined the practice you should also be driving the practice
we're creating the practice not just joining and something that's already there

here we also is a
metaphor of a train
the box cars are told by the engine
so and the engine is pulling the boxcars and if you're just a boxcar being pulled along
you will never get of realization so you also need to be an engine
you need to find your motivation and through your motivation you will find your understanding
by creating the practice

so when you do something another limited idea or with some definite purpose you will gain what you what you again is something concrete that's usual we do something that we have a purpose and we gained something that's casual
this sort of but he says this will cover up your inner nature
so it's not a matter of what you study but a matter of seeing things as it is an accepting things as it is so that's why we say we don't practice to gain something we don't have a goal in mind
the purpose of practice is to
the present
on each moment
so that's why i keep saying people that keep asking questions about for what i do in this situation and what'll i do in that situation
and the answer is to come back to your center and then when you come back to it when you find yourself centered
and come back to zero then you will have the opportunity to do something
which is not simply dualistic
so all of our activity if you really practicing all your activity comes out of this empty space is empty place
ten you always relating to this empty place called your center
this is true creativity

mister angier says take this step into the center of the circle of light where it take to step into the center of the circle where light issues forth
this is where we should always be standing
in the center of the circle where light issues forth
then you can dealing with anything that comes along
if you try to figure things out
in any other way you create he had just have problems

so he says are you may study something only if you like it if you don't like it you ignore it and i must say i do too
this is that is a selfish way and it also limits your power of study good and bad smell or big we studied to discover the true reason why something is so big and why something is so small why something is so good and why something is not so good if you try to discover only something good you will miss
something and you will always be limiting your your faculties when you live in a limited world you cannot accept things as it is and what he's trying to say here is not to discriminate when you study study what is presented and not discriminated discriminate whether you like it or don't like it where there's good are like are not second know
generally people good people
ah study something that's good
but here we just study something
in our practice we just study something to understand it
we don't try to make something just good
cause good and bad go together
we ah non dualistic understanding is beyond what is good and what is bad
which doesn't mean that we ignore what's good boy also don't ignore what's bad
so the to be able to face everything and and try to understand whatever is in front of us
without picking and choosing what we like
so even if a zen master has just two or three students he would never tell them my way in detail
the only way to study with him as to eat with him to talk with him to do everything with him
you help him without being told how to help him mostly or her mostly you will not seem to be very human not seem to be very happy and he will always be scalding you
without any apparent reason
because they cannot figure out the region you will not be happy and and so he will not be so happy you can't really run to study with him is study how to please him how to make your life with him happy happy one that's kind of cute
the to teach it does you a disservice by telling you the answer
so sometimes the person will come to the teacher
and the teacher will not give the answer but simply give the student a bigger problem
when the student will go to someone else because they say well he's not very good because he didn't answer my question
huh that's kind of problem that's the problem with having more than one teach around
so it so still be there are there
the teacher
if you have if you get a big problem from the teacher gives very lucky
very lucky a lot of teachers too sympathetic with the students and will give them a good problem
when i was studying with suzuki roshi i would have a problems and so i bring
my problem to him and we'd sit down i tell him when it was and then he would give me something else you'd put in he would not
as try to solve my problem he would give me it something and then he'd laugh
they say i'm sorry you came to me for the problem and i just gave you a bigger problem i'm so sorry and then we both laugh
so then i go away i never presume my questioning i just received the problem
and go away and deal with that for a long time as my nikon on so every time dr suzuki roshi you will give me a call on but it wasn't the kind that you're in a book
he was a on of my life
nicole on it directly affected my own life and come came from my own life
so how we deal with something a problem is a little different than how we deal with a problem usually
and often begin to explanations and cell phone
but in the end it's like
okay that's it
code deal with is
i remember feeling so grateful to suzuki roshi for not you
can not be answered
and making me work
to find out for myself
so even when suzuki while she died i didn't go to look for another teacher because i was still dealing with the koran that he gave me and i'm still dealing with a guidelines they gave me so or even know as they say and you can't have a dead touch of is your teacher
i don't think my teachers dead
ha because his cards are very much alive in me
i still consider
that's that's the life of my teacher so
and when you come to touch a horror
i remember in this heat and he was rather sick
and he had and nineteen seventy seven nineteen summer nineteen seventy it was very much like this this kind of heat and he was and he died nineteen seventy one so
i would walk around with him i was just tissue is attendant and i would walk around with him with a wet washcloth put it on his head
and i just did that on my own head
i would have done an injured better like funny
you know he was just we were making rock walls over there by the founders hall which that was not found his at that time because the finer was still alive
can we make an now
a wonderful what rockwell which you you can't see so well because of other news but huge stones and in those days we did a lot of stonework
cause this is the place of stones
tripod and we collect we had a a
ah a current top of a car
which was cut off from the car and turned it upside down made it into a sled and then we had an old dodge power wagon which had a winch on it and we'd which stepping-stones up with a pop crew dragon with a winch them onto the
the car top to sled
with power wagon and a drag and don't see what you wanted to put him in can we build lots of walls and lots of pathways and all kinds of step with those rock that was the most fun that i've ever had here
i think
and and he would work with a big story broke with those big stones and he was just this little guy
mr when ninety pounds or something
and he wasn't well and his wife would come why he buys eight don't make him work and when she liked by his staff working
and then she'd walked by and it's okay the scope
but yeah
you know
the reason why it was so one reason i was so wonderful because
ah we were doing something moment by moment not knowing what was next
and just working it out working it out
so that yeah
very wonderful creative activity and i learned more from him at that time then
any other time
so this is just living with you eating review working with you
that was enough that was how many communicated in the best way
and his teaching

