us in short stuff, in the short ways, that grabbing onto the illusion of the belief in a separation of self and other is what exactly is our lack of faith. It is our lack of faith. So how does that work specifically? How does it really work specifically? Well, what we need to do is really be very clear about what it is, the way the mind works, that brings us the delusion in our daily life. I'm not even talking about the text. And I'll give you an example. The other day we had a theft in the building, in the kitchen. In the building, in the kitchen, in the building, in the building, in the kitchen. And the first thing I thought was that it was an in-house heist.

[01:05]

I didn't feel very good about it either. And there is no proof at all, none. Am I still happening here? There was no proof at all, but the first thing I did was I was quite sure that it was somebody who lived in the house. And then the second thing that I, the second concept The second idea that I had, and I want you guys to pay attention to really try to figure out what a concept is. It took me really a long time. I mean, you'd think that I would know this from English, you know. But actually, as it comes up in your life, it's so close to us that we kind of miss that what we're doing all the time is making concepts about everything all the time. So I had another idea. And the idea I had was that I happened, in case anybody wants to know, I know who the thief is. And I was sure that that was the case.

[02:10]

And for about, I'd say, about, almost about, I think it was almost like, almost a day. I think there was a night in between there and then we had, then the next day came. I think it was almost a day. And I was really looking forward to the meeting we were going to have because I was going to watch this person really carefully, knowing as I did that he was a thief or she was a thief. Well, thank God that I have this practice to rely on and that I don't have to be such an embarrassment to myself, you know. Because as soon as I actually saw the person, my grabbing onto these two ideas that I had crumbled in the face of an actual human being.

[03:16]

And inside myself, I apologized because I was creating this person into something. Now, I don't know if I wasn't true, I mean, if I wasn't right. But the point is, it's not so much whether we're right or not. And eventually, maybe it is such and such and so and so. And even then, well, that's a little bit more complicated. But my point that I'm making is that, well, it's not that complicated. We can go there too, OK? But the point that I'm trying to make is that we do this all the time. We have an idea about someone, whether it's a friend or someone we have difficulty with. We do it all the time with ideas about being right or not right, about who I am and who somebody else is. And without even bothering to consider that it's a thought, it's a concept, we think it's a reality.

[04:19]

And because we think it's a reality, we zip on over to the nidanas. I didn't put the nidanas up here today, but let's remember the nidanas, which I looked up the word. It's a great, the word nidana, remember the nidanas are the twelve-fold chain. the wheel of samsara, what we're bound to. As soon as we ignore the truth, remember ignorance was at the bottom of the thing. As soon as we ignore that we're not separate from anything and that these ideas that we have are just words being liberated of themselves, like Dogen says, As soon as we forget that and we buy into the truth of whatever our particular color that we paint the day and everybody in it with, as soon as we forget it, we are bound on the wheel of these nidanas, which actually is translated to mean cause of the disease.

[05:24]

That's what nidana means. It means cause of the disease, cause of disease. Isn't that great? It also means bound. I guess that's where they get bound to the wheel. And remember, I said that the way traditionally it's said that you could cut, you could take yourself off the wheel, is by removing your little sticky fingers, sticky mind on everything. Just don't, you know, wasn't there a joke somewhere around where this little guy was kind of walking around, it was like a magnet, and he squished up against the wall? No, that wasn't a joke somewhere? No. I just had that image. Anyway, that's what we do. We're walking around and we see something and we immediately glom onto it as the truth. We impute substance where there is none. We give it a reality where it doesn't have one. And we do it primarily about these sweet little skandhas over here that I talked about yesterday.

[06:31]

I hope that some of you are taking that up as an investigation and then see if you can find the skandhas and see how they're actually flowing along very contentedly all by themselves. All we have to do is let them. They're very content. We are content. We, meaning the body, the sensations, the perceptions, the mental formation, the consciousness, all very content. If we just let it go, being on the page with how things are happening. But no, we have this need to grab on. And as soon as we grab on, we're out of sync with the flow of stuff. It would be very good if we could consider self as a verb instead of a noun. Because it is. These things, like it says in the Vasudhimagga, it has a little phrase that I repeat sometimes. It says that the constituent parts alone roll on.

[07:33]

That's what we are. We're a bunch of constituent parts that's happening all by themselves. They're very good at it. And they'll keep right on doing it until we die. Until they run out of steam. Right. Yeah. That is our awakening. Just let him alone. Let him go. Okay. Emergency, emergency. Kathleen, do you want to sit in the chair you were in yesterday? Okay. Yes, she does. Thank you.

[08:37]

Thank you. What was this? What was this? That was another kind of spell thing. So that's how we work with concepts in every way, all of the concepts. And I suggested, what the hell, you know, I suggested that for these three weeks, radical, radical practice. Why not? Just for three weeks. Try it. No matter what concept arises, no matter what, First, find the concepts. I'm telling you, it's not so easy. Or maybe for other people it would be easy. But for me, I was looking around, looking around. I couldn't find one. Anyway, if you find... Yes?

