I'm just stalling for a minute to see how many more people are coming. I was just saying that Judith, who was carrying the incense, I asked her how long ago it seems since the last time we did this, it was about six days, with Brother David Stangelrest, and her sentiments sort of, her comments mirrored my own experience, it seemed like a long time ago and it seemed like a few minutes ago. It's like the intense experiences of our lives, they seem close at hand and then in another way sometimes they seem from a different era. So one of the things I'm doing here this week is teaching a workshop called Being Fully

[01:09]

Alive. You can come in and sit down if you like. If you want to come up here and sit, you're welcome. I'm here teaching a workshop called Being Fully Alive, which is, to my mind, one of those peculiar notions. In one way we all know what that means, although we all maybe have our own definition of it. And then if any one of us thinks about it, it starts to unfold. Part of it seems pretty obvious and part of it seems ephemeral, mysterious. It's in practices like this, it is just a way to state the obvious.

[02:15]

You come up here and sit down if you wish, or be alive, which is, if you think about it, we already are. So I'd like to state the obvious by talking about a particular koan, but I'd like to preface it. Traditionally, the Zen koans are prefaced by an introduction or a pointer, so I'd like to preface it by how I've been thinking about this workshop. It may come as a surprise to the people who are in it, or maybe not. It's like being fully alive, you know, something in us knows what that is, and when we look

[03:23]

at it a little more carefully, something in us knows that that's an immense proposition that we could explore and probably, hopefully, will explore for the rest of our lives. Last week when we talked about monasticism, you know, what's the definition of monasticism? Monasticism is to do one thing completely, and as Suzuki Roshi added, to continue doing that one thing forever. And then a little more mysteriously, he also said, nirvana is seeing one thing through to the finish. Maybe we'll get back to that. So it seems to me, the first proposition is to get in touch with what's going on.

[04:24]

What exactly is happening right here, right now, in our lives? How do we shift from our imagination of what's happening, our wish to what's happening, to experiencing it directly? So part of my resource was an ancient Buddhist text, the Vasudhimagga. The Vasudhimagga is like the user's manual to human consciousness. You know, if you're a human, here's a manual to relate to being alive. And the Vasudhimagga encourages us all to figure out how to cultivate attention, then when you've cultivated attention, discover what it is to settle deeply into who you are. Deep enough that the agitation, the distraction, start to dissipate, and instead of being dragged

[05:41]

around by your thoughts and feelings, you can start to relate to them in a conscious way. And then the prescription goes on like this, you start to contemplate, when you can relate to your thoughts and feelings in a conscious way, you start to contemplate certain things. The first one being death. Interesting thing about contemplating death is, you pretty soon discover you're also contemplating life. When you start to consider losing everything, you start to recognize what you cherish. When you start to consider dying, you start to learn about living.

[06:45]

It said that Shakyamuni Buddha said that the contemplation of death is so vast, it covers any other kind of contemplation you can come up with. Or maybe in existential terms, that our concern about death gives rise to our desires and our fears and all the permutations that they come forth with. So that's the first contemplation. Then the next four are loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. So you suffuse yourself in those, like it says, like a sponge soaks up water and becomes

[07:55]

saturated in it. Something about reminding ourselves to not just get stuck in what we don't like, what we resent, how we've been hurt, what could have been better, what shouldn't be better, how other people are to blame, how we're to blame. The contemplations that are literally more life-giving, when we can arouse and act from a place of generosity, somehow it's like we're bigger. The world is more inviting. We give and we receive. In India, they call such a person a Mahatma, a big person, Mahatma Gandhi.

[09:07]

Indians think of Mother Teresa as a Mahatma. And then interestingly, in this user's manual to human life, they consider that this brings us to this loving-kindness, compassion, and sympathetic joy, bring us to a place of equanimity. It's not an equanimity based on being impervious to what happens inside and outside in this human life. It's an equanimity that has a Mahatma, a big self or a big mind, as we say in Zen, a sense of being that can be big enough to hold the joys and the sorrows, to hold the fears and

[10:21]

the love of human life. So from the point of view of Buddhist practice, this is part of our endeavor, to be such a one. And amazingly, Zen says, this is no big deal. We've all always been such a one. This is not a whole big effort to accomplish something. This is something we've always been. So that's my introduction to the Koan. So then Zen says, it's simply a matter of realizing it. And the Koan I'm going to read, the teacher in this Koan, he liked to use the image of the chick inside the egg.

