I vow to chase the truth of the Thakur's words. Good morning. Good morning. So it's the sixth day of Sashihin. And this is our last full day of sitting.

[01:13]

And tomorrow we have a little different schedule. And we pack up and the Sashihin ends in the afternoon. So you may find that your mind is sallying forth into, you know, what's going to be and when I get home, and work on Monday, and not wanting to leave, or wanting to leave, all sorts of falling back and sallying forth, perhaps. So I think it's important on the sixth day to stay close to the Sashihin forms,

[02:19]

continue practicing silence very thoroughly, eyes cast down as you're walking around, and just watch how, you know, the conditions of it being the sixth day are helping to create waves and rustling. I don't know about for you, but probably the pain that you've been experiencing

[03:23]

has changed quite a bit over the last days. For me, that hip socket, lower back on the left side has shifted, changed, it's different. And I know many of you are having some difficulties with your knees. When I got home for my, actually after the last period last night, I got home and my son Devi was sitting on the couch with his leg extended and an ice bag on his knee, having injured himself at soccer, in a soccer practice. So there he was with an ice bag, and somehow it seemed like, where was I? Was he in Sashihin too? Yesterday, Reb was saying right at the end of his talk

[04:39]

that he had many more things that he wanted to say and talk about with us. And I, for one, was very open to hearing those things. Not necessarily yesterday at that time, but I'm eager and open to hearing. And I reflected on the fact that it was my turn to give the talk and did I have anything that I wanted to say? Is there anything really strongly coming up in me that I wanted to impart? So I think one of the conditions for me

[05:43]

is not necessarily feeling that I have anything really that I want to say strongly unless somebody asks me. And when somebody asks me, I have lots of things to say sometimes. So one thing I did want to talk about is posture. Several people talked with me about how it felt to be adjusted, to have their posture adjusted or, I guess, adjusted. During, while sitting. And, you know, the description was, and I know this for myself too, you feel like you're sitting along like this and someone comes and adjusts your back

[06:43]

and then you feel like you're like this. And you think, how could this possibly be straight? And then you try to hold that and then pretty soon you come back to how it was that you were before, which you're not exactly sure anymore what that looks like, but it feels straight. And then someone may correct you again, you know. So the word posture comes from the word to place or to put. So maybe posture isn't exactly the right word because to place ourselves in a certain way or put ourselves, maybe just by the putting or placing, we'll be off in some way.

[07:45]

Off meaning out of balance. But it's very familiar. We're very comfortable that way. We actually, we don't know, we actually don't know what straight is or what upright is. And we may be making, and I think we are making, seeing someone sitting not necessarily straight but making very sincere effort and practicing very hard is very inspiring, whether you're perfectly straight or not. And then there's some touch somewhere and some part of you comes alive that was somehow in a blind spot or you didn't even know that area of your body had sensory receptors or something, you know. It feels like a new world, a new world.

[08:50]

So this posture that we put ourselves in or place ourselves in, often we hold ourselves in that way because of all our, due to all the causes and conditions of our life, this is how we sit. And when someone awakens some part of you by touch or a suggestion and there's some almost spontaneous response to that, just a lifting or an opening or shifting, we can feel kind of new life come flowing into that area. And there may be also new emotion that flows in as well and maybe some painful feelings which we had been very successfully able to guard ourselves from

[09:56]

through holding or putting ourselves in a particular way, particular place. So to actually shift and open and have new consciousness and not just consciousness but blood consciousness flow through, it may be, well, very frightening and you may feel very upset because you're feeling, you may be feeling lots of things that you didn't want to feel you were keeping yourself from feeling. So even though the way we put ourselves, the posture we habitually put ourselves in