[09:40]

one of the components, but its nature is such that there is a perception that there is a center to all of these components. And that leads to behavior commensurate with that perception, like . This is exactly what Vasubandha is going to tell us, how that happens. There is a sense of self and separation. There's nothing wrong with it. It's okay that we buy into it, that that is the only reality. That's the problem. In other words, he describes it as the sense of self and other is an illusion. It's an illusion. It's okay, though. It helps us. in many ways. The delusion, the thing that gets us in trouble is that we think that that is the truth, that there is a me over here and a something else over there and then we're going to relate to that something else almost always as if it's a threat. Oh, I didn't finish the, did I finish the sentence?

[11:01]

Let me finish the sentence. The sentence of the radical practice is, if you want to do this, now first you have to really be settled. If you're not really, and you know, know this of yourself. Let's not leap ahead, because if we leap ahead, forget it, it's a big waste of time. The first thing is you have to be present. You have to train your mind so that it habitually stays present rather than habitually going off one place or another or into some kind of distraction or over to some kind of whatever it is. So our first thing to do is to be present. Most important thing. Try to be present with continuity. Try to develop continuity. It says in the Hokyoza Mai, if you develop continuity, this is the host within the host. Develop continuity. That's what we're trying to do.

[12:02]

Take your mind of zazen, the mind that is present in zazen, just plain old present there, sitting there in zazen, and move that into the rest of your life. That's first. And then see if you can settle that mind. I should have brought you the koan about the one who isn't busy. Maybe I'll bring that tomorrow if I remember. You know, there's that famous koan about, oh, never mind, I can tell you. He pulls up a broom and he says, which broom is this? The teacher says, how come you're so busy? He says, you should know that there's one who's never busy, who's not busy. And then the teacher says, well, then there's two moons. And then the guy holds up the broom and says, which moon is this? So the idea that always, in whatever activity we have, there's always clear awareness. There's always a settled awareness that's non-dual, that isn't busy, that's not making judgments, that is us, that is who we are.

[13:12]

So once you're present, then settle, settle down to watching the process of mind rather than being caught by the content of mind. Then once you do that, take a peek at the skandhas. Take a peek at studying separation. Notice all the time when you feel separate. How does that feel? Notice when you're contracted. Does that have anything to do with a concept? Are you calling somebody names, yourself or somebody else? Is it painful? Yes, it is. When you suffer, the mind is caught, always. If you're suffering, your mind is caught somewhere on some kind of conceptual And then, of course, just watch holding to any one of these above things that are flowing along. So that's how to work with these concept things.

[14:20]

Once you're settled and you're resting in awareness rather than the content of mind, then when you're buying into a concept, when you're doing conceptual holding, just like what happened with the example that I gave you, Remove your belief in that concept. Just take it back. So if we just do that for three weeks, that would be really stupendous. Well, you know, when you feel separate, okay, that's what will happen to your body. Your body will go just... Even a subtle sort of averting is enough. But you should notice that all the time. Whenever you avert, whenever you create self and other, there's an averting there.

[15:25]

It's painful. And most of the time that's what we're doing. We're avoiding relationship almost most of the time, habitually. I'd rather be alone. And then, of course, we're miserable. You don't have to be miserable alone. We're not miserable alone when you're perfectly okay being with yourself. Then you have company. What? Dependent co-arising. So I'm still talking about Zazen. I'll read you something from Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. Beyond consciousness, classical beyond consciousness in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind.

[16:28]

We should establish our practice where there is no practice or enlightenment. Our true nature is beyond our conscious experience. Actually, good and bad is not the point. Whether or not you make yourself peaceful is the point, and whether or not you stick to it. I used to have that written in my house all over the place. Forget everything. The best way to find perfect composure is not to retain any idea of things, whatever they may be. To forget all about them and not to leave any trace or shadow of thinking. This is radical. This is a quote. I have to stop my mind in my practice, but I can't. My practice is not good, unquote. This kind of idea is also the wrong way of practice.

[17:36]

Do not try to stop your mind, but leave everything as it is. Then things will not stay in your mind so long. Things will come as they come and go as they go. Then eventually your clear, empty mind will last a fairly long time. So to have a firm conviction in the original emptiness of your mind is the most important thing in practice. Actually, emptiness of mind is not even a state of mind, but the original essence of mind which Buddha experienced. Quote, essence of mind, original mind, original face, Buddha nature, emptiness, all these words mean absolute calmness of mind. To realize pure mind in your delusion is practice. To have delusion is practice. This is to attain enlightenment before you realize it. Even though you do not realize it, you have it. So when you say, quote, this is delusion, unquote, that is actually enlightenment itself.

