Good morning. As probably most of you know, we're in the midst of our three-week intensive, which means that we are, can you hear me? Okay. Are you dying of heat? A little bit? No? Isn't it interesting? You know, half a dozen, well, something for, you know, blah, right? You know what I was going to say there, right? I got mixed up between half of one, six of another, and something for somebody or somebody else is something or another. It was close. It was even. They were both coming out at exactly the same time, but you knew what I meant, right? So, well, all right. So in the midst of a three-week intensive, meditation intensive for the most part, and

[01:04]

what that means for those of you who don't quite know, it means that we're sitting seven periods a day, which is very nice. I need that myself. So I'm very happy that a few, a number of other people actually decided that they wanted to do that too, because without them I couldn't do it, and it's really interesting, but as I'm doing the day, and I'll explain what the day is to you, as I'm doing my day, going through the day with everybody, I really, you know, here's, let me show you, I'll tell you the schedule and then you'll understand why. We get up in the morning, the first thing we do, get dressed and so forth, and we go to Zazen, two periods. Good, that's very good. I've just woken up from sleep, and nice, very nice. And then we do the rest of the day, we start the rest of the day, we do breakfast, formally, formal, three bowls, formal meal in the Zen Do, very nice.

[02:08]

And the serving is really nice now, it's kind of very smooth, and by the time I pick my head up and ready for the next thing, the next thing is swishing out the door and so on, so it's very nice. Hurts though, to go forward, you know, over your knees, you know, right, doesn't it? You're sitting there and everything's fine, and then you have to go like this, hurts. And then we have, skip service, didn't I, we had service, then we have Soji, we do temple cleaning a little bit, then we have breakfast. All the while we're quiet, not talking to anybody, just with ourselves. That's actually what I want to talk about today, the talking to ourselves part. Do you all talk to yourselves? This is almost the end of my talk, okay? So let me just get to that bottom line soon.

[03:12]

The talking to ourselves is the problem, okay? That mind that talks to us is not necessary. If we could just let that mind be there but not pay any attention to it, just set it aside all the time, it's difficult to do, that's why we keep going back to the same thing. But if we could just do that, if we could just not pay attention to the mind that jabbers away all the time, that's really important, okay? Just every time it comes up, don't invite it for tea. Just let it say what it has to say, say, thank you very much, and by a certain age you really know that all of the advice that it has given you in the past, well, is it true or not? I mean, think about it, think about it, do we have to be smashed over the head to really

[04:15]

get it, that it really is not giving us very good advice in certain things? It's very good for, you know, mathematics, yeah, and logical things and distinguishing bear from fruit, that kind of stuff, it's really good at that. About spiritual growth, maturity, relationship, anything that is actually, I was going to say meaningful, I don't mean meaningful to let out, I don't mean to exclude, you know, the logic, the mind, that mind, but the dualistic mind, when it has to do with things that are basically non-dualistic, it has nothing to advise, it doesn't even have a chance, because it can't conceive of the most important truths of our life,

[05:22]

which is, basically, that we are all one life, life itself, living itself out, and everything is abundant enough to feed us everything we need, but the little self doesn't think so, so it runs around being terribly afraid that it's not going to get its little piece of the pie. Anyway, so that all happens before we have breakfast, but mostly, if we are making an effort anyway to be present, to come back and be present, eventually, after some amount of sitting, it might be that that mind quiets down, if we really, if we stay, make an effort to stay present, because the dualistic mind or the egoic mind doesn't have a job in the present moment, that's why it's so frightened to be present, because it's going to die, which we want that.

[06:24]

So, if it's convinced, if we kind of convince it that we really are going to be present, eventually, it sort of slows down, and there are gaps between the thoughts, and there's some awakening of silence, of space, of relief and rest and ease and joy and peace. Finally, that's where it is, it's beyond the thinking mind, beyond the dualistic mind. So, then we have a break, then we come back and we have study, where we can study something about Buddhism, then we have class, and then we go back to the zendo, then we have formal service, we have formal lunch, then we have a break and we work, but during work we talk about

[07:30]

work-related stuff, and then we have back to the zendo again, and then we have service, and then now the hardest part of the day comes. The hardest part of the day is, after service, we have an unscheduled period of dinner, where we can actually talk socially to other human beings, and this is by far, for many, many people, most people, it's the most difficult time of the day. Funny, isn't it? But it's true. The other really hard time is day off. It's true, because if you don't really fill it up with activity, you're left with you, and sometimes that's not the most comfortable person to be left with. So, the reason why I'm telling you the schedule is because it's set up, particularly in Zen,

