I vow to taste the truth and learn to fight as best as it works. Good evening, everybody. Kirsten. Good evening. Olga. Olga. Marty. Marty is here. Norma is here. Vivian is here, right? And Dick is here. And Leslie is here. Walter. Fran. Lee Riggs, I saw a minute ago. Rosie.

[01:00]

So just to review very briefly, the homework assignment, and we'll go into that in the course of what happens with this one. So we've been talking about the nature of mind as luminous and basically altruistic and undefiled, except that because of habits over a very long period of time, we make it look quite different from that. So to try to regain this nature of mind, we work at developing this which we call bodhicitta, the awakened mind or the awakened attitude

[02:14]

or the awakened thought of awakening. And we do that by practicing, first of all, aspiring to it, psyching ourselves up, making vows and aspirations in that direction, and then practicing the six paramitas. And the first of the six paramitas is the paramita of giving, which we practiced for one week. And now that we've mastered that, we're on to the second paramita, which is the shila paramita, or the paramita of morality. And as I was saying, there's lots of different ways to talk about morality, but in this class I'm kind of following along with Shantideva's program, mostly. And in Shantideva's approach to morality, he really emphasizes, he says, you know, the most important thing, everything comes from mind and attitude.

[03:18]

So one approach to morality is to have rules about how you conduct yourself with your body and your speech. And this is, you know, very important, not that we ignore this. But for the bodhisattva, let's look at, especially to develop this mind, let's look at how we work with mind in morality. And the way we work with mind, he says, is we have to develop three faculties. First of all, a conscientious spirit. In other words, we're actually very actively, we have an attitude of really actively endeavoring to have a mind that's thinking and aspiring to wholesome things and try to let go of a mind that aspires to unwholesome things, a mind that is angry, jealous, lazy, and so on. We're trying to, as much as we can, let go of such a mind and instead have a mind that's energetic and has a good wish

[04:21]

for others, et cetera, et cetera. So in other words, we actually have to have that attitude of diligence. So that's the first thing, the attitude of diligence. And the second thing is awareness in the sense of remembering, because we have an attitude of diligence but we constantly forget, you know, the day goes on and we forget, you know, this aspiration and we're thoughtless. And naturally all kinds of neutral and negative mental states arise, so we have to keep remembering what we're working on. So that's the second thing, is remembering. You see, there have been so many in our lives and in the lives of those around us, there have been so many, many, many teensy thought moments of thoughtless and negative

[05:25]

activity that it accumulates over time. That's why it's much more likely for most of us that any mind that arises in a given moment will be full of these problems rather than the awakened mind because of all the accumulated past. And so we have to work against that and create wholesomeness. So that's the second one, is remembering over and over again to kind of go against the grain in a way and try to promote positive dharmas. And the third one is a mind that discriminates between and knows the difference between negative states of mind and positive states of mind, that can actually identify and look at itself and say, aha, this is something that leads to that, this is not positive, this is not something I want to encourage, this is something positive, let's go more in this direction, that kind of thing, which is very important to have that skill. It takes some study, some

[06:30]

introspection and so on. It has the problem for us, I have learned through experience, my own and talking to many other people, it has the problem of bringing with it often judgment. So if we identify negative states of mind in ourselves, then very often the next thing we do is start judging ourselves and complaining about ourselves and putting ourselves down, which is not a positive frame of mind at all, because rather than then going on to create positive mental states, we go downhill, right? Because, oh no, there I am, I'm angry again, I'm no good, I can't do anything, this does not lead to positive action. So therefore I was saying that if you find in your practice with these things that this is what happens, then you're better off not trying to discriminate in different states of mind, but simply to be aware of the state of mind that you are presently with, regardless of whether it's