[11:22]

It's like we're contained in the egg of the small self, this cocoon that we wrap around ourselves through self-interest, through self-protection, through self-concern. And this cocoon that we magically make between us and the rest of existence. And then we're inside it, feeling alone and unloved and uncared for and unnourished. Go figure. So this teacher uses the image of an egg. And it's like something in us, something in us that knows a bigger life is possible, is pecking at the egg to be hatched. To come out and grow wings and fly in the limitless sky.

[12:28]

And then wonderfully, something outside is pecking, helping us to do it. So that's the image this teacher liked to use. That this shell, this cocoon of small self cannot be dismissed without personal effort. But we're not alone. There's the teachings, there's the Sangha, there's the teachers. There's the dark night sky and the crisp blue mornings. There's the hot tubs and the stream. There's the cacophony of crickets. There's the sign to the railroad bell at dinner time. The sense of urgency and excitement as the doors of the dining room open. And always the world is pecking away at our shell, saying, anybody in there?

[13:41]

Hello? Is anybody home? Anyone in there want to wake up? Okay, so here's the story. There is no byroad to the way. We're all walking exactly in the middle of our life. There's no option. There one stands absolutely firm. We're always exactly in the middle of this life. There is no other place. The Dharma transcends hearing and seeing. The truth of existence is exactly itself. It can't be contained within any kind of limitation.

[14:47]

What we see and what we hear is just this moment's example of it. It's just this instant of something that's boundless. When we realize this, when we're in the middle of this, we're not caught in our thoughts and feelings. There one is independent of words and thoughts. If you can make your way through all the thorny entanglements, break down all the barriers of the Buddhas and ancestors and attain the quiet and secret land, there heaven will find no way to send down flowers to you and hell no way to spy you out. If you make your way through all the thorny entanglements, as someone at City Center said

[15:59]

that the definition of Dukkha, Lou Hartman, said the definition of Dukkha is there's always something. There's always some thorny entanglement, whether it's just what comes up inside of us or something happening in our world, snaring us, enticing us back into small self, convincing us that we need to struggle, that we need to base our life on our desires, our fears and our confusions, which we don't. We don't need to base our life on our fears and our confusions and our desires. None of the wisdom of humankind would propose that.

[17:10]

They all propose something different, something bigger. Break down the barriers of the Buddhas and the ancestors. All the great teachers of human compassion and wisdom speak from outside the cocoon of a small self. I was reading recently about Saint Francis of Assisi, and Saint Francis loved nature. So when he would go outside, out into nature, he would get so intoxicated by the beauty that he would start dancing around and singing, and then he would start talking. And they said that when he talked in this state, nobody could understand what the hell

[18:14]

he was talking about. So the Buddhas and the ancestors, the enlightened ones, the Mahatmas, don't say, you should get a good job, you should earn lots of money, set up a pension, you know, keep it for yourself, don't give any away. They say, stay close to your friends and stay away from your enemies. They don't say that sort of thing. They make some statement from the other side of selfishness. And that other side, it's like there's some barrier for us to cross to that other side. And of course there isn't. We already know. Just letting ourselves know that we know.

[19:16]

And attain the quiet and secret land. And this is pointing at this equanimity. This state of being that isn't agitated by being a human being. This state of being that's settled enough, realistic enough, open enough, pliable enough, patient enough, accepting enough, compassionate enough, wise enough, that it can respond with okay, this is how it is. We're declaring war on Iraq, okay? Maybe you like that, maybe you don't like that, maybe you think it's an awful thing

[20:28]

to do, maybe you think it's a wonderful thing to do. Whatever, it's what we're doing. Not to say that we don't act, but just we accept what is. We don't start screaming and yelling and saying, no, no, it can't be true. What is, is. And the notion, the next image is about God cannot, the heavens cannot send down flowers. We're not waiting in our settledness, in our equanimity, we're not waiting for praise. Oh, someone's watching me, seeing how good I am, they'll be coming soon to tell me how

[21:29]

wonderful I am. And similarly, we're not waiting for blame. I know sooner or later someone's going to not like me, someone's going to not like just the way I am. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. It's besides the point. The point is, what is, is. And this great being is asking us just to be grinded in that. It's like walking on the bottom of the ocean. You just walk in the midst of all existence. Okay. All day long, you act without acting. You just do one thing. You do it so completely, there's just doing.