[18:42]

If you try to expel the delusion, it will only persist the more, and your mind will become busier and busier trying to cope with it. That's not so good. Just say, oh, this is just delusion, and do not be bothered by it. When you just observe the delusion, you have your true mind, your calm, peaceful mind. When you start to cope with it, you'll be involved in delusions. The best way to develop Buddhism is to sit in zazen, just to sit with a firm conviction in our true nature. This way is much better than to read books or to study the philosophy of Buddhism. Of course, it's necessary to study the philosophy. It will strengthen your conviction. Buddhist philosophy is so universal and logical that it is not just the philosophy of Buddhism but of life itself. The purpose of Buddhist teaching is to point to life itself existing beyond consciousness in our pure original mind.

[19:49]

Philosophical discussion will not be the best way to understand Buddhism. If you want to be a sincere Buddhist, the best way is to sit. We are very fortunate to have a place to sit in this way. I want you to have a firm, wide, imperturbable conviction in your zazen of just sitting. Just to sit, that is enough. Questions so far? Okay. So, what? Yes. Yosef. Yosef. Oh, okay. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. Yeah, that's what it is, but I'm not going to go... Okay, yes.

[21:07]

Sorry, I was clearing my throat. Okay. Okay, this is not soul. We're not talking about soul. We're talking big self, small self. Big self is true nature. Today we are going to understand everything. I'm sure. I want to say again what the most important thing is, okay, because we are studying this, and I know that it's not easy material, but it's fine that it's not easy material.

[22:17]

And the reason why it's fine is because what we're studying is not really the material. What we're studying is what comes up in us and how to deal with that, knowing fundamentally that the us that we think needs to either understand this or doesn't think it's worth understanding or does understand it and feels really good about it and better than other people who don't understand it and so on and so forth. That is the one we are studying. And that one is dependently charism. There isn't a one there. It's a bunch of conditions coming together, flowing on. And every time we grab any part of it, like I do understand it, instead of there's just understanding happening for the moment here in this location, we cut the whole flow into pieces and it dies. And the way it dies is it creates, solidifies the sense of me. And although maybe we think that that is a birth in some way, it's a birth that is what it is, is a birth of misery.

[23:26]

It's the birth of a kind of solidity that doesn't actually really serve us in our life. So before we actually get to the material, I just want to go back to the practice. The practice is over here on this side. I'm going to read it to you. A couple of people came up to me after class yesterday, one after class and one I think this morning. Yeah, this morning. And explained actually how it happens physically in the brain. And funny, it is the same as these yogis thousands of years ago discovered on their own. Science now is confirming what these yogis a long time ago through their meditation actually did. realized. And that's a happiness, I think, because it underpins and confirms the suggested practice, which we'll get to through this. Okay, so here we go.

[24:28]

I'm going to read it to you. Can everybody see? It says, IMS bird 50% me. It's a reminder to tell you a story. All right, so the way the brain works, this is, and if I get it wrong, you know, you could clarify it again. The way the brain works is the brain has a memory, memory is a pathway, a neural pathway, neural pathways in the brain. And now it just turns out that the information that we get over these pathways of a new experience, it goes over the same pathway as the old experience. So right there, it's really interesting. Right there, you can see that whatever we think is new coming in actually is stuck with all of the experiences that happened for that neural pathway the first time it got built.

[25:31]

Do you understand that? Is that clear? You have to nod or something otherwise. Okay, because then we'll go on to number two. Huh? Well, you know, originally it's when you're a little baby and then you come into the world and mommy says hello. Number two, memories are formed by similar neural patterns. And the more they're used, the stronger they get. We usually use the word rut. You know, you can think of it as a rut. that behavior pattern gets. Yes, definitely, definitely, definitely. Now, let's just say one of the patterns that you do over and over again that's really strong.

[26:38]

These are just the same. That's the amazing thing. It's the same in Buddhism. Now, this part of it I really find really interesting. This has everything to do with the practice. Let's think of these neural pathways as energy. Let's think of it as energy. If you have a thought, for example, that says, I am blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, or that so-and-so, or any thought, especially the thought of me, which is the most insidious and the deepest one in there, whenever you buy that thought, to give it a reality. Whenever you think that you're and somebody else is different and separate, whenever you do that, you grab onto that and you confirm that energetic. In the same way, if you suppress

[27:58]

suppress, let's say you don't want, let's say you're practicing no self, okay, and a thought of self comes up and you suppress it. No, that's okay. I'm always happy to see you. Got that? Oh, great.

[28:59]

Okay. This stuff is actually fun, you know. I wish I had a pointer. No, now I just need a pointer and everything would be perfect. Now, if you practice by saying you're going to be practicing no self or let's say no concepts and you go, no, here come, okay, I blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, and you hear in your mind a thought of self, you don't want to push it away and suppress it. Or if your mother or somebody comes into the room and you have a thought or a feeling of anger or disappointment, you don't want to deny that. You don't want to push that down because then what happens is that freezes the flow, the natural flow of the mental event. It freezes it and it gets stuck somewhere in the body.