[07:30]

positive or negative, not to make such a judgment, but just be present with whatever state of mind is there. And then we have the analogy of the drunken mad elephant. Remember that the mind is like a drunken mad elephant crashing around destructively, stomping on things and creating havoc, and it is the mind, such a mind is tamed with the rope of remembrance or mindfulness, and no, it's tethered to positive action with the rope of mindfulness and it's tamed with the hook of discriminative mental discrimination, this third one. I'm using different terms, but do you understand what I just said? In terms of the three minds? Okay. So, and then I was saying that we always need to apply the rope, lest the elephant run amok, but sometimes when we apply the hook of discriminative awareness, we draw blood

[08:33]

and then the elephant is disturbed, so it's better to put the hook aside for a while and then later on, when the elephant is more calm because of being tethered for a long time, you can take out the hook and so gently it might work a little better. Do you remember all that? That was what we were talking about. Okay, now, so then I was saying the thing is now look at all of that. Let's look at that. Let's spend a week studying these things in our actual conduct. In the meditation hall, one can study in a very minute and subtle way. During the rest of the day, one can also study the mind and see, do you discover anything? Can you do a practice like this? If you can, what do you discover? And so forth. So that's what we will discuss with each other now in the next few minutes. And I want to, I don't know if I said it here, but just always to make clear that first of all if you're a visitor

[09:37]

in the class or new to the class and you didn't do the homework, then you can simply speak when it's your turn about your reaction to any of this or your understanding of any of this. Also, somebody may want to just stop at one of the paramitas. Did I say this in here? In other words, suppose last week you started on giving, you were practicing giving and you thought, boy, you know, I hardly even scratched the surface into going on to the next one. Well, you don't have to. You can spend the whole six weeks practicing giving if you like. And if you do that, or stopping at any one, say this week, maybe you did the practice this week and you found it difficult or interesting or more to it, then you can stop right here and practice this practice of morality for the rest of the class. And if you do that, then just tell your partner, I'm not going to talk about patience or energy. Instead, I'm still practicing giving and I want to talk about that. So just so you know

[10:41]

that you, that's all right to do that. Okay, so the way this works, just to remind you again of the ground rules, is that you find somebody next to you that can be your partner. And then first I'll strike the bell. I lost all my bells, you know. I had all these meditation bells. I did it with them. Was anybody in here in the guest program cleaning the yurt? I think I left it in the yurt. See it? Little symbols. I had them on Sunday when we were doing that retreat in there. This is testimony to my mindfulness practice. I had three little meditation bells, three of them, and I can't, I don't know where any of them are. So anyway, but I did find this other one, not mine, but from the Zen Dojo. And I'll strike the bell and that'll be a signal for the first person in the group to start talking. And then you talk for about

[11:43]

three minutes or so. And then I'll strike the bell and the second person talks. Now you shouldn't discuss, really. Just let the person talk and then you listen. And then the second person talks and the first person listens. And then when we're finished, I'll ask for hands of those who have heard interesting things and important things in your discussion. So you're always reporting on what your partner has presented. It's all confidential. We're not going to refer to or talk about what so-and-so said or felt last week. Also, if you don't feel comfortable describing, you know, intimate situations, you can find a way to speak about it that's a little more distanced. And I hope we all feel safe with one another talking. So those are basically the ground

[12:44]

rules. So would everybody please find a partner? There's usually someone right next to you. Excuse me. Does everybody have one? Raise your hand if you do not have a partner. Raise your hand again if you do. Okay. Here's two people without partners. Everybody else has a partner? You do not have a partner? Anybody else who doesn't have a partner? One person? Okay. Come be my partner. Come be my partner. Oh, you do? Oh, okay. Be partners. So what did you hear that was interesting or useful? Or both? Anybody? Secrets. Secrets? Yes. It's not that difficult

[13:59]

to get to consciousness and mindfulness and some discrimination, feeling that, you know, one wants to change this or this is not acceptable or something, and some pain around that. But it's harder to not sweep it under the carpet and know what to do with it once we discover it. What to do with it once we see the pattern. Yeah. Anybody else? No? We have 19 different reports. Yeah. I heard from my partner that she's been presented with a lot of situations that one after the other that might be just interpreted as negative or limiting or in any case where she didn't have many options about dealing with them and that somehow that situation called forth some