[08:39]

what we do is, we do this formal meditation practice and then we let ourselves out a little bit. From sitting meditation, we let ourselves out and we learn where we get into trouble, and then we pitter-patter back to the zendo, very happily back to the zendo, so that we can sit there looking at what the dualistic mind is coming up with, how it contracts, how it reinforces a sense of separation as the real truth, and how the ideas that come up for it, the way it thinks it needs to take care of it, and it's very, very convincing, and it will use anything to keep creating itself, whether it's a down point of view or whether it's an up point of view. I really understand I can help people. This is your separate self-talking.

[09:42]

Truly, a person with a sense of no separation just is present meeting what arises and being intimate with that. You don't have to sit back and say, that person's suffering, I can help that person. So, actually what I did was, I brought two books of poems because what I wanted to talk about was, first of all, two reasons why to be present. What we're talking about all the time in Soto Zen is basically, please, we just make that request, please be present, please do your best to understand why you can't be present, and then make your best effort to come back to the present moment, to your body. The body is always present, it's always here, you can use it, it's really good

[10:49]

for it. So why do we keep saying that? Well, for two reasons, mostly. Probably I don't have to convince you, but just in case, two reasons. One is, if we aren't really present, watching carefully, the conditioned mind will take its deluded self and slap it onto other things and other people, and we will hurt ourselves and other people. In our heart of hearts, we don't want to do this. So, the less we're present, the more we unconsciously allow ourselves to take the advice of the dualistic mind, and we end up hurting people because of it. And the second reason to be present is because, when we're not present to ourselves and cut off

[11:50]

the part of ourselves that we don't want to pay attention to, we kill ourselves, we die, that much of us dies, that much of us dies. So, the way that is recommended is to watch the dualistic mind but not identify with it. Watch the content of the mind but don't buy into the content. See it as a process rather than as the truth. You watch the words that the dualistic mind says and you see it, but you're watching the process of the mind, you're not buying into the content of the mind. The more you buy into the content of the mind is the more you identify with that mind. The more you identify with that mind, the stronger your emotions are that come up when you're hurt,

[12:52]

when you think you're hurt. So, it's a real clue. The emotions are actually just the response of the mind to this identification with thought. So, when you have a big rush of anger, let's say, it's just energy coming up as the body's response to usually hurt or frustration or fear. Now, what is the fear? The fear is that the small self thinks it's going to not survive. And the brilliance of being a human being is that we have, we develop this mind to tell us what we think is a threat and what we think is not a threat. So, it's actually pretty good. It's just overused in areas that it doesn't know anything about. So, in the text that we're studying, what it recommends is,

[13:57]

is to pay really close attention to the details of things and forms. So, I brought poems about that because I figured you already have the gist of what it is that we're trying to do and why. So, I thought I'd read to you what some poets have to say about things, the things of the world, the things of our lives that we usually disregard as just there for our use, and then we can kind of throw them away. These are poems. The book is called Odes to Common Things by Naruda,

[15:17]

and I wish I could read it to you in Spanish, but I can't, so I'll read the English. And the first one is called Ode to Things. I have a crazy, crazy love of things. I like pliers and scissors. I love cups, rings, and bowls. Not to speak, of course, of hats. I love hats. I love all things, not just the grandest, also the infinitely small, thimbles, spurs, plates, and flower vases. Oh yes, and the planet is sublime. It's full of pipes, weaving handheld through tobacco smoke, and keys, and salt shakers, everything, I mean, that is made by the hand of people, every little thing, shapely shoes and fabric, and each new bloodless birth of gold eyeglasses,

[16:23]

carpenters' nails, brushes, clocks, compasses, coins, and the so soft softness of chairs. Human beings have built, oh, so many perfect things, built them of wool and of wood, of glass and rope, remarkable tables, ships, and stairways. I love all things, not because they are passionate or sweet-smelling, but because, I don't know, because this ocean is yours and mine. These buttons, and wheels, and little forgotten treasures, fans upon whose feathers love has scattered its blossoms, glasses, knives, and scissors, all bear the trace of someone's fingers on their handle or surface, the trace of a distant hand lost in the depths of forgetfulness. I pause in houses, streets, and elevators, touching things, identifying objects that I

[17:29]

secretly covet, this one because it rings, that one because it's as soft as the softness of a woman's hip, that one there for its deep sea color, and that one for its velvet feel. Oh, irrevocable river of things, no one can say that I loved only fish or the plants of the jungle in the field, that I loved only those things that leap and climb, desire and survive. It's not true. Many things conspired to tell me the whole story. Not only did they touch me or my hand touched them, they were so close that they were a part of my being, they were so alive with me that they lived half my life and will die half my death.

