Dining Room Lecture

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i got that
i like destroyed by showing you a breathing technique needs used in some schools have them
needless to say you start in size and pasta
he likes in your spine

sadly your seat

this is enlightening in one xl
how would you do is we breathe in and then you breathe i'd like you breathe i like this will open your mice
and then you breathe i very slowly she just let the or go as slowly as possible


in in the lords and practice is theory that are actually many as in
buddhist meditation there's there's many breathing techniques
and you know as practitioners know
huh we ask ourselves where what's the point
why what's the point of all these techniques
what was supposed to happen once supposed to not happen
what are we doing here
subsidiary very helpful know every day come back to something very basic
this is a practice don't
don't forget something don't get
to settled down

jets there's another part of our practice which is
saddle completely into the moment
hi i'd like to discuss it in these terms
the relationship between the great matter of birth and death
and the struggle for survival
and i like a cross reference
had tried and true then com
here the new the one where the month caps the coffin it says alive or dead and many people know that
okay well the rest you're gonna hear it pretty soon
kind of a classic
zen com

because like this
how will in turn young went to a heist to make a condolence call
young kid the coffin and said
alive or dead who said i won't say alive i won't say that
young said why would you say
who said i won't say
halfway back
as they were returning young said count me right away teacher if you don't tell me permit you who said you can hit me when i won't say
yeah hit him about
risky business
hey spared to please your students and
he'll come back then so let me see that a few comments a few other references and they will read that again and see what comes out for you you can't think right now what comes out feel with part of our lives sort of home
your mind
if anything i know it's late
that's why i felt we doing this new dining room so you get all comment and now lists
me a little bit more he easy to stay awake
towards the end of a palm that david wrote white rug
he's talking about getting in touch with than that which is in as the nose
in contrast to that capacity we all have to forget what we know
that way of getting distracted
i've been too busy too preoccupied
he's talking about settling back settling dime
returning into something that knows
this is the bright home for i lived this place of known
this is where i asked my friends to come
this is where i want to love all the things that it's taken me so long to learn to love
here's the punchline
this is the tempo of my adult aloneness
i belonged to the long as i belonged to life
there is no house like the house of belonging
to alumnus and belonging
he hears a similar comment
from the native american teacher
he doesn't interest me were or why or with whom you've studied
i want to know what sustained you from the inside when everything else phones away
i want to know if you can be along with yourself if you truly like the company you keep he knows empty moments

why is it that we come here to practice awareness and then sometimes it seems like
we do everything but
one interjects itself would urgency comes out
what's so compelling
let this house of belonging
this place of settled miss
where we can settle in and then
self criticism
that nagging sense of not okay miss
and it's hard to get a sense of this isn't quite it this isn't quite enough
he's just seen for itself is just seen as another part of the play of mind and feelings
another part of the struggle for survival
the way in which we take desire
the proud of this isn't it this isn't quite enough
he did somehow or quest for awakening
because slight shift
in the grasping
instead of moving
in the complete presence
just this
is enough
just this is completely itself
the just this
is the house of a doubt aloneness
and there is no house
other than this house and this house includes everyone and everything

so i need a slight shift
to this isn't quite enough and from this isn't quite enough
we reach out to watch
what might make it enough what might fill it up what might make it satisfied

in a way that desire
it comes need
i have to have
i have to get a ride to mind around the country
i have figured out of here
and then i have to have becomes
tinged with a fear or maybe i won't get it maybe i won't interrupt de monterrey maybe i won't be okay
maybe i won't survive

that fear
can turn again
who or what is blocking my survival who were what is blocking my happiness
i fulfillment
surely such a person or such a thing deserves or hostility
chris such an egregious crime

so we push against and we hold back from
when we come on some kind of separation
and we wonder am i gonna be okay
am i ever gonna get what i want what i need

who doesn't
whenever technique we use
whatever process
whatever pasture we sit in
he's a by settling
in you know
it's about opening up the doors and windows
it's about free passage in and doug
have the house of belonging
he's a boat during witness
to his stories to the aggressions
to the fears behind the aggressions
the needs to find a series
did the yearning by the needs
willingness to just stay here
hudson's it
just stay here

start to see that the stories of survival
ingenious as they are
they're not
the real issue
the real issue is a great matter of birth and death
so that's to set the stage for this car between
not listen to this coin
see what phrase what image one sentence what response
hatch's your imagination
what part of this resonates with your lunch
he i've said many times the point of a coin is normally we have our mindset we have our stories rambling through us
who we are what our life is
but were afraid of what we hate for we love
what do then is what sand isn't
and of course even more wonderful ingenious stories about other people
cash on the best of their fault
we all know that
they're doing this to us
so setting all that aside
and hearing this but you've never heard it before
part of it
and resonates
how will you and young
went to a house to make a condolence call where someone had died
young did the coffin and said
dead or alive
what's you getting it at or alive
who said i won't sit alive
i won't say dead
he be is and teacher isn't he supposed to be able to come in and that sorta stuff
young said well why we to say
history doesn't give up for easements
i won't say halfway back
as they were returning
students said again tell me right away teacher and if you don't tell me i'll get you