[15:05]

acceptance, which she was associating with Donna, but letting go of things that are important or have been important in life and just taking each moment as it came without planning and saying, well, now I must be accepting. And the great advantages of suffering. Yes. Yeah, no choice, right? No choice is a great teacher. Yes. I heard that it can be hard to work with the state when right away the opinion comes in that I shouldn't be this way, that in a way it blocks feeling what is actually the state, if it's anger or jealousy, and that maybe it wouldn't last

[16:08]

as long or be as entangling if there wasn't this whole other added aspect of, which I wasn't knowing, I shouldn't be this way. Yeah, that's a wonderful point. Of course, we all discover that, that's that extra little piece that prolongs the state of mind, that if you take away that piece of it, then the state of mind, like everything else, that goes away automatically all the sooner if we don't do that. Yeah, it's a wonderful point. Yeah. I heard a story about a decision to go toward this good area with such resolve that my partner said he was going to,

[17:10]

even if he died, he was going to go. And the problem that was motivating this at that point disappeared. So I heard this as a combination of maybe letting go and conscientious. I heard that there's a certain joy and even a freedom that you get when you attempt to practice what you were teaching last week, that is in discussing some problems with one of your children at a difficult time, rather than react in your typical way, which sometimes can be offensive or argumentative. You're very conscious and you're present not to do that, and to be

[18:13]

giving and to be giving to yourself and giving to your child while you're listening. And what a great relief that is from these former feelings you've had. And there's a good deal of enlightenment that comes to you in that process. Yeah, what arises in the mind that might be a lot more accurate and useful for you. Yeah. Yeah, I mean the question of what to do. So you notice afflictive states of mind arising. You have a desire to be diligent. You remember to work on it. You can tell the difference between afflictive states of mind and positive states of mind. What do you do? Then what? Which was the question that came from over here, then what? And there's no, I mean the answer we would like is something like, well all you have to do is, and then it's all done. But

[19:15]

it's not quite like that because those thoughts come from conditions. That's why they're there. They're there because of the past influences of the mind. And those influences of the mind must play themselves out. There's no instant fix for them. So however, what we do is we continually make more trouble in very subtle ways, and sometimes not so subtle ways. And so the effort that we're making is the effort to actually just meet the results of the conditions as they appear without making more. And we're so used to making more, it's on such a subtle level that it's very difficult to stop making more. So that's what we're trying to do is stop making. If we stop making more, actually that's 99% of it. Because what arises is actually not so bad. If we're just

[20:17]

there to meet it, it's not so bad. It's that incredibly ingrained habit of making more that is so disturbing. And so we have to be just present enough to just experience the afflictive state of mind, and automatically there's a certain degree of peacefulness within it. And it will fall away. You can just be open to it and let it be there. But so many times we have no idea that we're angry or frustrated or whatever. We don't even know that. So first we have to know, have some awareness of what our states of mind are, and that's what this is all about. On the theory that if we understand the states of mind that are arising and we choose to emphasize the positive, it'll change our mind and change our behavior. So did you find it on the whole difficult to do this? Or did you find it, was it illuminating? Was it, who found it difficult? Anybody find it difficult? Yeah. Hard to see it?

[21:24]

Hard to remember? Yeah. Hard to work with that? Yeah. Oh yeah. Mind, moment after moment. Yeah. Did anybody find it, despite its difficulty, illuminating? Did you learn more about the way your mind works than you knew before? I mean our effort, you know, in dharma studies is not to be, I mean it's, you know, we're not trying to be like really interested in our way our mind works. Not so interested. A little interested. But not so interested. Well, the right amount is to keep the, what we're trying to do in mind. What we're trying to do is not be stuck on ourselves. In other words, you can get so interested in all your little things that come up that you're just completely obsessed with yourself and how your mind works. Which would be the opposite of what we're trying to do in dharma. And trying to do, what we're trying to do in dharma is we're trying to let go of ourself, right? And see ourself for what it really is, which is a bunch of stuff that arises and passes away. It's actually, we're no more wedded to ourself or close to ourself than we are to a