trump says you may say that this way of practice is very old fashioned
it may be sure but i think you had this kind of life and western civilization to although not exactly as we did in japan
i think he's talking about a kind of apprenticeship because the old way of study was apprenticeship where where teach her students would work with the master when you were a kid you'd be apprenticed to
a shoemaker or be apprentice to whatever and then you grew up serving your teacher and then pretty soon taking the teachers price
and this is
very traditional way
a practice per cent practice very traditional way you
he grew up serving the teacher and working with a teacher and living with the teacher and then at some point you take the teachers place hopefully
if your understanding is good
history shows that the reason why people had a difficult time with their teachers is that there is no particular way for us to study
this is the problem was sort of then there's no particular way for us to started even know we have this very formal practice and the reason why we have this very from a practice that because there's no particular way to study so the formality of the practice holds things together hold this is ungraspable
practice together without it it's just when when why do so it gives me where to go in a way to practice there's nothing sacred about it
except that when you treat the practice wholeheartedly whatever you do is a sacred act
sacred isn't limited to church
the way you treat plants that were you a wash the dishes that we you sweep the floor
the way you scrub the toilet
how this is sacred activity
and right there is practice
so yeah the reason why people had a difficult time with their teachers is there's no particular way for us to study each one of us is different from the other so each one of us must have our own way and according to the situation we should change our way he cannot stick to anything the only thing to do is to disk
cover the appropriate way to act under new circumstances this dude i was talking about yesterday when i was talking about the precepts
looks like precepts our rules of behavior
but precepts are a guideline to orient you
to figure out how to act on each situation
just like
ah the formality of the zendo is a way to help you to focus on practice
precess our way to help you orient your mind toward behavior but they did the precepts don't tell you how to behave
precepts are you have to be the precepts to life on each moment on each occasion yeah you have to find the appropriate way to act on each moment so it's really up to you you are creating the presets
he's not the other way around but it looks like the precepts are like golden chains or something
not so
the precepts are to free you
i'm giving away too
orient yourself
they're not
to be followed literally on every occasion because every occasion calls for something different

so the only thing to do is to discover the appropriate way to act under new circumstances
so you have to take responsibility between have access to take responsibility for our own actions
ah but it looks like breaking the precepts is actually keeping the precepts
as an example
i'm here for
if someone's looking for
somebody and you don't think that there's cause to find him
i knew there and you're protecting their person and someone knocks on your door and says is that song so inside you have to lie which is and say no which is keeping the precept
the real precept
so it's not just black and white
you have to know what to do what we have to figure out what is the best thing to do on each occasion
and if you only following process by road he makes a big blunders
hello sometimes it's good to follow the precepts by road
that's also can be okay but we shouldn't be caught by that
for instance than the moon and we clean so he's totally changing the subject a little bit but the morning and i clean we don't have enough or eggs or brooms so it's almost impossible to participate in our cleaning
under these circumstances it it's still possible to figure out something to do i don't scold you very much but if i were strict zen master i would be very angry with you because you give up quite easily oh no there's not much cleaning equipment so there's nothing for me to do
so you just stand around weather but he's doing the cleaning and you are you are prone to think this way and easily give up in such a case please try hard to figure out how to practice if you're ever very sleepy you may think it's better to rest yes sometimes it is better but at the same time maybe a good chance to practice
when i was at a hoochie ages or if you don't know if one of the to head monasteries and the sodo school in japan
when knowledge that a huge and interesting my teacher he did not tell us anything but whenever we made a mistake he scolded us this is very typical
you know sometimes didn't say
you only tell you only say something when were bad if you don't princess on my good
and i think that there's something cadet
theresa you know
well as long as things are going okay he can feel that and spoken praise
oh he didn't he didn't say anything to me as it's going to
so when i was at age and assisting and a teacher who didn't tell us anything but whenever we made a mistake he scolded us the usual way to open a sliding door to open certain doors is to push the one on the right but when i opened it that way i was scolded don't open that way
so the next morning i opened the other side and got scolded again i didn't know what to do
later i found out that the day i opened the right side his guest was under right side so i should have opened the other side before opening a door i should have been careful to find out which side is guest was on the day i was appointed to serve him i gave him a cup of tea usually you feel eighty percent of the cup
she said as a rule i feel eighty percent or seventy percent and i said give me hot tea throw a about very very strong tea so the next morning whenever some yes i feel all the cups with hotstar strong tea and was ninety percent and serve them i was scolded actually there is no rule
he himself like very hot bitter tea filled to the brim but almost all the guests didn't like hot bitter tea for him i should serve better hot tea and for the gifts i should turn searching usual way
so we think that there are rules
if reduce we should do seem or something a certain way but actually
can we just happened to do things a certain way we should understand how things are done a wider than even though sometimes the teachers are just do things this way and we just do it that way whether they're right or wrong
ah this was suzuki roshi is where he didn't say very much
he didn't say that i remember him one time i was shocked because usually in the zendo
the kid everybody walks down the lanes the traffic lanes and you don't step out of the traffic lanes but it's so koji there was a large metal section and from the outer that one day i just i'm walk across
just walk across all the lanes and i was just such as i said
the i don't know what i thought that it was just like all i see
or not you know it is not sacred territory
we just do things at a certain way and then when we do things in a different way everybody gets shocked
and then when i was his attendant november i try me to his cabin and one time we just take off his robin let it fall the floor and walk off
and i wondered why is he doing that
and then later i realized what you want me to pick it up of course and do something with