[22:32]

There's no me doing something. It's just activity. This is the joy of life. This is the practice of Zen, the fruit of Zen, the wisdom of Zen, and the compassion of Zen. And preach without preaching. Doing one thing is the full expression of Zen. But it's also just doing what's doing, being done. Then, you've learned to tap the eggshell at the moment the chick is emerging. Okay, so that's the introduction.

[23:37]

Now, here's the case. A monk asked Kyoshe, I want a peck from the inside. So, listen to this carefully, because I'm almost done talking. Now, it's going to be up to you. A monk said to Kyoshe, I want a peck from the inside. It's a pretty good. He's saying, I want to live. I want to do it. I want to be it. That's really, that's what I want to do. Would you please tap from the outside? It's a reciprocal process. We do life and life does us.

[24:41]

It's all about relationship. It's all about relatedness. We look at the sky, the inky black sky and the luminous sparkling stars, and we say, how wonderful. And they're wonderful. And we, we imbue them with wonderfulness, and they cascade their wonderfulness upon us. We look around and say, I'm in the presence of mahatmas, great bodhisattvas, dedicated and wonderful people.

[25:44]

And then we receive the benefit of being in the presence of great mahatmas, bodhisattvas. And wonderful people. I want to peck from the inside. Would you please tap from the outside? Now listen, listen. Kyoshe said, could you attain life or not? Hmm. Could you attain life or not? So what's he getting at? I mean, it seems like a great thing for the monk to say. I'm here, I'm ready to practice, you know. Got my robes, ready to do it. Got the whole Zen outfit. And could I have your support? And the teacher answers, could you attain life or not?

[26:54]

Hmm. Okay. So what do you make of that? The monk said, if I couldn't attain life, I'd just be a laughing stock. And the teacher said, hmm. You two are a person among the weeds. It's kind of the last part. It's a person among the weeds. It's someone who's sort of caught up in the weeds, in the entanglements. But it's actually a compliment. It's kind of like a Zen compliment to sort of like put you down. No? Sometimes when you want to say how great somebody is or how wise they are, you say, oh, the old fool.

[27:59]

No? It's like there's no compliment that fully does it, so you throw in an insult. It's a Zen thing. So, so what do you make of this? I want to peck from the inside. Would you please tap from the outside? Well, could you attain life or not? If I couldn't attain life, I'd be a laughing stock. Oh, you two. Yeah, you're one of us. What does this tell you about how to practice? What does this tell you about being in the middle of your life? What does this tell you about opening, awakening? What are these two people getting at?

[29:01]

What made this story worth writing down and making it part of a compendium? Any comments? Please. Couldn't a monk just peck his teacher and say, am I alive enough? Could you speak up a little? Couldn't you just peck his teacher and say, am I alive enough? Instead of, you know, saying, if I couldn't attain life, I'd be a laughing stock. And he asked, you know, I'd like to peck from the inside. Will you peck from the outside? And then he should just peck from the inside. Yeah. What about the teacher's comment then? Just ignore it? Well, I think that's showing that you're trying to be alive. So if you would have been there, the story would have been different, huh? Well, you know, we all live our own story.

[30:09]

We're all writing the script of our own life. What else can we do? Anyone else? Please. It's also interesting. It seems like you have nothing to lose. If your success is attaining life and your failure is being a laughing stock, that's going to seem like, of course, if you go after attaining life, it's a small thing to lose. A small thing to lose? A small thing to lose is the amount of joy you get or appreciation or awareness of attaining life. And the only thing at stake is that if you don't succeed, you'll be a laughing stock. It seems like it's worth it. It's worth the effort. The potential upside outweighs the potential downside.

