my um overwhelming concern of this evening is to um and that's all that came into my mind it stopped right there it And just before that, what happened was I was enjoying, it was almost my favorite part of talking, this microphone. I'm a hearing person. I love sound. And the sound we're making is being magnified, right? Yeah. So I can . I'm aware now that my voice is probably a little bit deeper than I usually speak. Doesn't look great.

[01:01]

So... But what I wanted to talk with you, not to you tonight, but actually with you tonight is something that sounds like form. But I realize that we've been talking about that for at least a week, if not years. So I didn't want to call it form exactly. but that is what I'm going to be speaking about. But more fundamentally, as I was walking down the stairs, the question came up to me, what really are we doing here? And somehow or another, those two things were connected for me. If we really think or believe, or anyway have an inkling that it might be a good thing to kind of believe in, that everything comes out of emptiness, which is a little bit funny way to put it, but I will for now.

[02:26]

If a world will feel that way, then How in the world do we manifest that understanding? My thinking is that what we're about here is to free the heart. And if that isn't what it's about, then somebody tell me. And my experience is that it's not easy. It's difficult. So, what gets in the way? Joko Beck has a wonderful way of expressing the four vows that we take.

[03:38]

She says, caught in a self-centered dream, exactly suffering. Holding to self-centered thought, exactly the dream. So what gets in the way? Me. Me. Me, me, me, me, me. Play me. I'm going to be happy. I'm not going to be unhappy. Or sometimes we go, blue me, lousy me. I'm gonna stay unhappy and I'm liking it here because I'm familiar with it.

[04:45]

But... So, how is this talking about forms? It's talking about it in two ways. The first way is, I love the forums, first of all. So let me get that said. I really love them. They make a lot, right? It could be anything. But the first way is, is that when someone asks you, for example, to walk quietly in the Zimba, and you're used to walking kind of at a normal, usual place in the Zimba, and someone taps you on the shoulder and says, excuse me, our forearm, whatever that is that we just made up, is to walk quietly and slowly in the Zimba, and then you go, fuck this.

[06:16]

Guess who's there? Me. Right? And that's not so bad. That's fine. So the forms of a mirror are a wonderful mirror for us. And we can love that person who has that kind of response. That's a person with a lot of energy, full of life, has real opinions, knows what's right and wrong, probably knows what the best thing is for everybody, and can tell you why. But, you know, another, I'm not going to tell you the other reason yet for a minute, but another thing about walking slowly in the Zen, what do we mean slowly?

[07:25]

I told somebody that one time, and I said, please walk slowly in the Zen. You know, I'm sitting face out, which is a real problem for two reasons. One is the candle is right in front of me. So I'm sitting there, you know, and it's going flick. That's one thing. And the other thing is, especially in the beginning, it's awesome, you know, it's really busy in the morning. And lately I've been allowing myself to sit in the morning, which is a gift. So, but people go by. You know, I'm sitting there trying to sit, and they go, whoosh. First they all go this way, whoosh. But then everything clouds down a little bit, and then the gender happens, right? And then all of a sudden everybody goes that way. You know, people would practice discussion and go somewhere. So it's like about 10 minutes before. And then people come, they walk close to me.

[08:28]

So they're in my eye of sight. So sometimes I say, please, you know, walk slowly. And then they say yes. And then they try to walk so I can see they're really trying to walk slowly. But they have someplace to go. I understand, totally. They're hurrying to their seat to sit down. And they don't want to disturb anybody. Suzuki Roshi said one time, if you think you're cleaning the room to clean the room, you don't understand why you're cleaning the room. And I thought, oh, a Zen colon. I didn't understand it. Everything I don't understand, I assume is a Zen colon.

[09:31]

I gave him to Paul. He kept explaining to me. But now I understand. If we have a goal, like getting to the seat, or clearing the room, or getting enlightened, or whatever, we're not really present for the life that we're living. And this is where it comes back to form. Form actually gives us a chance to manifest our life. It's a wonderful thing. And we do it all the time. It could mean offering a stick of incense, It could mean washing the dishes.

[10:43]

It could mean holding your hand in the mudra. It could mean any of the forms. It is, in fact, the way we manifest, everything manifests, emptiness. we are what emptiness looks like. So even if you do the so-called forms in a very peculiar way, you're still manifesting emptiness, but you don't get to enjoy it when the me is there. But when you do the forms, completely no trace, like riding a bicycle or playing basketball when there's a game.

[11:56]

Or even when you practice, maybe. Maybe so. When we offer the incense, completely offer the incense, completely paint Completely wash the dish. Right there without any thought that in 10 minutes you have to be somewhere and you have to be really fast with these dishes. And it doesn't mean that you're that fast. It only means you're completely nowhere for chopping the onions. Completely there for your life. And personally, And personally, my experience is that the only regret, really, that we can have in life is having missed it.

[13:36]

It's also, regret sometimes comes up if you hurt somebody. But mostly, I think, if we miss our own life, what else have we? So the forms are great. It forms a tremendous opportunity to try again and again and again, total repetition, over and over and over again, to pick your little self up and say, Thank you very much. I realize that you are tired of chanting the same stupid thing over and over and over again, but I can set you aside this morning you haven't been a real great advisor to me, most of the time anyway, frankly, can set it aside and really be there for service.