[30:00]

That's why you see when people get older and they don't keep on the same page where their life is, their bodies are kind of hard and rigid. That's what happens. It's kind of a sad thing. So our practice, again, is not to grasp and not to suppress. Over and over again, we're told the same thing. And we're being told that this time just through how the brain actually is working. Therefore, we must meditate. There is no other way. You have to sit there and let the process happen. Don't buy into it because you just give it energy and don't suppress it because it won't go away. It's like the example was like a tube with water pressure or something going through it and it has a little hole in it. If you don't... let out some of the pressure. Actually, I guess I didn't understand the example.

[31:01]

But the end of it is that if you suppress it, it explodes. And isn't that what happens? We work in the kitchen and we have these little irritations and we think, oh, you know, no problem. I'm not really irritated. I'm just irritated a little bit, but I can let go of it. Right? I can let go of it. And then it happens again and again and again. Before you know it, you turn to the person and you say, get out of my space. Why? Not because they did the same exact thing they did before, but it's because you didn't deal with it when it was flowing last time. You just turned away. Really important. So what is the meditation? The meditation is simple. First of all, you have to settle. You must be present. If you're not present yet, then that's what you work on. Don't listen to anything else. Just work on settling. And then after you're settled and you can be kind of stable and relax the body and just watch and wonder without knowing anything.

[32:08]

And then stuff will happen. You'll have thoughts or there'll be sensations, there'll be perception, there'll be emotion, energy will come up and so on and so forth. You sit there, you don't buy into it, and you don't push it away. And in doing that, the awareness, that's it. Just being aware of the process, somehow or another releases that amount of energy, that amount of karma is used up And your wound, whatever level of wound it is, is healed. That's how it happens. That's the process. We have to walk through all of the old karma. Well, you know, there is a conventional, we have to say you, okay? There is a conventional us, and we're different. I'm here, you're over there, and I can say that. And I make vows and so on and so forth, and I vow to sit that way, okay?

[33:14]

But this big me is exactly this also, okay? Just bigger. Physical entities. Yes. Yes. Yes. Does it literally change? It changes. Josh. During the New Year's, we have to do this in the form of new memory.

[34:17]

We actually, in the cells, very subtly change from it and we take it from each other. So what Apple did is, we learned a lovely thing. Every single member of the channel had to do a subtle change. It was a very subtle repetition process for a while. How it changes depends on what's already in the memory . Yes. Good. That's great. That's really good. Our reality is a construction. This right here, this little thing, our reality is a construction, is exactly what Vasubandhu is going to be telling us. Exactly that.

[35:18]

What we think is out there and real is just a metaphor. It's a label that we put on characteristics and then we connect the dots and think that it's real, solid. and they didn't know it was like a different, and so we tell them to be different. And most of us learn that they're cute, and we look up there, and they're very different. So you can find that, too. We can start to be different. Yeah, there's no difference. Okay, go ahead. Don't look up there. that's right and let's bring it a little bit more closer to home and how we deal with the Sangha our friends and fellow travelers this is the part that is so important because we don't just do it to the stars up above we do it to the stars down below but except that we call them thief for example

[36:36]

or we say, I am whatever. That's what we have to watch out for. Does everybody understand that we must meditate? Just in the history of Buddhism, there are some lay enlightenment people that didn't meditate, right? How am I supposed to know? I don't know. But, you know, something there are also in the world, people get gifts of awakenings, little Kensho experiences and so on and so forth. That's just the beginning. And some people call that enlightenment, but that's not what we're talking about, you know. that when the self actually withers, then we relate differently in the world, and the self withers.

[37:49]

We don't relate differently in the world when we've had, you know, an experience of oneness. That's not enough. It's just, it begins at that point. Yes. That's how I put it. Yeah, also that. No, no, also, yeah. Well, literally karma is volitional action, but the way you're using the word, I can say yes. Now, this is an interesting... Point four is an interesting one. The more radical your change of behavior, the faster those pathways dissipate. So, for example, if we've always habitually related a certain way with a person, it's really good to stop relating that way to that person if that's causing us or the other person some difficulty.

[38:58]

But an even better thing to do, of course, we... probably can't, is actually turned toward the person with some amount of openheartedness. That would change the pattern even quicker, which is why we have all of these compassion practices in Buddhism. Exchanging self and other, patience, loving kindness, sympathetic joy, sympathetic joy, sympathetic joy. Number five is what's there is pure. Oh, this is the nice part. After, you know, not even after, it's there anyway. What is underneath all of this conceptuality, which is useful, we're not saying it's bad, it's useful, but what's underneath it is this original, non-conceptual, bright, clear, open-hearted, joyous awareness. It's there. It's all us. We just have to, like, uncover it.

