All week long, I've had a pain between my spinal cord and my right shoulder blade. It's a little ball of pain. It's hot, round. It moves. Sometimes it goes a little bit lower than my back. And I noticed that if my gassho is over here, it hurts in my back. And if it's over here, it doesn't hurt. And I remember years ago I was told that the gassho should be a fist distance.

[01:10]

Nothing of what I'm saying is important. The other thing that came to mind was somebody said that when the Buddha saw the suffering in the world is when he decided to teach. I don't know if that's true, but that was very kind of him, I thought. Trungpa one time was in a room with a number of people, and he drew on the blackboard this kind of figure from your point of view. I'll draw it again in case you missed it.

[02:24]

I can do it with my other hand. And then he asked the people in the room what they saw. Shall I tell you or do you want to guess? You know, I'll get back to it, don't let me forget. One of the biggest puzzles to me is how to encourage people without telling them something. I find it quite difficult. So even now, I don't know if I should tell you or let you have the fun of investigating yourself. I'm going to tell you in this case.

[03:27]

Everybody said it was a bird. Did some of you get that? Yeah? Wrong. No, it's a bird. But what Trungpa said was, it was the sky with a bird in it. That's what I said. Pretty good, huh? He was trying to point out the spaciousness that is the background of everything. This spacious, still, silent, groundlessness that is somehow what we all are.

[04:37]

It is what we are practicing now. We're practicing noticing this spaciousness. Even in the midst, even in the midst of tears, there is this still spaciousness. And we're remembering, that's all, just remembering. We're trying to develop a mind, we're trying to cultivate a mind that remembers our true self. We're trying to develop a mind. Can you hear me? Yeah. Where?

[05:58]

No? Where's? Where? [...] I know. But I don't want to only look at that side of the room. That's what always happens. Where? [...] We're trying to develop a mind. We're trying to develop a mind.

[07:02]

Let's see. The japon, the koromo, and what's the other thing? Kimono. Okay, let's see. Try that one. Kimono. Kimono. Kimono. Hello? Hello? No. How could a tenth of an inch be too far away? Hello? Hello? Hey, I'm not going to move my head now. I'll just look over there. We're trying to develop a mind that is stable and upright in the midst of movement. that is balanced even when we're tilted. It's okay to be tilted. This groundlessness, everybody knows about it.

[08:23]

Musicians know it well. This stillness in the middle of movement. It's like in music, you know. There would be no such thing as music without silence. Dancers know it. In the middle of their movement. Quiet. Athletes. Workers of any kind know this. We all know this. We've all had experience of this. It's like a storm. Were you awakened last night by rain? Wasn't it lovely? It's like a storm. Conditions come together And we have darkness and clouds and rain, sound, wet.

[09:43]

And we say, it's a storm happening. And then the conditions change. And what happened to the storm? There was never a thing called a storm there. That's just a word that we can use to communicate with someone on our email. Yes, today it rained. We had a storm. We get caught by the words, and in getting caught,

[10:48]

by the words, thoughts, emotions, we restrict, constrict, we stop, we constipate life. We create separation, which is the wound, the fundamental wound of us and of the world we live in. You know, in the Diamond Sutra, we read the Diamond Sutra here, and it's actually the Diamond Cutter's Sutra, because it cuts through what ideas.

[11:52]

The thing about this is it's making my voice high-pitched. so I'm not comfortable. Hello. The name of Categoria's latest book is You Have to Say Something. But Really, all the words that we give you and all of these great teachings and the ideas and everything, it's just to keep you interested. So that you sit, really.

[12:56]

So that you take the time to stop and look study what's going on up there so you can forget it. You know, it's wonderful sitting session, even if it's uncomfortable or emotionally painful. In the Diamond Cutter Sutra it says something, something, something. It says the same thing over and over again. Did you notice?

[13:58]

Same thing. It says, we teach... Now it's really raining. We teach... How is it? Let's see. The Blessed One, the Tathagata taught particles, let's say, particles of dust as no particles of dust. That's why he can teach particles of dust. Because everything is empty, because everything is changing, we can have music, we can have jhana, a jhana person, We can have everybody. Isn't that strange? We think exactly the opposite, exactly the opposite.

[15:04]

But the truth is, because we're nothing, did I say that? Can you hear the rain? Of course this noticing of spaciousness and this groundlessness that we are doesn't come overnight. Turns out, much to my disappointment, when I started sitting, I knew I was going to be enlightened in a week or two because I was really determined.

[16:09]

And the reason is because we're so distracted by our psychology. by psychological stuff. So, initially, that's where we work. So for those of you who are doing that now, that's just exactly right. You're not missing anything. That is in the middle of the psychology. That is I was going to say the awakened mind, but I hate using that kind of jargon, but what else is it, you know? Was that thunder? Shucks. I heard thunder. So what do we do? Again, we have to make friends with what really is there.