[31:13]

Yeah, exactly. Why wouldn't any one of us want to be fully alive? Please. I understood it sort of like this, that if I live my life from my inside out, seeing it as only the way I see it, then it's the small self. It's my narrow-minded image of the way I think the world is from within. But if I live my life knowing that there's people around me and that they see things differently, and that to be amiable and adjusting to the fact that there are other people in the world and giving way to those other people instead of just having my way, then I'm picking from the outside of the shelf instead from the inside of the shelf. And what's a teacher getting at, Chris? To not be selfish and self-centered and to be more aware that there's a world around us.

[32:17]

Okay. Thank you. To not be selfish. It's so easy to say, isn't it? Anyone else? All these things, I think, are why he's one of us, that he wants to attain life. Because it brings joy and untold wonder. And if he doesn't, people probably make fun of him because that's his one aspiration. And he could be unselfish and all these things. And that's maybe, I think what the teacher was saying, maybe that's the problem. He thinks it's something to attain outside. And so does in the weeds. Maybe they're pecking at each other.

[33:31]

Maybe the teachers already started pecking. Well, maybe the two could be exchanged and there'd be no difference. I guess it's a kind of cliché, isn't it? There's not that inside and outside in the shelf that he thinks there is. I think what it's saying is that when he says, If I don't attain, I'll be a laughingstock. And then the teacher says, Oh, you're just like us. He's basically saying, You're already enlightened. He's saying that, Yeah, that's what it's like. I go through that too. And sort of the student, I think maybe the teacher was impressed that he was bringing out the subtlety, that there is that sort of thing that they're all sort of having in the back of their head. Well, if I'm not doing this right, then people are going to think, Well, I'm somebody stupid.

[34:38]

But that's within the realm of attainment. Thank you. This simultaneous picking and tapping, haven't we already witnessed that? What are you saying? Are we? I think we are. Could you give us an example from today in your life? No, I mean in the story. I know the concept. Because what's taking place there. So one way to work with the koan is we, you know, it conjures up a notion. And it says, like the koan says, Your life is a jade palace. And then you turn around and you think, Okay, my life's a jade palace.

[35:42]

You know, I'm going to try on that reality, you know. Hello, jade palace. Wow, what a wonderful palace I live in. Look at those amazing beams in this palace. The original beams, you know, they rotted out. So someone searched out these beams the same size, cured them, brought them here. So the koan creates a construct of reality. And so then one way is we say, Okay, I've been living this koan all day. All day has been pecking from the inside and the outside. Now let me remember again. Let me remember a few instances of that. Certainly right here in this room. Okay, good, yeah. Huh, see, you're getting a swing of it. So, you know, our tendency is to have a particular mindset.

[36:47]

Okay, this is reality, this is me, this is you, you know. And then the koan comes along and says, How about you set that one aside and try on this one? Try on this definition of reality. All day pecking inside and outside. You think, Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess when that instant happened, that was life pecking at me saying, Hello, are you awake? Want to come out? Want to come out into the big world? Yeah. Okay, any other comments? Keith? We're all here tonight because we're pecking from the inside. Yeah. I see you were pecking me outside by your Dharma talk. And on the other hand, we're constantly taught that we're already there, we're already Buddhas. But that's not real practical. We're really among the weeds. It's not practical?

[37:48]

It's not practical. Being Buddha is not practical? Oh no, does a Buddha serve other people in dining rooms? Nah, he gets there, you know, that kind of thing. What? Wait a minute, wait a minute. This sounds like... It's tempting to say that he doesn't. He doesn't what? That he doesn't serve, but the Buddha does serve. People serve the Buddha. Especially later when he became popular. When he became popular and his group grew, he lived in monasteries and stuff and he seemed to be a little less of an aesthetic than he was when he first started. Well... We tend to fall into these mind traps and these mind things. Did you ever hear that great story about when Mahakasyapa came and said that to him? Mahakasyapa came back to Buddha, you know, Mahakasyapa went off and stayed in the street, he lived in the forest and stayed living, very, very simple. And after about 20 years he came back and visited Shakyamuni and he says, I think things are getting a little plush around here.