[40:00]

And the way this morning it was explained is awareness does not depend on concepts. It is dependently co-risen, but not on concepts. So all of what we're dealing is now is we're concentrating on finding conceptuality in our own life everywhere it comes up. And I hope you guys are doing this. And not grabbing onto it and not suppressing it. Now I do know that we are in the fourth day, I believe this is the fourth day of the intensive, and we are intensifying a little bit. So I would like to suggest now that we make sure that we keep our container carefully. A way to do that, just to remind you, is if you cannot talk after Zazen in the evening through until lunch and work period, that's helpful.

[41:07]

Another thing is to pay attention to details. Pay attention to the forms. They help us be present. They give us something to attend to while our mind is, you know, doing whatever it's going to be doing. And in the kitchen, the forms are chopping the carrots, chopping the zucchini, making sure you turn off the light if you take a pot off the stove, putting away and washing your knife carefully, don't leave it in the sink, washing your hands after you come back from the bathroom, and so on. These are the forms of the kitchen. And do them very carefully. They will help. In the zendo, Try not to bang your knees on the floor when you kneel, when we do bows. When you handle your Zabutan and cushion, don't bang it around. Place it. Puff up the cushion. When the people are coming in with the meal board towels, know that they're coming in, especially the people in the first one.

[42:12]

When you come in with the meal board towels, don't bow. You just, when you get there, you just begin doing it. And the person at the end, Elizabeth, the person at the end, you have to make sure that you get your orioke up before they start wiping. And it's like a wave. Blanche really likes this, so we'll do the wave. Okay? Okay. So, do you know, does everybody know the wave? Do you know what the wave is? We're going to do the wave. Could you raise your hand and then put them down? Okay, now obviously we need to practice the wave. With you. All right, you got this table.

[43:17]

You can't do the wave. Because then the wave goes across the room like that. But we're going to go around the back of the room. And then to the middle. Okay? Ready, set, go. Good. Good. Okay. All right. So now let's get back here to business. Now, I'm going to review this again, and hopefully you'll understand it like that. And if you don't, that's okay because today's the last day we're going to do this. We're going to start with other things. But I think by this time you should kind of get it. The blue represents the kind of the template. The blue is a template. You have an organ.

[44:17]

It's sensitive. It's a receptor. It receives things. There are a whole bunch of tons of things in the world that are sending stuff. And I'm sure like dogs and flies and bats and so on, they're receiving their stuff, and we're not getting it. We're only getting... The receptors that we get, and we think that the world is the way we think it is, it's such a small idea, you know. No. But these are the ones we have. So these are the ones that we pay attention to, and they get touched by the universe. The universe comes and the sun, you know, says hello every morning. So we have an organ and a field that makes contact, and up comes consciousness. That's the template. Okay. Now, in the world of physicality, we have an organ, let's say the ear, my favorite.

[45:21]

We have the field, energy. vibrating energy. And we have up comes sense or body consciousness. Now, doesn't everybody understand that now? Yes. No. Yeah. That's mental. This is physical body event. No, there is one other organ. It's a mental organ. Okay? But then we go over to mind. Okay? Did I say that yesterday? Did we get that? Oh, not with me. Oh, we're not there yet. Let's just make sure. Let's just make sure we get this, okay?

[46:26]

So, organ, field and up comes sense consciousness in the material world. Can we go on now to another one? You mean awareness? You mean consciousness and brain? Mind. Well, we don't know what consciousness actually is, but we know that it has something to do with the brain. There's nothing on how we get to be aware, but it's there. We're having a semantic problem here that's not that important, okay? But we'll get to it in a minute, okay? Okay. Anyway, you have this part. I'm going to erase it. Okay? That's over. Okay. Now, the just-past-since event, the consciousness that arose right over here, is this.

[47:28]

All right? I'll show you how it's just-past. Yeah, the discrimination happens. We're not there yet. We'll get there. Okay, we're not there yet. How past? Itsy-weensy past. Very... Well, I don't know. It's just the smallest teeny-weeny. I don't understand why we're caught here. I don't understand, so I'm going to ignore this.

[48:33]

Let's try to get to this because I kind of would like to get through this to the actual text if we can, okay? So let's pretend this is a story. If it's helpful to you, use it. If it's not helpful to you, forget it. This is not the most important thing. The most important thing is up here. It's not me. It's the construction. and how to practice with it. This is just a story, a good story, but you don't need this. You just need to do the practice. All right. We have a sense consciousness arises, and that sense consciousness forms a function, does a function, performs, that's the word, performs a function. That's what happens. This just past sense consciousness performs a function. It acts like an organ. It receives. It looks around.

[49:43]

It receives. It even chooses. It reflects. It selects. And what does it select from? Well, it selects from its field, and its field turns out to be concepts. And when the concept and this organ connect, it's like this organ goes around and looks for its best guess of what's out there. So for example, OK, best guess. When that comes together and it finds it, then it knows it. And that's called mental consciousness. It's a mental event. It's all in the mind. It all takes place in the mind. Yeah, mental construct. Well, is consciousness a construction?