[14:48]

Really chant, full-on chanting. A lot of energy, a lot of vitality. Why? Because a form, it was just offered to you. Like today, we're talking about, are you loosed by or do you use the 24 hours? 24 hours, it comes to us and creates who we are. 7 o'clock in the morning, oh yeah, I'm a chanter. No. That's not right. I'm not a chanter at 7 o'clock in the morning. I'm a worker. I'm a worker. I do Soji. I don't do Soji a lot, but... I've been going to the flop room lately. Does everybody know about those books in the flop room? Are they like classics of science fiction or murder? Are they the classics of murder mysteries there?

[15:51]

They're junk? Junk. So... I didn't really trust myself to go through. That's not a journal that anyone from the universe... Maybe somebody can come with me one morning during surgery, and we can look through the books and see. Although, I don't know, maybe sometime jump. Am I disparaging something? Anyway, it's good for some, I don't know, well, I don't think so. We're in good science fiction, is what we, you know? Well, anyway, you understand what I'm saying? People can't think of a word. I've been looking at those quite a lot lately, because I've been doing it, psychology, when you do it, and I'm looking, and sometimes I do take one off the shelf. I put it in the, put it in the to-be-recycled bin. But I'm getting a little nervous now because I'm not sure if I'm going toward the core, you know, section.

[16:56]

And I don't want to recycle something that someone really isn't willing to. What was I talking about? I forgot. Do you get the picture? Self-forms. So... Just to review, if you have anything that you know about that I'm not going to mention, you could raise your hand and we could see. So when you get up in the morning, brush your teeth. There's a form, okay? Really brush your teeth. Enjoy it. Be there for that. Zazen. Walk slowly and move in there. Don't run to your seat. Okay? Because there's nowhere to go. Ever. It's over here. Sit up straight.

[18:02]

I'm just running down a list. Okay? Sit up straight. The posture is important. Very important. Sit up straight. It makes you look very good from the back when you're sitting up straight. In terms of vanity. Sit up straight. Somebody's got to learn. Do you know that we care about you? Do you know that? Do you know that the Prometheus community really cares about you? Do you all know that? We really do. We really, really do. We try our best. To take care of you in the best way we know how. All right. Sit up straight. Chant with vigor during service. What else? Did I miss a bunch? Kenyon. Yes. What's a good thing?

[19:05]

A reminder for Kenyon. What's a good Kenyon reminder? Coordinate your foot with your breath. Stand up straight. Gassho. What's a form that we like? Bowling. Bowling is a great one. Bowling is a wonderful one. Bow until everything disappears. No looting, no war, just bowing. Did I tell you my bowing story of Sasaki Roshi? I didn't tell you that? I must have. 1970, I was at... I think I'll stop after this story. 1970, I was in Tassara for the summer. 1970, Suzuki Roshi came down, and he was doing these great talks in the Sandoca, which is going to be a book in a minute. It's coming out, like, in November. And I saw it.

[20:05]

Michael has one already. It's a big... Michael E. Giles did a great, great, great job Words in the coming. Let me tell you, it was not easy. Especially those last lectures. How do you do that? I am impressed. Really impressed. Great. Great. Thank you very much. That didn't work. It's coming out soon. Anyway, he gave those talks the summer that I was at Tassajara. And Oka-san was also there. And she was teaching tea. Tea ceremony. And I was taking tea. And... Oh, that's not the story I'm trying to... Oh, yeah, no. So, anyway, the connection is that in the same room that I made a portion of, which is now cabin four of the chasseur, where the chasseur stays, there also were Dougasson in that room. So I was having Dougasson with him, and I asked him, what is a bowing? What is bowing about? It was a new thing for me. I'm Jewish.

[21:05]

We don't bow in Jewish. So it was a new thing for me. I had no idea. I lost him. He was sitting right across from me. I asked him, what about battling? And he got up right then, and he came over to my left, and he started battling like this, right here. And I looked at him like, I hadn't talked to him before. So during Doc's time, he had never done anything like this. And it wouldn't stop. To me, it felt like years. over and over and over again, bowing. And then he sat down right in front of me again. And then we started talking like nothing had happened. And I kept talking to him. I have no idea what we said at all. The only thing I remember was his bowing over here. And it wasn't even like he answered my question, certainly not in words.

[22:08]

But I saw him bow, and that for the rest of the time, for years, even now, sometimes it comes up for me. What is bowing? And then bow, bow, bow. Just throw yourself in. Bow. There are lots of other forms, and I'm not going to mention them because I'm going to say goodnight soon. But please, what we're doing here is helping each other train in this marvelous kind of so-tel-zen training. And one of the world core things that we do are the forms. They're a world help to our own practice and to everybody else. And they are a manifestation, an embodiment of your understanding.

[23:18]

And like Rob is fond of saying all the time, that Suzuki Roshi told him, when you are you, Zen is Zen. When you completely can be yourself, no matter what it looks like, totally there. the world comes alive then. And that's a gift to everybody. That's the gift you give to the people you're practicing with when you're really who you are. Thank you very much.

[24:20]

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