[38:50]

Did you know that story? Yeah. I think it's in the Irish version. And then the rest of the story is Buddha said, You know what? I kind of think maybe, I kind of agree with you. Maybe things are getting a little plush around here. Actually Mahakasyapa says, I'm worried that they're getting a little plush. And Buddha said, I'm worried too. According to that sutra. There's a practicality. The point I was trying to make is that we throw that around really easily and then that we are in such a high state but we're not supposed to live that way. We're not supposed to go around, I'm a Buddha. Are you enlightened? Yes, I am. We don't do that. And I think it's because even though that truth exists,

[39:55]

we really are unaware of it and we are caught in the brambles with everybody else. It is true, Keith. In the pointer it says, Preach without preaching. So we do one thing completely. Completely put the pot of hot water on the table. Completely expounding the Dharma. But it's also not preaching. It's just putting the pot of hot water on the table. It's been a great joy. Don't get me wrong. It's been a great joy. But it wasn't always that way. It's been a wonderful experience.

[40:57]

But it's also been pecking from the outside big time. I realize that I'm here because I'm pecking from the inside. I guess it's necessary. I'm at a point in my training where I'm trying to figure out why we have such high notions. But reality puts us in a completely different place. I don't feel like a Buddha all the time. And I don't feel like a Bodhisattva all the time. And yet somehow I'm supposed to be that. That's when I find myself among the weeds. I'm thankful that my teacher is in the weeds with me. Not somewhere else. Thank you. Anyone else?

[41:57]

Okay, Sarah. I just heard the... If I couldn't attain it, I'd be a laughingstock. I thought it was like a perfect... To me, as you said, it has this perfect double meaning of bringing forth this idea of maybe he's deluded about something to attain. And revealing that. And simultaneously this idea of how would you not attain your life? And then the teacher's response seems to have the same double level. Right. The teacher is just saying, welcome to the club. Anyone else? Please. These days when I was seeing the fishes in the creek,

[43:02]

I had the image of the salmon going down to the sea, to the ocean, and having an inside knowing of going back, where he comes from. And this, I think, is a beautiful picture for both. The inner knowing of us, and also this knowing has been placed into us by the rider of reality. Thank you. Wonderful image. Okay. Please. What she said about the fishes reminded me of something I was thinking about today. The fishes, they go down to the sea and they come back up. And as far as we know, they don't think about it like we think. And they just do that as... That's what they do. And it amazes me how much time we

[44:04]

spend figuring out what to do and trying to find out what life is about. Not to say it's good or bad, but nature already it's on a different level. Because they just they just do that and they don't even think about it. They know what their life is about. They don't even think, I know what my life is about. If we care to look, there are teachers. They're pecking on the outside. Please. Yeah. Exactly. Can you be laughingstock Buddha? Please.

[45:06]

This is my life thing. How could anybody else know but me? Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. It wants to live. It wants us to do it. Yikes. Okay. Please, Kathy. Okay, I'll read it for you. It is a teacher says or not. That

[46:10]

is selfish. Mmm. [...] Yeah. Mmm. So another notion. Can you attain life? How can you attain life? Life is life. It's it's itself. How can anyone say I will attain enlightenment? The whole universe is enlightenment. How can I attain it? Or not attain it. Yeah. Or not. Yeah. That too. Yeah. Just testing him out here. Now what's the proposition? What's the proposition here? You're going to do something? Or you and I are going to do something?

[47:12]

Something that's not happening is going to happen? Hmm. Something's going to be attained? Hmm. Yeah, that too. Okay. Please. I'm reminded of something David White said one of his poems Everything is waiting for you. But everything is waiting for you. And I think about embracing the interrelatedness and taking it from the inside and taking it from the outside is that it's all the same. In what way all the same? It's all there interrelated. One can't happen without the other. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

[48:18]

Okay. So there's that. Not much to it, is there? What's all the fuss about? David White. Maybe that's what he meant. You'd be a laughingstock like the rest of us spending your life making a fuss over nothing. Well what can I say? Thank you. Thank you very much.

[49:04]

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