[22:31]

cloud, actually. That's the truth. It's just that we tend to over, you know, think of ourself more than we think of a cloud, which is our problem, right? That's our problem. So that's why I hesitate to, you know, this is important to bring this up, but I'm trying to say is don't get too excited. Don't think that from now on you need to like, you know, be concerned about everything that arises in your mind. There's a point to this, and the point is to be able to work with your mind. Have some pliability and some sense of workability in the afflictive emotions that arise. Because we get so caught, right? I mean, we all know this, right? We get so caught and so stuck in what arises in the mind, and we feel as if there's no choice and nothing we can do about it. It isn't so. Actually, you can work with mind. No, it really makes a huge difference to do zazen, to meditate. And without that practice, I don't think you could get too far in these kinds of practices,

[23:32]

because you really have to have a practice like that, where you just let go of everything, and there's just big space, and only a few things are coming, so then you can really work with them. Without that, it's very difficult. And probably, in a way, it's most successful to work with this kind of thing in zazen, which you can do just by labeling your thoughts as they arise, without trying to come up with exact categories, but just notice a thought, label it, and let it go. Come back to your breath and posture. Notice a thought, label it, let it go, and come back to your breath and posture. And that way, you can begin to see, without looking too hard, different patterns of minds that arise. And of course, they're different for each one of us, depending on our conditioning. We all have a different stream of conditioning. Okay, so the next one, now that we have finished that one, the next one is patience. Patience. Giving, morality, patience, energy, concentration, and wisdom. Now we're on patience. So Shantideva

[24:40]

goes to great lengths, and everybody who reads this chapter always gets upset to hear Shantideva talk about how bad it is to get angry. The opening verse is shocking, you know. He says in this chapter, the first verse is, whatever wholesome deeds, such as venerating the Buddhas in generosity, that have been amassed over a thousand eons, you got that? All the wholesome deeds that you might have produced over many lifetimes, over a thousand, not a thousand years, a thousand eons, will all be destroyed in one moment of anger. Now this is shocking, you know, and you know, it's horrifying to think of it. But actually, the commentators backpedal quite a bit from this,

[25:44]

and they say, well, it's true that certain kinds of meritorious deeds are wiped out by a moment of anger, but other kinds actually persist, despite the moment of anger. Like if you see the nature of emptiness, anger doesn't wipe that out. One moment of anger won't wipe that out. If you see, if you have attainments in meditation, anger won't wipe that out either. So that's nice, that's encouraging. And then other commentators said, well, yes, it's true that a moment of anger will do that, but only if you're angry at the wrong person, like Buddha or something. It depends on who you're angry at. So they say very cleverly, you know, Tibetan commentators are extremely clever. They say, now the thing is that what you don't want to do is be angry for a moment at a great Bodhisattva, because that's when you'll destroy all your merit. Whereas if you're angry at a normal, ordinary person, it doesn't matter all that much. However, the thing is that you don't know which one is the Bodhisattva. So just, you know, don't get angry at anybody, even though if you do get angry at

[26:50]

somebody, it may not be the one that you shouldn't have gotten angry at. So, but the point of it is of course, it's a great shocking statement that Shantideva opens with, and the point he's trying to make is, you know, it's really bad to have this kind of afflictive emotion. Now, when we read this chapter in detail, many people point out, well, there are good things about anger. We all could say what the positive things are about anger, especially if anger is transformed into a kind of actually an energy, rather than anger. So the energy with which, you know, the example is always given, the mother who gets furious with the child for, you know, running out in front of the car and grabs the child, you know, in fury. That fury, the energy of that fury is a positive thing because it's generated toward an altruistic motive in regard to the child. So all that aside, the main point here is there's frustration. That's what causes anger to arise, right?