[10:56]

may not be particularly healthy for us or upright, just because it's familiar we may cling to it and want to return to that way. It's familiar, we know about it, we know what it's like and we're okay there. So it takes, and I was telling someone, a couple of people I think, that it takes a certain courage or heart to sit upright, to allow yourself to feel what there is to feel. And while I was thinking about this, I had this vision, and I think it's from like a Psychology 101, this picture of this rhesus monkey, which you probably have seen it also,

[12:01]

this little baby rhesus monkey, clinging to this wire cage, which in some experiment or another was fashioned as a surrogate mother and food was put in the cage or around this, not exactly cage, but this wire figure and the monkey got its food, it was taken from its mother and it got its food from this, in the proximity of this wire figure and imprinted on this and clung to this wire thing. And I remember looking at that picture of this monkey, beautiful monkey, it has those very big eyes and just a little baby

[13:07]

clinging with all its might to this wire being. And then the next part of the experiment was that they brought the food to a real monkey, a fuzzy, warm, monkey-smelling monkey, maybe even the monkey's mother, I can't remember, but at that point the little baby would not, couldn't go to this real monkey. It was very unfamiliar, the sounds, the smells, the tastes and the touchables, and it preferred to go back to this wire figure. And there's something about that,

[14:13]

you know, when I first saw this and allowed, first of all, the experiment itself to kind of come in, I remember feeling very angry that these experiments were done at all to baby rhesus monkeys and then this unutterable sadness that, you know, the baby couldn't return to its home, couldn't go back to its own family. And on further, this is all a mental picture now as I don't have the book, but in further kind of studying this this morning, what came up was the anger kind of dropped away and it was just feeling, seeing that monkey clinging,

[15:20]

just feeling all the effort and the love that was there and the sincere going for help and and and the life force that was there, even though you might say, this is totally diluted, you know, this monkey is diluted clinging to this wire figure that has no, you know, softness, it's not breathing, but that clings, you know. But the effort that's there and the sincerity just shown through. So that's how I feel about myself sometimes

[16:27]

or about all of us sitting that when we're offered the real monkey, you know, the real soft, glossy, good smelling monkey with food, even it's too strange, you know, it's, you can't trust it. And so we would rather go back to what's familiar, the familiar, even though it may not be so beneficial, it may not feel all that great, but at least it's familiar, you know, at least it's got that going for it. So as we, you know, each period return to our posture and not only in our periods of sasen,

[17:31]

but walking, sitting, lying down on our breaks as we return each moment to our posture, can we clearly see what is there and clearly observe? And even if it's scary and unpleasant and we don't like it, can we not pick or choose according to that? So another word that I actually thought

[18:33]

was from the same root of posture when I looked it up, it isn't, is the word poise. Somehow I thought poise, posture, it probably comes from the same thing. But poise has a whole other root and comes from another direction. Poise, it's very interesting, comes from the root for something that means also to stretch out. Remember we're talking about to tend. Poise comes from the root that means like spin, to spin or stretch out, spindle, spider. And it has to do with pendulous and hanging, hanging or carrying or holding in equilibrium or balance. Now I remember in junior high school

[19:34]

we had home economics. The boys would go to shop and the girls would go to home ec. And there was three sections, there was cooking, sewing and then the third one was called related arts. And in related arts we learned about home decorating and the color wheel, which colors go together well, hot and cold colors. And then there was also this kind of unit on posture and carrying ourselves while we would practice with a book on our head, walking. And also poise, poise was like, poise was the quintessential attribute of a developed and finished being, woman, I think is what they're talking about.

[20:36]

To be poised was, you could not be, you couldn't top being poised. And poised, it was to be balanced and stable. And also it means freedom from affectation or embarrassment, dignity of manner, assurance and composure. And it comes from this, both to weigh and also this stretching out, which I think is from this heaviness, the weight that stretches things out and then weighing and the balance. I think the balance was taken by weights that you'd hold. Anyway, if you can imagine all those kind of a cluster of ideas around it, balance, weight, hovering

[21:41]

and then free from affectation and stable and composed. Sounds great, doesn't it? I mean, what could be better than being poised? So I actually thought, well, maybe poise, but then it also has the meaning of kind of being like on the edge of a cliff, like poised, ready to kind of fall over. But maybe that's a closer word for taking our sitting, for our sitting is to be poised, find our composure and our stability and balance without putting ourselves someplace or placing ourselves to allow all the causes and conditions of our life to express themselves, free from affectation or embarrassment.