[17:22]

Not an imagined thing, but what really is there. No more denial, no more pretending, no more having to fantasize some other kind of life that we want to do. Somehow, we have to just give up thinking that whatever we think, and let our embarrassment at who we are, you know, just tuck our embarrassment under our arm and admit we're frightened, we're scared to death, we are incredibly selfish, we are lonely, We want desperately to be loved and cared for. We want a dog, I don't know, whatever. Let's admit it.

[18:35]

And then the next thing that what we do also, you have to say, is we have to take responsibility for our emotion thoughts. Okay? I'm going to say no more, but of course, you know, we don't just stop now, but at least notice. No more blaming everybody else. No more projecting. No more judgments. No more, you know, did I say projections already? No more projections. You have to look at the rain now. Can you see it? This is our first big storm. We're having a storm. The sky is crying. The reason why we need to do that is because... And also practice the precepts.

[20:00]

The reason why we need to do that is because we cannot have a quiet mind until we do that. That's the first thing. And we need a quiet mind in order to settle, to investigate how the mind works. So when we get to the place where we're really bored with all of our stories, we're in a really... That's good. We've taken a giant step Because it is with a stable mind that we can actually risk being present. Because with a stable mind, we're strong enough to not get caught by the content, but to be able to watch the process. And that's another huge step. And then we want to not identify with the process at all.

[21:08]

nor do we want to identify with observing the process. And then things get really quiet. It allows us to stay current with the story of our life. We can stay on the page that's happening instead of, you know, flipping back we're going ahead of the story, we actually can read the story of the life that we're having right now. And when we do that, when we understand how these storms arise by conditions, when we understand how these storms arise, and when we don't have to identify with them, we have some confidence in our life and some trust here.

[22:16]

Dogen wrote this teeny-weeny poem that I really like. It's like a pointer. He says, no wind, no waves, an empty boat flooded with moonlight. That's us. Empty boat. Flooded with moonlight. Flooded. Flooded? Fluttered? Flooded with? Moonlight. Isn't there a song like that? Moonlight over the something or another? Moonlight. You must know that.

[23:27]

Moonlight over. Moonlight in Vermont? He also says something about dropping off body and mind. Well, what do we think that is? In your sitting this week, was body and mind ever not dropping away? Was that okay? Was that too much? I have to watch myself all the time. I really try to be careful, but it does no good.

[24:29]

Body and mind, it seems to me, is dropping away all the time. We just have to realize that. We have to notice it. We have to let it drop away. It is only our own holding on so desperately to our familiar... Well, I think it's... I must admit, I myself am desperately holding on to my body. I don't want to be sick or anything like that. I mean, is that okay? If anybody's sick here, I apologize. Boy, you have to really be careful. Or maybe not. Maybe the best thing is to make a mistake, if it's actually a mistake. Maybe the best thing is just to be yourself. And then everybody, at least, you know, that's, you know, and then everybody could just respond however they respond.

[25:42]

And then you have this relationship and people, you know, keep going and so on and so forth. It's just that you just don't want to hurt anybody so desperately, you know. But if we hold ourselves back too much, then we have to walk like on the middle way. This middle way teaching of Buddhism is very good in all ways. Exactly. When I first came to, what time is it? When I first came to Tassajara, I used to laugh all the time. All the time, especially, I laughed in the zendo. For some reason or another, I just had a little tickle all the time about almost anything could make me laugh.

[26:42]

And I couldn't stop, I just couldn't stop. Everything was just so funny. And we went through a stage, one practice period anyway, at Tassajara, where people would sort of not make another person laugh. You can't really make another person do anything, but would try to kind of encourage the person who couldn't control themselves. And finally, Leslie gave me a really good trick, because she was one of the people that had irritated really a lot. No, I don't know if it did. We tease each other, so I just teased her, so I take that back. She told me that when I have energy like that, to think of my feet to ground that energy down into the earth, and it works. It's really good. The only thing is, I didn't laugh so much anymore, and that was not so good. But then the reason I didn't laugh anymore was because I finally was getting into my suffering, which actually was a step in the right direction, I think.

[27:49]

So, when we notice body and mind dropping away always, and no longer feel the need to grab on, we can begin practicing the work of the heart, maybe. We practice parmitas, giving, discipline,

[29:15]

effort. I wanted to say joy, but that's not one of them. Patience. Meditation. Wisdom. Wisdom of no separation. The wisdom of no separation which we start right from the beginning in this groundless spaciousness, no separation, healing our wound, healing the wound of the world. We begin our practice all over again from the beginning, completely in the dark, not knowing anything at all.

[30:20]

which reminds me of a Rilke poem. I live my life in... He didn't say spreading. I live my life in widening orbits, moving out over the things of the world. Perhaps I will not reach to the very last one But that will be my effort. I've been circling around the mystery. And I've been circling for a thousand years. And still, I don't know if I'm a falcon or a storm or a great song.

[31:38]

This not knowing is a big relief. It's another day and a half. Sit. It's the only way. Sit in the middle of your particular storm and know it to be completely groundless in its deepest sense. And let the choiceless awareness that you are heal your deepest wound.

[32:33]

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