[27:52]

Frustration happens, and then we lash out in anger. When we lash out in anger, we have moved away from the actual experience of the frustration that we're feeling, and we're now involved in the creation of nasty conditions for the future. So we're not doing what we were just trying to practice last week. We're no longer, you know, aware of what kinds of afflictive states of mind are arising, noticing the difference between positive and negative ones. We've let all that go, and now we're like running in the direction of kind of bad vibes, hell, disaster, so on. Yeah? Is Guru Shantideva referring to acting out your anger or simply having anger arise? No, when he says anger, he really means being overcome by anger, acting it out, letting it run wild, and justifying it, and making it into something, which is different from just like anything else. A moment of anger arising is something that comes as a result of conditions,

[28:56]

so we can't stop that. I mean, we can do things in such a way that in the future such moments will be less likely, but when such a moment arises at that time, there's nothing to be done to get rid of it. The question is, do you go with that kind of anger, or do you allow it to be, be aware of it, and don't go with it? And that's what he's talking about, when you go with it, when you lose it, like we say, I lost it, you know? So that's what he's talking about. Now, the antidote to this, so we get frustrated. Because of frustration we get angry. Why do we get frustrated? We get frustrated because we have an idea about the way that reality should be arranged now, right? It's supposed to be this way, so it's not that way, so we're frustrated. And usually we wanted something, we didn't get it, or we didn't want something and

[29:56]

we got it, and we would rather not have it. So we're frustrated, and in our frustration we're angry. You know, kind of the classical anger is when we point to somebody else and we say, it's your fault, you know, I now am actively after you because you did this to me. But if you take a step back from that, the thing is that it's not that person's fault particularly, it's just that what I expected to be reality at this moment was not what it was, and I'm frustrated in a major way by that, and usually it has to do with conditions were impinging on what I take to be my territory in a way that I find threatening or less enhancing than I would have liked. So, therefore, frustration and anger occur. So, now the antidote to this whole situation is the practice of patience, and patience is nuts. I mean, you know, usually we don't really have

[30:57]

a notion of patience really. Patience just means to us, don't be impatient. You know, like if somebody says be patient, what they mean is stop being impatient. They don't really mean like develop a particular positive quality called patience. They just mean stop being impatient. But actually, patience is taken to be a particular very strong and positive quality, the quality of endurance or forbearance, the ability to kind of like stay with something, move through a difficult situation with a kind of strength and endurance. So, it's a very positive and very important quality in a way. Sometimes they call patience the armor of the Bodhisattva in the positive sense that it's patience that allows the person moving in the direction of the full development of bodhichitta to survive all the perils that would occur along the way of that. Perils mostly coming from one's own mind and heart. If you are patient, then you can endure these difficulties and even

[31:59]

turn them to advantage. So, this is what patience is all about. So, it requires, I mean, the characteristics of patience as a positive quality of the mind and heart are spaciousness, you know, big enough space within ourselves to admit these difficulties and have enough room to contain them, a kind of openness not to being running away from or avoiding difficulties and a sense of that it's not necessary to fix everything. So, misery occurs and we don't feel like it's wrong that there's misery present or frustration present. We feel that if frustration is present, then that's what's present and this is all right. Although, I'm clear that I'm not thrilled with it, still, I know that it's a condition of life

[33:01]

and it's my condition right now and so, you know, I can accept that. So, having this kind of sense of spaciousness and not needing to fix everything is characteristic of the quality of patience. So, as I said a minute ago, the two things that we really need to do to help us develop it are, first of all, some meditation practice and secondly, the ability to reflect on our experience, which is not a small thing. It's not much emphasized really in Zen practice, but the truth is that if we're talking about, you know, real life that we all have to live for as long as we live, actually to reflect on our experience and what our basic purpose is in our living, what we want to actually do and what we don't want to do and how our mind works is pretty important. So, we need to reflect on this. We really need to be clear, just as we need to be clear that bodhicitta was really important and really worth working toward and really the only important thing. We had to kind of talk ourselves into that and think about it a little