[18:30]

So here we have a poet's way of talking to us about kitchen work, or the dependent co-rising of our lives, or as we read in the Tenzo Kyokan, which is the text that we're studying, nothing is hidden. The truth of our lives, not our lives, the truth of life itself is all around us as we all live this one life, so we value in that way everything equally. Every person in this room is a unique and particularly amazing manifestation of the truth, the total truth. And it's the job of the Tenzo in the kitchen to manifest that love.

[19:45]

The kitchen is a place of love. In Tibetan tradition, they do practices before they get to certain other teachings, like a hundred thousand bows, and a hundred thousand mantras, and a hundred thousand stanzas and so forth. When Ed Brown went to Karma Choling, which is a Tibetan practice place, to give a teaching on how Zen Center practice of the kitchen, he talked to them about how we do a hundred thousand carrots. He was joking, but kind of in a way, no, you know. If we handle each thing in the kitchen as the text says, as if it's our eyes,

[20:50]

if we understand that each thing is a manifestation of our life, if we see each person as a reflection of ourselves, our true self, our big self, then the Tenzo just goes around encouraging that manifestation. Oh, a carrot, my, that's amazing, a piece of broccoli, something fallen on the floor, the floor at all, the compost, the sink, the dishes. This is the same attitude with which we approach work in the outside, so-called outside, same thing, it's the same kind of thing. You don't choose the people that you work with, we don't choose the people that we're in the kitchen with.

[21:53]

So, we leave the Zen Do, having perfect stability and calmness. Yesterday, I think it was yesterday, I can't even tell anymore, yesterday they did road work outside, was it yesterday? Okay, two days ago. Two days ago they did an amazing thing outside, and one day, the day before, they cut a line down the middle of the street and then parked this enormous mammoth, that's how I saw it, I saw it as a mammoth with tusks and a very big long nose, a mastodon. They parked a mastodon on the corner, and then the next day, very early in the morning, a number of men came,

[22:58]

they drove the mastodon up the street, very squeaky, and the mastodon from the top of the street began picking up the street, the concrete, which is six, eight inches in depth. Underneath it, it's dirt, in case anybody was questioning. The earth is still down there, waiting. She will have her day, I hope. All the way to the top, picked up all of the, as it was going, down the hill, breaking up, picking up, putting it into the big, big truck that was waiting, earth exposed, cement pouring, men walking all over the cement, pulling it down, flattening it up, brushing lines across it, coming down the street all day long.

[24:03]

It reminds me of that poem from Mary Oliver, the big black bear coming down the mountain, flicking her tongue. It was kind of like that. All day long, it was coming down the street, tearing it up, and putting it back down again. It was amazing. It was totally amazing. It was just what it was. Just what it was was extraordinary. Just what it was. And the nice thing about it was, as I was watching it, I didn't have a thought of, this was my experience, and then I'm going to go somewhere and tell it to somebody. That's the small self, making everything that happens its own event. No matter what happens, if you see something and then the small self grabs it and makes it your event.

[25:05]

Two people are having difficulty, and instead of it being just two people having difficulty, it has a relationship to you, and you take it as your event. Do you understand what I'm talking about? The self claims everything, uses everything. Your experience or some experience that's supposed to be outside yourself, it takes it and it makes it an experience to recreate the self all the time. Oh, I have to stop. Well, I wanted to read you a poem from Keats, but I won't. Maybe I will. Okay, here's another self. Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

[26:06]

Maybe I will, maybe I won't. And then you get worried about it. Well, should I or shouldn't I? Will I be happier if I do or if I don't? Will they like me better if I do or if I don't? Another one is, if I do, if I don't. Oh, instead I'll tell you a story about the kitchen. This is a story about the kitchen from hell. A long time ago there was a Tenzo. Just before she was Tenzo, she was shuso, which means she gets a gift.