some getting to the bottom of things
goes beyond niceties
no he goes beyond just being good
who said he will hit me
what i won't say
when we follow the truth when we stay
the consequences i with than pleasant
just hours sometimes
so he hid true to his word
sometimes we are
he follows something to the finish
how can you really screw up when you follow something to the finish and you really screw up then it's like you have no choice but to take responsibility now
sometimes we can not hesitate to hedge our bets
ha maybe i won't hear him
think i'll just sell hidden within i want
he's doing
you're gonna get it wrong really get it wrong
come due to do now
when you get so high you know he replied and if you said it wrong make a loud mistake for everybody to hear yeah
then evoke any question did you have the right on at the right time know i really didn't
golly i really got over i'm completely wrong
how will change and went to a house to make condolence cause young did the coffin
alive or dead i won't say alive i won't say dead why don't you say i won't say every bag
tell me right now
if you don't tell me i'll hit you
you can hit me i won't say he him
so there you go a same sense story
what sticks in your mind
out of all that
says something about you being here
in this valley near los padres forest
hello but after the summer solstice
home business of a fucking waste of time
isn't what
all of this why
you're sipping water
what i'm thirsty
wanna watch you sip water
is there something am
beyond wanting and not wanting
i don't know
does that not note
open up or close down the moment
he gets scary

them life

for you

thank you
please try when i will that question and live again
it's a sense of urgency
then what you do with it once how does it do with you like it scares me on your day
what after
yeah completely
the alive
was the second fact maximum i don't care what does it mean to be alive
what you find out so far

he finally
the game
sephora i handed

sometimes sometimes seems like there's something of a bigger
sometimes it's it feels like
who we have to learn to tolerate i'm want to hurt

to said can we
in we tolerate staying close
can we start to
make contact
to stay here and feel what's going on
way so i want more than anything

what he says shoe some
tiny graphics
when christine
am i right


what is this experience that's called my right armpit
does it on you're the owner

how does not only
does bring the world life for the
to life
call it a line i found it alive
fancy pants here says i won't say
cause to be and memorial service for as a relentless journalist
something about accuracy
make a condolence calls a
the how i see there's sometimes when you should practice and then sometimes when you shouldn't
i say
relax and of a big deal

who think he was joking
which one of them and eleven
oh he mistook okay for sure
you know
the question
i see
i say he thought he was to something yeah
so just kidding arrived
that's pretty obvious her
havana guy's dead that's why we're here
have been rumors were spread out
why did sometimes you know
sometimes we address the obvious
just watched the world crack open
no some to sometimes we just
we addressed the obvious and then a big
the house of cards of all the assumptions that we've made about what's important about life about what has to happen
about what's good and what's bad

crack something
yeah maybe sometimes would come at it in jest
don't quite realize what we're getting into

something to believe in standing there like
read the past
my name

he's not given them something on a platter because it became something on a platter
then his inquiry would stop
which sing yeah
then he'd say okay now i got it

c n bike there yeah
here's a question that burning alleged decided him a very tidy species years a five he of him about
life and death disaster
this feature about fashion
i'm alive or dead experience decided to smacking lot of coffee somebody guess is coffee
blackened death who very online
he was like monkeys so outside you can't be as that friends
the second
who is outside
well then what use is a teacher
i don't say

a study
anyone else

this dichotomy same
he catches my attention
because you asking myself because i am i sleeping in my life
what else should you get
flooding from one
what is it to know the difference between in doing zazen
in a way that
in contrast to a way that
just a question enliven what is a question daddy
what he said
i'm sleeping i know now it has to purchase deficits
how are you doing zazen
let it create sad consequence
maybe that's something to explore
the nature of effigy in the activity of says
the confidential

to the question
let's hope it helps us
stay alive waking up

you almost put your hand up soon
and check it talk to someone else videotape

he sits on facebook buddha moonphase put up okay
i was just leave

instead of us from high
hi to santa monica
the separate code will go into battle until
you're already dead

who are already dead so what so we stop trying to live shall we stopped caring

back in
use it
what's most important about this precious temporary human life
the next one

he don't learn how to be present for this
will we be present for that


so as the shoe so says you know the monks relentless wherever he is
that's where he's gonna practice
okay here i am