[34:04]

bit and kind of really do some reflective thinking about our lives. In the same way, we really have to understand that anger and frustration that we're actively kind of pursuing, so to speak, instead of viewing with patient eyes is actually not really helpful and Shantideva's, most of his chapter is all about giving us a way of thinking about this, showing us in a million different ways that it never helps to be frustrated and angry and lashing out at somebody and blaming someone else. In fact, this only compounds our trouble and he shows us this in a variety of ways. So, there's three main aspects to the practice of patience, three divisions of it or modes of it. The first one is, and I'll use the terms that different commentators give different terms, but I'll use the terms that I think Akin Roshi has the nicest terminology. He says,

[35:06]

the first one is called, he calls gentle forbearance and this particularly has to do with those moments of frustration that you feel are someone else's fault. Usually, if only he, you know, I don't like the way he spoke to me or I don't like the way she looked at me or I don't like what he did and so on and so on. So, when those kinds of things happen to us, we get angry at the other person and then what we immediately do after that is we then become highly logical about the reasons why they really are, they never were any good to begin with and never liked us and the reason why they don't like us is because they have this problem and that problem. We begin generating a lot of thought about someone else and what their problems are and why it is that they are at fault in this particular case. A tremendous amount of effort goes into

[36:08]

this kind of justification of anger which is a completely useless effort really. So, and then when we're furious with someone else, of course, who's disturbed by this? We're disturbed by this. The other person might not even notice. In fact, usually they're removed from where we are and they're blissfully going about their business in a happy frame of mind while steam is coming out of our ears and we're completely miserable and unhappy. And so, who are we hurting? We're not hurting them at all and then we're wasting a tremendous amount of our own life energy justifying these harmful feelings that only we have and have nothing to do with the other person. So, he points all this out and makes it real clear that this is not helping. Plus, if we do come in the other person's neighborhood and we do have a chance to tell them exactly what we think of them, mostly what happens then is they have similar

[37:10]

feelings and thoughts about us which then they act on. And so then things escalate and instead of our anger relieving us, it actually only continues to hurt us even more. Even if we do completely beat the other person up and they slink away never to see us again, still there are going to be consequences from that. In other words, at its best, acting on our anger might provide momentary satisfaction, but then the consequences start rolling into that and that's usually not a good thing. So, then he has all these wonderful parts about how, maybe I told you this before, maybe it was some other year that I said this, but he talks wonderfully about how wonderful it is to have an enemy who will really do things to

[38:10]

provoke your anger. Because it's so beneficial to you to practice patience, that this person's behavior is a cause for you to practice patience, you should be paying them a salary for getting you angry. And even though you think that they're harming you, the reality is that their actions, which you are angry at, are going to be paid for by them. And so you don't need to worry about them. They're doing you a favor. They're going to pay for whatever wrongdoing they did by virtue of their own karma, but they have actually done you a favor because they're giving you the opportunity to develop this patience, which is the armor of the bodhisattva and something that you really, really need, which you may never have developed if it weren't for this nasty person. So we're on the lookout for a good, juicy enemy because they're hard to find. And actually, the truth is you have a hard time finding really, really nasty people. There aren't that many, really. I mean, people say things to each other that we don't like and so on, but to find somebody who's really nasty and really would provoke enough anger in you to develop deep, deep forbearance,

[39:17]

this is a rare person and we're on the lookout for such people. This is how Shantideva talks. And after you think about it for a while, you say, yes, this makes sense. And he says, one of his verses is, without frustration, there is no renunciation. There's no letting go without frustration. See, we need the grit of frustration in order to let go. He says, therefore, mind, stand firm. Without frustration, there's no renunciation. Therefore, mind, stand firm. In other words, therefore, practice patience. Okay, so the first one is, as I'm saying, is gentle forbearance. That's that one. Not getting angry at others. The second one is simply the patience that we call forth when we are under difficult circumstances that may or may not be the fault of someone that we can point to and get angry at. Health problems that we have or, you know, just frustration with ourself, the way that we,