so he never told us anything when i got up twenty minutes earlier than the wake up pill i was scolded don't get up so early you will disturb my sleep usually if i gotta bring
put yourself
then give up everything
i should enter but i'll continue
whatever happens when you think it's good or bad study closely and see what you find out this is the fundamental attitude sometimes you do things without much reason like a child who draws pictures that are they are good or bad as that is difficult for you you're not actually ready to practice idea
this is what it means to surrender you know you have nothing to surrender without losing yourself by sticking to a particular rural or understanding keep finding yourself moment after moment finding yourself actually moment by moment this is the only thing for you to do
some maybe i'm also talking about it we appreciate students who are a little bit mischievous
because a student will show themselves and you get some julie with that person and you can it makes it much easier to deal with the person so sometimes we think well we started very good at you know and and not expose ourselves but when you expose yourself
when you show you
bad side or
oh you're southern side or your difficult side that's very helpful
so we don't say should at real good i never think of students as being good or bad
sometimes a son was a you think i'm bad
i never think of and student is good or bad i just think of them as how they are
we found a good and bad day we create a big problem we're just the way we are and using those kinds of terms and i just shuts down our openness
so when we have when and problems and reveal than weekend there's a way to go
i don't want you also be bad
i'm moving soon
launch other than leaves but
but this is the
i have always appreciate difficult students
i always appreciate different costumes
because it gives me something to work with
might have responded coin rascal
this is not in question
this discussion is a precepts and i think example
protecting somebody
because the outcomes would be worse not smoke
and on that
the game they ever going to rob somebody
maybe that would be right that's what so it's all depends on circumstances and the and the situation
and what more lot of course yeah course to discern what the moment when everyone's vote division is next question the takes up the difference between assertion well interest the ashes
so maybe not
at all
i'm not taking an action is also an action
so what is appropriate action in every situation sometimes the appropriate action is to assert yourself and sometimes the appropriate action is to restrain yourself
to listen to forms of action
is i am
to not do something is also an action in the sense of and because not doing is also a form of doing
not speaking up sometimes
yeah is a form of speaking up saying something by not saying something you're saying something
and maybe in a bigger way than if you said something
okay of several the
is understanding that draws his
yeah well you know originally everything is one piece
and then we divide this one piece by discrimination in to subject and object
and two polarities but originally the all polarities belong to each other
love and hate belong to each other
the two sides a clarity but and in essence
they share the same essence
the hate
creates love love create eight take they actually create each other so
when we
i get caught by one side or another than we fall into duality and then we can't see clearly the essence of things
can't see that the subject is a subject for the object and the object is an object for the subject what they can exist separately
so they we we live in a dualistic world
the this this craze are activity
discrimination creates her activity non discrimination
and divides and that unifies nine discrimination unified discrimination polarizes or
now divides so non duality is the not discriminated
aspect of duality
that makes sense
so is this the we live in a domestic world yes
the apprehensive and create the door the we create our mind creates agility and i'll talk about that tomorrow
that's the subject for tomorrow
do in one lesson duality the duality of oneness and the oneness of duality