[22:44]

It is embarrassing sometimes to have your posture corrected, don't you think? You feel a person's coming down the row and you think, oh no, where's my mudra? Where's my back? How are my legs? Are my ears here? Where are my teeth? You know, kind of embarrassed if we still have teeth. So, poised. And poised to me feels like ready, you know? Poised is completely ready and stable and composed. So, you know, I said to someone who was having a lot of difficulty with fidgeting and restlessness and itches all over them and thinking they could just not itch so much and then they could sit. And what came up for me in the practice discussion

[23:48]

was Suzuki Roshi saying, find your composure right there. It's not that you get rid of all the itches, you can't really as a human body get rid of itchy places. Can you find your composure right there within itchiness and restlessness and clinging? Can you find your composure within clinging too? Now, some people are finding they're very restless and can't find their seat, let's say. And then there are other people in the sasheen who are so, they have found their seat so strongly that the seat has like dropped through the tan and is going down into Green Gulch Valley Earth. Really. So lots, you know, your sasheen,

[24:52]

each person's sasheen has its own past, present and future and you can't exchange anything. You can't exchange yours for somebody else's. And each, everyone's sasheen shares completely one mind and studying the self. And if the self is fidgety and itchy, you study that and find your composure there. Poise within itchiness. And if it's leaden and heavy, you find your composure there. I just remembered sitting Tangario at Tassajar in September, which is fly season, and there are these little flies, teeny flies that like moist areas, mostly around the eyes and the mouth and the ears too.

[25:52]

And, you know, that, it was like, who could have fashioned more of a kind of torture situation than sitting in the zenda with little flies coming to play on your eyelids and in your ears and in around your nose, your nostrils. I remember one person got this wet washcloth and said, put it over their head. Sitting there, but the Eno asked them to remove it. So can you find your composure while flies are dancing in your ears, literally. And I, believe it or not, by the end of my years at Tassajara when the flies walked across the eyelid, right very close to where the eyelash comes out, you know, right down, I actually, I swear, would kind of enjoy it. You could feel the little feet

[26:55]

kind of walk, walk, walk, walk all along and back and forth. And it was, the sensation itself, I think the thought of a fly playing on my eyelid was, you know, worse than the actual sensation of these little feet. So, you know, you can get used to anything. Human beings can really, we're very adaptable. And not preferring that the flies went on somebody else or went back somewhere to their nest or wherever flies live, feeling that I had dropped, really, I didn't prefer one way or the other. If they wanted to come play there or on my setsu tip, you know, they like that too. That was pretty hard for some people too. They would hide their setsu tip under their robes, you know. Anyway, to actually feel like it didn't, I didn't care, particularly.

[27:57]

So, freedom from affectation or embarrassment. Dignity of manner. You know, I was once doing some work for a Zen center in an office, and I won't say where the office is. It was like a downtown San Francisco kind of office. And I was the Zen center official trying to do some of this official paperwork that had to be done. And the person in the office, and our Zen center lawyer was there, so the two of us were there. And the person in the office was speaking about this matter. And I had something to add and began to speak about the student situation.

