I feel naked without my earrings. I'll tell you a joke. Don't let me do this for the rest of the time, please. There was a... probably a true story. There was a woman who had just got engaged to be married, and she got a big ring, and she was really proud of it, and she went to her office to work, to go to work, and she was, you know, fluttering her ring all over the place and nobody noticed it. I mean, she was fluttering here and there and there and nobody noticed it. So finally, she went over to the window and she threw the window open. She said, my, it's hot in here with this ring on. Oh, gosh. Slow me down.

[01:05]

I had a talk, I do have a talk, actually a four-page talk, which I hope to not last for too long. The reason why I have some energy tonight is because As I said, I had this talk already to speak to you, and we had an interesting talk in our tea, at the end of our tea, and so it sort of threw my talk up into the air. And I want somehow to include what we talked about in our tea tonight. Okay, so here we go. First, I would like to apologize for whatever mistakes I have already made, of which there are a number I can even think of right now.

[02:17]

And to join my imperfectness with yours in this wonderful and outrageous practice that we try to do together. and also to recognize my own wholeness as I hope each of you recognize your wholeness and that we join wholeness to wholeness. In fact, that's where we meet. And in that way we do this wonderful and outrageous practice together. And also, as I used to do when I first started talking in front of people, which is in itself a great gift to me, thank you very much,

[03:25]

I would dedicate whatever good or merit comes out of this talking for the well-being of everyone, me, you, and everyone who's hurting anywhere, and rededicate my life to try to live best I can for the benefit of the release from suffering of everybody. We had lots of announcements today at tea to remind us. It was reading today, yesterday, and today, a little bit.

[04:34]

The seasons are turning. We are all getting older. We're dying in this wonderful turn towards the darkness. We are reminded again of the impermanence of life. Everything is always changing. This year in particular I noticed that I didn't hear the songs of the migrating songbirds. I understand that their habitat is being threatened both in North America and in the South. And I heard them less. So we are change, and we are this huge fluid vastness.

[05:40]

And there is no way in words to describe this truth. When we were studying Vassalbandha, I thought Vassalbandha was the best thing. I still think Vassalbandha is the best thing. But in studying the Sandakai, I now think that the Sandakai is really good. And while studying the Sandakai, what we're seeing is, is we're studying in this vast, huge, changing, the life-death-ness that it is. We can view it from the point of view of difference, variety, form, and we can view it from the point of view of emptiness and oneness, sameness, And when they come together, these two things, when we see them as the same thing, as the same thing, there is no way to describe that.

[07:05]

Because when we speak, we always fall to one side or to the other side. It's really hard to talk about. And what came up in tea today, and if I get some of this wrong, please say something. What I was trying to share in tea today is that for the last month I've been really trying to think of how to talk about a situation where just this suchness is our life and our practice. In the realm of duality... Follow me here for a minute. In the realm of duality there is practice and realization. In the realm of form there is something to get. We have to practice. We have to do that because we suffer. If we didn't suffer it wouldn't make any difference.

[08:05]

It's only because we suffer that we have to practice. In the realm of suchness, not in the realm of emptiness. The way I'm speaking tonight, the realm of emptiness is part of this duality. In the realm of suchness, where things are just as they are, there is no such thing as practice. There is no such thing as delusion. There is no such thing as wisdom. things are just the way they are. And as life comes forward, we just respond. And the less we have concern of self, self-concern, presumably, the clearer we see what is actually in front of us. And therefore, we respond to our life coming forward I have a tendency when I speak evidently to mention that there is something or it sounds like anyway that when I talk it sounds like that I'm saying that there's something to get.

[09:16]

And actually there isn't anything to get. There's just something to let go of. There isn't anything to get and there isn't anything to achieve. And yet, and yet, if we suffer we have to practice. Is this understandable? Am I making sense? A little bit. I said it better at tea, didn't I? When we first, when we start practicing, when we think that we are insufficient and when we feel a lack, at that time we have to make great effort.

[10:32]

We have to first of all make effort to be present, and then we have to make effort to not hold on to what we think is our self, either in terms of the body or in terms of emotion or in terms of thought. That effort needs to be made. First, we need to be present. Then we not identify with the body. Then we not identify with emotion. And then we not identify with thought. Why? Because if you pay attention, we can see that none of that are we in control of. We're not in control of any of it. Excuse me. We're not the body. We're not our emotions. We're not our thoughts. There's nobody there. But we don't know that. So until we know that really clearly, we have to practice. However, in Soto Zen, it says very clearly, Dogen says, that practice and realization are the same thing.

[11:39]

Well, what does he mean? If that were the case, then we in fact don't have to practice. And when we can see, when we can actually see that they are exactly the same thing, it's true, we don't have to practice. So what do they do in Japan in Soto Zen? What they do in Japan in Soto Zen is they say, this is from Eko Narasaki Roshi, they say, just do the forms. Just completely do the forms, and that is awakening. That is realization. Just do the forms. And it's true. Just do your life. There is no problem there, and there's no lack. Just completely be who you are. There's not a problem. So where's the problem? The problem is that if we don't actually feel that way, if there's some doubt, if there's some self-concern, in the world of form, in the world of delusion, there is such a thing as practice and realization.

[13:02]

In that world, if that's the world we're living in, we have to practice. In the Hekiganroku, in case number two, the case is called, The Real Way Is Not Difficult. Hekiganroku is just another compilation of stories. Engo's introduction is, You can't say anything. Then what do you do? He says, You penetrate to the heart And here's the case. He says that because it isn't up here that we penetrate. It's not in the mind. It's in the heart that we understand. Some people in Soto Zen, because Soto Zen says that practice realization is the same, right?