what what is the nature of that kind of effort
is it obsession
is it adventure
he said some way where we take grown karmic tendencies and
assert them on practice
how do we like the practice aluminate them in skillfully work with
here we all tend either leaned too far forward are holding back
how can we work with it's skillfully can enable our practice rather than just the
a constant source of self criticism elder i go again pushing too hard holding back too much
yeah this guy's pretty unrelated
swimming if if the teacher is willing to put it all like there
willing to
try to remind us know
every day's a day to practice every situation every occurrence
so do you say to
nothing the
teacher not been learning to be pushed around
proposals for this or that food
as a half a day
the back
he says realized
creating school
creative space between this and that
local ones like

you're welcome thank you for answering
the creative space between this and that between good and bad between right and wrong

how do we combine and dedicated effort
with a kind of mind
that isn't fixated
it's not drive into this are driving to bag
is that the mind the attitude has some mobility to it
it's like it's not taking itself too seriously
curiosity has a kind of lightness to it
if you think about it you're coming here and being a student
it it's kind of magnificent
and it's a little bizarre
the first time i came here became from almost
when a matter of days from deep forest in thailand and then within a matter of days i visit tassajara
and it was the fourth of july
home and
and on was in this strict monastery we never speak in intersect in in that monastery
he had to have the teacher's permission to have a cup of tea
and usually you didn't have t like every
third or fourth day the future would say okay we'll have a cup of today
and we'd have tea
then i came here
when i came in
when jean desmet many of you know
he was working on the cabins the courtyard kevin's
i can work in and and he was wearing a blue streak
and i just started american dharma practitioners
and then does caffeine and then done by the swimming pool and they started to play rock and roll and drink beer
and i thought
american dharma practice
i thought people here seem amazingly sincere
we can really into the dharma
he's very touched
and i just couldn't for the life of me figure out oliver practicing
because i have this fixed idea in my mind
how do we keep that kind of
if you watch each other if we watch herself you know it's
kind of amazing machine to do you know what we get up to
in the guise of zen practice and
like you developed your own little habits you know
just watch it it's amazing
he's a really
the effective process of your own survival
he's a turning the dharma wheel of the great matter of birth and death
have i would say this
him full of adult aloneness or david wright's words
for this indian elder named named mountain dreamer month and dreamer says he doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you've studied
suzuki roshi said my practice is more basically them
he doesn't interest me where or walk or with whom you study i want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away
what is it to sit
that isn't
to stay present not contingent upon
some acceptable state of mind
acceptable sadness
some acceptable physical comfort
what is it to subsidizing
with five
a series
conditions for is an unconditional was
what is your response that goes beyond birth and death
what sets aside the strategies of survival
whom he said that's where we said with
what we stand up that's what we stand up with
can we settled down here can we can be said avoid
what something hoping okay this is it
this is what i am
this awesome
sometimes just totally falls away and is replaced by heart filled generosity
this embarrassing pettiness
with sometimes is to stop day
by the pitch black sky
realizing we're looking at
fifteen billion light years
what what is that state of being that makes us susceptible and available
for this will be
what is it the cracks open our usual mindsets our usual preoccupations i'm so tired this morning i'm not sure if i want to go desertion maybe i need to sleep in because i have to work on day
what is to see that
for itself
then take it and wrestle with good and bad
hold on a good zen student i'll get up
he got an agenda of
what i need to take care of myself out sleeping
which is the right thing they do ha
the for overtime
i brought back into the world of conditioned existence
okay i did to my disha we we discussed it in advance
her strategy was a or nine twenty
it's nine thirty five
how read more of this poem by this indian might in dreamer
would say i the coin you didn't get enough an
has forgotten about and i
how can the answer it form look who's gonna do guys in for you who's gonna stay in the middle of your life he could tell you how to do that he's gonna say
here are the right conditions for unconditioned existence
the teacher was nobody's fault and why he wasn't it's gonna get suckered into that
besides you know
this guy is really entered
he's working on it
the news on a run
he doesn't interest me what to do for living it doesn't interest me how old you are it doesn't interest me what planets are squirting in your mood
it doesn't interest me where you live or how much money you have
who are and how you come to be here
i want to know if you can get up in the night after grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done
i want to know if you can stand in the center with me and nine shrink back
i want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand on the edge of the lake and showed i to the silver of the full moon yes
i want to know when you wake for which you dare to dream
i want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
i want to know if you've touched the center of your sorrow
if you've been opened by lice betrayals or have becomes shriveled and closed from fear of further pain
i want to know if you can sit with think yours and mine
without moving to hide a fake the fix
i want to know if you can be with joy years in mind if you can dance with wildness
i'm an ecstasy feel you to tips of your fingers and toes be realistic remember the limitations of being human
he doesn't interest me if this story you're telling is true
i want to know if you can be disappointed and stay true to yourself
if you can go the accusation of betrayal and not betray yourself i want to know if you can be faithful and trustworthy i want to know if you can see beauty
so paying nothing to write
to get all that happen
are you alive or dead