[29:09]

And the official said, you shut up and sit down. And I remember I was shocked. I was like stunned. And I did shut up and sit down. And I had enormous pain rising and waving over me to be treated that way when I was the secretary of Zen center and trying to do this official thing. But I think it was a gender thing, actually, because the Zen center lawyer was given full permission to add. So this you shut up and sit down was, you know... Finding my composure in shut up and sit down,

[30:18]

and I didn't find composure. I think I was so shocked that I just kept my mouth shut. But I didn't want to keep my mouth shut, but I didn't also want to be talked to like that, so I kept my mouth shut. Anyway, so finding the voice and finding the invitation. Is there invitation to speak? And whether there's invitation or not, when to speak and when not to speak is a practice for me and hopefully for all of us. When is it the right time to speak and when is that too much? Now, I don't want to speak disparagingly

[31:19]

about this official because that instance, that thing that happened to me was of great benefit to see, for me to show me where I needed to work, what was undeveloped, what was weak and not free from embarrassment and not composed. So it was a big help for me, and nine bows to this middle-level, functionary guy who I actually felt afterwards had a very difficult situation probably in that office. Maybe he wasn't going to ever have another work situation and he didn't like it and whatever. So whatever it is that thus comes, including someone saying,

[32:21]

shut up and sit down, is Buddhadharma that's coming. Buddhadharma coming to help me, coming to help you. And that means right now, for each one of us, whatever it is right now that's coming is coming to help you. Make no mistake about that. Don't make the mistake of thinking any other way. Not leaving out one sound, sensation, thought, touchable, smellable, hearable.

[33:23]

Right now. Not leaving anything out. Right now. Whatever is coming is for you to help you wake up, to help me wake up. And you don't have to seek it. It will come to you. It's coming. Can't you feel it right now? Can you hear it? So for me, this session has been the first time that I've ever given more than one Dharma talk.

[34:28]

Usually, the session for me is a receiving. I receive the teachings from who's ever leading the session. And I'm in receptive mode. And I receive the zazen, the food. I feel very in receiving mode. And this session, I've been asked to not... Well, I've been asked to sit down and shut up as well. As we all have, right? Keep the silence, follow the schedule. Sit down, shut up. So I've been asked to do that. But I've also been asked to speak. So, giving and receiving speech, what is it that thus comes?

[35:30]

So I wanted you to help me with something. I had a dream yesterday. I took a little nap during breakfast break. And I had a wonderful dream. And I was reminded of Brother David Stendelrost. Some of you may know him. He's a Benedictine? Benedictine, yeah? Brother, a monk. And he takes his dreams very seriously. And there's this story of him being at New Camaldoli Hermitage and having a dream about swinging on a swing. And there happened to be a swing on the ground somewhere, but not that close to where the sleeping quarters were. And it was a rainstorm going on that night. And he got up, he got dressed, he went out into the rain and found that swing and swung, and went swinging on the swing as a way of expressing the truth of this dream.

[36:40]

So the dream that I had yesterday, there was a ceremony going on with friends and family. And it was the Sabbath, it was Friday night. And one of my cousins wanted to light candles to usher in the Sabbath, the day of rest. And I haven't been observing the Sabbath in that way, so I tried to find some candles. But then I did have some wine to make the blessing over the wine, so I brought that out. And then everyone started singing. And when my alarm went off to wake up Vrsazen, the song that they were singing, these were the words of the song. The lyric was, You know the words of the song. You know the words of the song.

[37:44]

So I thought, and there was a tune to it, and I thought we could maybe sing that. I would really love to hear us all singing this song. And it's very simple. The melody, as I recalled, was very simple. I'm kind of going to go like this to see the notes. You know the words of the song. That's the little melody, okay? Should we try it? I'll do it again. You know the words of the song. Let's try it a little bit higher. You know the words of the song. You know the words of the song. You know the words of the song.

[38:55]

You know the words of the song. You know the words of the song. So when I woke up with that, I realized you know the words of the song. You all know the words of the song, and I know the words of the song. But it's a strange new song, and we may not yet be able to settle right there. But we know the words of the song.

[39:56]

And Rev's been singing all week, and you all have been singing all week. So thank you so much for joining me in that. I really, really appreciate that. So let's close by singing another song that we know. May they have intention.

[40:25]

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