[50:46]

I don't know. Is consciousness a construction? Yes, we can. We have two experts that tell us yes, we can say construction. Okay, so clearly we are, once it becomes a mental activity, we're really not in touch with whatever it was that set off our little perception thing in the first place. So let's say we have a flower and that image goes through the eye organ and And it comes into the brain, and again, we don't see in the eye. It goes all the way back past this relay point I just learned about this morning, down to here, where it turns out to be, from our point of view, upside down. But I was also told this morning that who knows if it's upside down. It might be perfect exactly that way. So it goes to here, and this is the image, mental image,

[51:52]

Then this mental image looks around to these concepts. This, by the way, is a flower, okay? But it doesn't know that yet. There is flower in here, and there's also grass, and tree, bush. Yeah, sky, cow. flower, weed. What else? Stick, sticks, then. And it kind of sifts these out. And it doesn't even say yet that it's a dahlia. First, probably, or maybe if there is a dahlia, maybe it does. Maybe it sees dahlia right away. But anyway, out of all of these, it grabs one. And out of this, it's best guess.

[53:03]

It's best guess. It's closest guess. Then we actually know it. And the knowing of it, I understand, is all over the mind. I think there's knowing here. I forgot. What was that called? reticular activating system, but the neurons all over the brain make for awareness. Is that right? All over the brain. And we get to have a mental consciousness. This is a miracle. It's a wonderful thing. However, now here's the sad part. This root... The way it got in there in the first place, we had some experience before that told us that we had some experience with the flower. It could have been nice. It could have been within a relationship. It could have been that that relationship is now defunct and we had a lot of pain.

[54:05]

So I'm sorry to say that the flower doesn't come all by itself. It comes with all the experience that we had creating this root in the first place. despair, loneliness, you know, whatever came with it. When we see this new flower, it's got all of that. So when I first, let me tell you a story. When I first was really deeply in love, I was really deeply in love for the first time, I was walking around and part of me, half of me was just floating and the other half of me was just incredibly sad and I just didn't understand why. And, of course, I realized that originally when I was kind of taught about this kind of deep loving experience, it was with my family, and there was a whole bunch of sadness that got stuck onto it. So when my heart opened to the same kind of level, the same kind of sadness came with it. And I was relating to somebody completely different.

[55:07]

It had nothing to do with my family, but there was my family. That's what it's like. So when we have relationships or when we try to meet another person or whatever, it's not actually almost very much of the other person. It's mostly you. The world is mostly a mirror for you. When you get angry, when you get frustrated, it's usually not about what's happening so-called out there. It's usually about this side. Okay, now do we understand? And we can erase this. We're going to go forward. All right, say goodbye. I'm going to leave that because I think it's pretty good. Oh, no.

[56:11]

Now, I'll tell you about IMS. I was determined to have fun today. We were getting so dour. No, the IMS, an interesting thing happened this morning. I was talking to somebody and explaining to them that we were sitting across from each other and how did it come up? I forgot now. Oh, because of dependent co-arising. Because of dependent co-arising, whenever we are, like if you relate, if I relate to Andy, that happens differently than if I relate to Kathleen. I have a completely different relationship with Andy than I do with Kathleen. Who am I then? Am I the person with whom I relate with Andy or am I the person with whom I relate to Kathleen?

[57:12]

I'm different when I relate to Juan. Who am I, actually? Am I smart? Well, only when I understand something. And tomorrow, maybe I'm kind of dumb. So the IMS story is that I was at IMS as a meditation retreat, and there was no talking in that retreat. It was after a while. You stay there for a while. My mind was very quiet, and I was just staring out the window. You know, a lot of insights happen like that when you're just very quiet and just kind of staring. Yeah. Because your mind is blank and it's open to what comes in. So all of a sudden a bird, there was a bird on a branch and it was doing its bird thing. And usually I would say, bird, you know, great. and have some kind of relationship with the bird. But actually, that's not a relationship with the bird. That's me having a relationship with the bird over there, away, outside, separate.

[58:15]

Well, I wasn't doing that. I was just looking, and there was nobody over here, and the bird was doing its thing. And so I really looked at the bird. I had the most, in a certain kind of way, awful understanding that the bird was just, well, okay, here it is. Here's the awful part of it. It was like a mechanical metal machine. Now, it had its programming. It was doing its pecking and cleaning its feathers and all the rest of it. It was just dependently co-risen piece of life. all just like the skandhas flowing along with nothing else there. Just like me and you. It's all dependently co-risen. There is no me on top of all that. So with that basis, with that understanding, with emptiness as the base, we turn toward the text.

[59:26]

Machine? Mechanical. Mechanical. It means that, in this case, what it meant is that the bird wasn't like choosing to peck or choosing to fly at that moment. It was an entirely conditioned event. It was pecking because... It had a, I don't know, maybe it had a flea or something. It had hunger feelings, so that produced in it pecking for food. And then when it was, I don't know how a bird works, but if it was going to go somewhere else, the wings would spread and it would fly. And it's all happening because it's a condition. Conditions come together and create that behavior. The bird didn't have to figure out how to fly or anything. It was just on its way. We can explain it.