[14:09]

Because we don't make a duality in Soto Zen, we don't say there's something to get. Sometimes people spend a lot of time getting kind of wobbly in a sort of a kind of a soft bliss of emptiness, and they deconstruct everything. Nothing's really happening. It's not really. And I didn't really do anything wrong. It's just empty, so on and so forth. It's a real mistake. And other people get stuck, if it's a Rinzai way where they give you something to get, people get stuck in achieving something. They get caught in the struggle. They get caught in form. That was New York. Did you hear it? That was boring New York. They get caught in form. That's the problem with Rinzai. You struggle all the time. Both of those ways, we just have to realize that we're doing one or the other.

[15:12]

We just have to realize. We have to be awake. We have to pay attention. Where are we going off? What is right effort? Where are we going too much to the struggle? Where is it that we're spending our time in zazen in a kind of a dull bliss state or a vibrant bliss state? It's... It's not in the middle. It's not in the middle way. So he says, penetrate to the heart. And here's the case. Joshu said, the rural way is not difficult. It only abhors choice and attachment. With but a single word there may arise choice and attachment, there may arise clarity." Attachment, of course, he means relative, and clarity he means awake or the absolute.

[16:15]

And then he says, this old monk does not have that clarity. He's saying he doesn't have any attachment to the Absolute. And then he says, do you appreciate this or not? And the monk says... And what he means by that is he means, do you value an attitude if not sticking anywhere? So the monk says, if you do not have that clarity, What do you appreciate?" He caught him. He said, he's implying that Joshu is kind of getting stuck in valuing not being stuck.

[17:19]

So Joshu says, So the monk says, if you do not have that clarity, what do you appreciate? And Joshu says, I don't know that either. And then the monk says, if you don't know, how can you say you don't have that clarity? Meaning, if he doesn't know, then why do you still say that you do not abide in clarity? So he catches Joshu. But Joshu had to say something so he gets caught in clarity. So then Joshu says, asking is good enough. Now bow and go away. Joshu says, it's good logic, but now you must realize it in the body.

[18:27]

So, where do I join this today? There are lots of ways to travel this path. When we're merged, that's the doro part of sundokai. When we're merged, we think everything is okay. We don't have any problems, everything's fine. And when we're in the realm of san, or differences, we have some problem there. And when we have differences and difficulty, there's a kind of anxiety that goes on. This has to do with relationships. What we usually do is we want to push away the anxiety.

[19:33]

We can't stand that kind of difference. So what we do is we either adjust ourselves. Women do this all the time. We push ourselves down to make the situation okay. Or we try to get the other person to accommodate to try to understand our point of view. One is denying and one is grasping. And we do it because we can't stand still in the middle of anxiety, in the middle of this feeling of separation, slight movement, separation. But can we just stand there and wait and not come from that place of anxiety and just wait? If we know that form and emptiness are together and can just stand there and wait, then we can just respond to what's in front of us

[20:50]

When we do that, we're not making a judgment about practice or realization. We're just responding. Our life is just coming at us from the moment. There's no self-concern there anymore. And when there's no self-concern there, There can be attachment, there can be feelings of separation, there can be the entire world of duality, but it's different. And that's what's meant by mountains are mountains, mountains are not mountains, and then mountains are mountains again. But when mountains are mountains again, when things are just the way they are again, when sun and dough are the same, the world of suchness appears.

[22:00]

Well, I'm going to skip to the end of my talk. I am just learning to talk about this stuff, and I'm not doing it very well. But it's fun to try. This is a poem by Dogen. It's about suchness. It's called the point of zazen. The essential function of Buddha's activity. The functioning essence of every ancestor.

[23:12]

They're describing suchness, okay? It moves along with non-thinking. Cut it off. Throw it away. The burden, you can put it down. It's so much easier without it. And it is completed in the realm of non-merging. Okay? So the realm of non-thinking is the Absolute, and the realm of non-merging is form. Okay? So the Absolute is completed in the realm of form. As it moves along with your non-thinking, its appearance is immediate. It's intimate. You don't have to look for anything. There's nothing lacking but that we think so. That's all.

[24:20]

We just think something. I should keep reading the book. As it is concluded in the realm of non-merging, completeness itself is realization. If its appearance is immediate, you have no defilement. When completeness is realization, you stay in neither the general nor the particular. That's Sandokai. If you have immediacy without defilement, immediacy is dropping away with no obstacles. Realization, neither general nor particular, that's Sandokai, right, is effort without desire. Cooler water all the way to the bottom.

[25:27]

A fish swims like a fish. Vast sky, transparent throughout. A bird flies like a bird. So I guess what I want to say is, it's like Bao Che, you know, at the end of the Genjo Koan. It's true, practice realization is not just one. It's like it's not even just one, that even that is saying too much. And he has to fan. So suffering is real.

[26:30]

You know, that's what the Buddha taught. There is such a thing as suffering. It's true. And there is a reason for it. This sense of separation, the sense of lack. It's just a sense of lack. And they say, We can go beyond suffering. We don't have to keep holding to suffering. And then there's the path, and we've got to walk the path. We have to walk the path. And then the path is like not even there. You put your foot down and the path appears. You put your foot down and the path appears. There's nothing we need do.

[27:34]

So, thank you for listening to me. I am trying to talk about this nonsense. I'm trying to understand how to do it in my own words, And I'm trying to clarify it for myself. And practicing with you and talking helps me clarify it, and it helps me to ingest something and then try to speak it in a way that's encouraging and helpful to people, which I'm not so sure I did tonight. But I appreciate you letting me try. each one of us in our own way continue our practice together.

[28:44]

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