[27:34]

She gets a gift of awakening. And then the world brought her the kitchen from hell. I'll describe it to you. There was no phone to do the ordering. There was no assistant, fukuten, there was no fukuten, there was no assistant in the kitchen. She had hurt her back and had to lie down for a month. The crew was completely new and untrained. One of the guest cooks hated her. The food was coming in wrong, so things were missing. There was nobody to cook dinner, so she had to cook the dinner for the students.

[28:38]

Could it get any worse? I think that was it. That was the whole thing. That was the kitchen from hell. And one day the order came in. First, before this order came in, a number of other orders came in. And when each order came in, something would be missing. And the guest cook who hated her would tell everybody that it was her fault. And the Tenzo can't do anything about it, because the Tenzo's job is to make sure that everybody in the kitchen thinks that everything is going all right. So that they don't panic. Because if the kitchen panics, it's very difficult for the Tenzo. Especially when the Tenzo is having to do so much else. Oh, that's right, I forgot. Also, the Tenzo had to do their job, which was to order and make the menus.

[29:43]

So the food would come in, it would be wrong, she would get blamed. And she was trying to figure out, well, what is happening here? So the first thing that happened was, she went over and over and over and over her orders. They were right. Okay, the next thing she did was, she blamed the person. She was sure that the person who took it from the mountains, over the mountains, to then call it in to where you got food from, had made a mistake. No, it wasn't that person's mistake either. Okay, so one day she had ordered two boxes of grapes. The order came in and she was checking off the stuff. One box of grapes. Two boxes of grapes. Three boxes of grapes. Four boxes of grapes.

[30:50]

Five boxes of grapes. Six boxes of grapes. Seven. Eight boxes of grapes. Eight boxes of grapes. She started to laugh. What else could she do? It turned out that the place that we got the food from had new people on the job. And for weeks they'd been getting the order wrong. And all that time, this churning was happening in the kitchen. Churning, churning, churning. It was the beginning of the summer and we didn't know yet that we were all one event. It takes a long time to make a kitchen one dance, one intimate body, one mind. It takes months. And during that time, each person gets to be who they are.

[31:54]

And at first you think they should be another way, but by the end of the time you actually simply appreciate each person for who they are and what they're contributing to the dance. By the end of the summer, I'll tell you one short little other story. By the end of the summer, we were one kitchen. And one of the guest cooks was cooking braised carrots. Do you know what braised carrots are? Braised carrots are little carrots that are cut in julienne cut by hand. Eight gallons. Of julienne carrots. Julienne carrots are like, they're like your little pinky out of a carrot. Okay. Right? We did that. We still do that at Dasar by hand.

[32:56]

It's actually a wonderful practice. Eight gallons, okay. The guest cook is making braised carrots, which is, they have a really big pot and they put all the julienne carrots in there and they put in sherry and so on and they reduce it so the carrots get to have this wonderful sweet glazed taste, right? Exactly. Wonderful sweet glazed taste. So the kitchen's happening and we have all of this stuff to get out and, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the guest cook is busying around with all the things that she has to do. And suddenly the whole kitchen stops dead. The guest cook slowly walks over to the pot.

[33:57]

We all knew. She picks up the lid. Smoke. She puts down the lid. The kitchen is dead. Quiet. She walks over to the end where a counter is, where the knives are. And she goes like this, she goes. Dinner is in, you know, like two hours or an hour even. Beyond braised. As soon as she was able to make, that was Barbara by the way, as soon as she was able to make, to laugh, the kitchen did not one thought of blame because it was one kitchen.

[35:04]

We all had to get that dinner out. Everybody stopped, dropped everything that they were doing. Everybody came out to the main counter. There must have been 10 people cutting carrots. Eight gallons. They, I don't, I don't remember if we actually julienned them. We probably did rounds or something, something easier. Eight gallons of carrots ready and braised for that dinner that day. It was beautiful. We were in love. We were in love with us and the carrots and the offering that we had signed up to make day after day after day as one body, as one mind. This is our life with all things, with all beings.

[36:12]

We are that close with everything. We need only to love the world best we can. Starting with ourselves, moving outward. And this is our effort. This is what we've signed up to do. It's a good effort. It takes courage because we have to let go of the small, contracted me. It's so frightening to let go of it. So frightening. But we're going to give it our best shot day after day. Thank you.

[37:19]

Thank you.

[37:24]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