[60:42]

The pinnacle rising is... Is that all right? It means that... It's an easy way of thinking about it. Let me put it this way. In order for something to be a certain way, it depends on other things. In order for me to be who I am, it depends on everything that's not me. So everything in a certain kind of way that isn't me is creating this so-called me. I am actually, you know, everything else. Okay. Hmm? Oh, when I said it was awful? Because the image I had in my mind was that it was actually mechanical and I so much, you know, the lifeness of it somehow for a moment just flashed away. And it became, the birdness of it somehow was, I didn't see that part.

[61:45]

I saw the other part for a moment. Okay, so let's go to the text. The name of the text is 30 verses of Asubandhu. Let me put this on the board. It's actually Vishnapti Matrata Siddhi, which means mastery of representation, only mastery of representation. only representation. Does it have an H? Yes. This vijnapti is an important word. Remember I told you yesterday that we were not going to do cittamatra and we're not going to do vijnanavada?

[62:49]

We were going to do vijnapti metrata. It's because this word means representation. And now you can see after all that we went through with this other stuff that the image that we have that we think we're relating to is a representation only. It's not the thing itself. It's our version of what the thing itself is. Okay, representation. Sure. Actually, it should be Vishnapti Matra.

[63:55]

I think the ta, it maybe gets, I'm not sure about the, I mean, I know the ta is in there, but I think it has something to do with how it works next to sitting. Okay. So this means only, and this means master. So, represent So Master of Representation Only. The Mastery of Representation Only. And the particular work that we're going to be looking at is Vasubandhu. It is 30 verses, and the name of it is the Trim... Can you spell it? So this is verses

[65:15]

Oops. This is versus. And in this case, this is going to be consciousness. 30 versus unconsciousness. 30 versus unconsciousness. 30, that's better. 30 versus unconsciousness. That's the school. Yeah. And that's the text. All right. So now let's look at the text. Now you have the text in the compendium. You have the text, both straight 1 to 30, and then you have each verse with five translations. The first 1 to 15 basically describe the arising of self with definitions and then also mental states.

[66:28]

That's about 1 to 15. And we should be able to... Well, we'll see. And then 16 to 19 gives further... explanations about the illusion of self and other and 20 to 25 is basically the content of the meditation that you know we've been talking about already and then the end of it is basically the path so often it's just divided that way so you have a sense and then a larger division of course then would be from about 1 to 16 or so is the definition and the description of the illusion and of misery and the end of it is the release so that's kind of how we're going to approach it and we're going time yeah okay okay we don't have so much time so this is good so you're going to have you'll have homework for study tomorrow because we're going to before we actually get to the verses we're going to define three little words

[67:38]

And the words are, anybody want to guess? No. Huh? Darn. Yeah. All right. We're going to talk first about Aliyah. Oh, that probably is not good. Is that good? Okay. Aliyah. And what's the next one? And Manas, very famous one. And what's the other one? I know, you know, this one is really an interesting one. It kind of, Manas and Alaya get all the attention, and concept of the object gets really short shrift. And I don't know why, because concept of the object is very important. I'm going to tell you what it is already. Concept of the object is the idea of something out there. It's major important. Major important. It's an idea. It's a concept. Are you okay, Judith? No.

[68:45]

Where? What? But it's not saying everything. Yes, that's right. Yeah, we do. Well, that's why you're here. That's exactly why you're here. So, what is the practice, Judith? What is the practice? Well, how? You have an idea right now in your mind Do you mind if we do this? Okay. Judith is sitting here with an idea in her mind that she calls, she has people locked in boxes, right?

[69:56]

And you believe that thought to be true. No, no, we're talking about right now in this moment. This is the hard part, letting go, okay? Okay. And it could be, sadness is fine. You get to feel that in the body. It came up sadness, okay? Right now you're sitting in this room and you had a thought that a sad, it's sad that I put everybody in boxes. It's a thought of the past. I have put everybody in boxes, right? And by doing that, I have in the past, maybe, caused pain to myself and to other people. Okay? That's a thought. That thought brings with it certain energy, certain emotional energetic response, right? Can you enjoy the energy right now?

[70:58]

Okay. Do you see that as a thought? And how is it concrete for you? Well, it's that you believe it's true, right? Yeah, which is just what we talked about, right? But right now, your freedom is about right now. Right now, it's a thought that you believe to be true, and it's causing you suffering. Can you let the feeling in your body happen, feeling it completely, and let go of recreating the truth of that thought?

[72:09]

Now, if you just sat there and let your body have those feelings, but not recreate thinking that that thought is true, because you don't know. You don't actually know. You don't know that if what you think hurt another person is not exactly what that person is going to use to wake up someday. but it's a possibility. Well, until... Two things need to happen. One is you have to have a sense that holding to thought actually is more painful than letting it go. You have to have a sense that the thoughts that we think actually don't represent anything.

[73:16]

You have to somewhere have these... It's easier if you have these understandings. The practice is the same, but it helps to understand some sense of emptiness, some sense of dependently co-risen event. Then when you have that kind of thought, feel that feeling, you can really be with the feeling but know it's only your particular interpretation that recreates you more than it does somebody else. You're recreating your suffering. You have no idea what the other person needs or doesn't need or how you can help them or where they're at or anything else. The question is, can we be free of our own stuck places? Then you can actually have a chance to meet the other person. Instead, if you're going to meet the other person with that thought, that person is going to always be, oh, poor that person. Right? That's not meeting the other person, not even close. So your job is to get yourself free of that truth. It isn't true. It's just a thought that you have invested with substance that causes you suffering.

[74:22]

So why don't you ask? Why don't you check it out? But sometimes that's helpful. Sometimes you do something to somebody and you think you've really done something hurtful or whatever. Ask the other person. Sometimes they don't even notice it. And you can begin to kind of loosen your hold on those kinds of thoughts. It's all us. You could practice... Yeah, right. But if you do that, you can't miss, though, your feeling. That's not suppressing what you actually feel. You can't walk over the feeling. You could just try a different way. But even better to practice the pinnacle rising because your event comes to you with the other person. If you can see that over and over and over again, that's really helpful. When I think of a boss, I think of a wall.

[75:45]

And my experience of being a leader is somebody who is very fluid and accepting. Thank you. Interesting, huh? So your idea of you is different than somebody else's idea of you, right? But your idea of you causes you pain. Can you release that?

[76:47]

Then find out what it is that you're holding, that you need to hold on to in order for you to still be you. Can I say what I mean? Find out what part of you is getting strong by thinking that thought. OK? You're rebuilding a you of a certain kind. Can you let go of that image of who you are and be nobody? Yeah. Same thing. It's the same thing.

[77:53]

It's stuck. You can say, I am good for now because I sharpened somebody's pencil. And that's it. Then as soon as you turn around and give the person the pencil, you don't know who you are again. till something else arises that you can respond to. And then when you respond, you'll find out who you are. You mean if you think something is really true? Because the person because the person is never just that Even if I knew who was really so-called thief It doesn't represent anything that person may also be a father and a dog catcher and a kind person to old people and a you know, whatever that person is

[79:01]

okay, is not a thief. They took something once, maybe. Maybe they took it to give to an orphan. What does it make them? Does it make them a thief, or does it make them, you know, a person who's going to sacrifice time in jail so that this other person can have food? It doesn't mean anything. But as soon as we call somebody something and believe it, We've done damage to ourselves and to the other person, good or bad. . Exactly. Exactly.

[80:03]

Yes. Right? And it says in one of the, I think it's 17 or 19 or something like that, if you don't stop at mere concept, you're also in problem, in trouble. Just like you said, oh, I'm a person who can do this practice, right? Boom. There it is. You just created a self right there. It's fun, don't you think? No? You don't think it's fun? No. One. Really relinquish everything all the time. It's really good at what it's good at. For example, for some reason it pops up in my mind, making airplane ticket appointments. It's really good at that, and we need to respect it and let it do its thing.

[81:07]

It's great in math. It's great in... See, it gets hard to think of. It's really good in some things, and... Making lunch, right. And also, we need to handle it with a great deal of compassion, because as we begin to let go of the part that we recreate that it really isn't, it gets really scared and nervous, and we need to really take care of it in a daily kind of way. Is that what you mean? Yeah, I guess. I mean, for the neurotic dictation of conceptuality, Because for me, it's not so much having a cell that's invested in, you know, making your airplane. It's more like understanding. Well, you can go ahead and let your, it's good at that. Go ahead and do whatever kind of puzzle, intellectual thing that is exciting for it.

[82:13]

That's fine as long as you're really clearly aware that you don't identify that knower or that smart person or that whatever image you have wrapped up in just the plain old fun of intellectual pursuit. See, it's fine as long as you don't paste, as long as you don't impute a self there. Fine, not a problem. That's exactly the point. Oh, yeah. Unless, except right then when you're playing chess, you can call yourself a chess player and know that it's empty. Just don't solidify the word chess player. Chess player just means that right now, this set of skandhas, for now, temporarily, is moving these things around the board. And maybe you're playing with somebody else and you have to communicate, don't call me on the phone right now, I'm a chess player.

[83:15]

It's helpful. It's helpful. But that's as far as it goes. That's it. You don't become later on like the chess player making dinner. No, we don't. That's right. Exactly. You're not a chess player making dinner. You're a dinner. And right now we are a meditator. All right. I don't know. I think he probably meant that sometimes when he did something that, you know, might. I don't know what he meant, actually. I don't know. Yeah, when I'm here in the front, I'm teaching. And when I'm, you know, cleaning my house, I'm a cleaner. Right.

[84:15]

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