[40:24]

maybe the way we behave or the way that things go in our life in a variety of ways. Here, patience has the quality of non-discouragement because that's what happens when we're not patient in a case like that. We may or may not be angry, but we definitely become discouraged. And a lot of times we get angry too. And this is, in a way, the most difficult kind of anger at all, a kind of non-specific, non-directed anger which can often flare out inappropriately. And we've all seen this, I think. I think people get angry at the universe. I remember when my father, bless his soul, was in the stages of dying, he would get angry frequently. And you could see that he was angry at the universe, you know, because it wasn't fair what was happening to him, he felt. And it was almost impossible for him to have that thought. And so he would get angry at things that were completely ridiculous to get angry at. But you could see that it was a kind of free,

[41:29]

floating anger. And it was very, very painful for him, very sad. So, not to let that happen to us, and not to get discouraged, but to be able to have a quality of non-discouragement and endurance in the face of great difficulties, recognizing that these kind of sufferings actually drive the mind deeper, and actually drive concentration deeper, and that they can be very important and very useful. Not that we seek such things. You know, I think one of the characteristics of intense Zen practice is to create suffering, so that you will have to go beyond it in order to survive. But I've realized over the years that we don't really have to do that. Because if we live and practice together in this world, there will be suffering that will drive your concentration deeper, if you practice over a lifetime. So, it's not really necessary to create artificial conditions of suffering, because it does happen

[42:32]

anyway. So, to see that that's really true, even though the situation we're in may be very unpleasant, and may be one that we would like to avoid, we begin to actually see, as our own experience, this, despite the unpleasantness of it, has a value. It has a real value, because I know that coming through this period, I will be able to understand more, and my life will deepen because of this. So, we have that kind of mind, instead of, you know, get me out of here, and I'm so depressed, I can't take this anymore, why does this happen to me, and so on and so on. Which is, you know, very natural. I mean, this is a natural state of mind that arises, and we shouldn't be surprised when that mind arises, but we should recognize it's not a helpful mind, and we need to be aware of it, stay with it, breathe into it, understand what we're aiming toward, and just keep on going with the practice. So, that's how we work with that one. That's the second one. The third one is the patience that it takes to stay with and deepen our understanding of dharma.

[43:38]

The path, we're always looking for, you know, results right away, and experiences right away, and there may be results that we can see, and experiences that we can see, but all the experiences immediately leap, as all experiences do, from the present into the past, and then they become a memory, and you can't live on memories. And all results also do the same, and in other words, we get nice results, but then life goes on, and we have other problems, and we get disappointed. How come we have problems, you know? Or how come we still have this problem? So, the results and experiences in dharma are encouraging, but if we don't practice patience, they turn into negativity. So, we have to have that kind of patience for the long haul in practice. So, those are the three kinds of patience. Gentle forbearance, endurance of hardship, and meditation on dharma. Those are the three aspects of patience. So, I want to just

[44:45]

conclude, and then we'll open it for discussion. I want to read some verses here from Shantideva, some of the more interesting ones that make some... We'll see what... ...and no strength like patience. Thus I should strive in various ways to meditate on patience. My mind will not experience peace if it fosters pain. I shall find no joy or happiness. Unable to sleep, I shall feel unsettled. So, now he's describing what actually happens to us when we're furious and frustrated. It's a very unpleasant experience. I mean, we actually might not be able to sleep, literally. We go fuming around. I mean, we try to do something and we pick something up and it falls. You ever notice? Your heart is pounding, your head is pounding. You're just, you know, really not... It's not a good thing. You don't like it. A master who has hatred is in danger of being killed, even by those who for their wealth and happiness depend upon

[45:46]

his kindness. So, even somebody who, you know, is really rich and people... Anger will make you kill somebody you love, right? That's the number one, right? The number one cause of murder is people love murdering people that they love a lot. Most murders happen in households, right? Husbands murdering wives and wives murdering husbands and children murdering parents and so on. By it, friends and relatives are disheartened. Though drawn by my generosity, they will not trust me. In brief, there is nobody who lives happily with anger. People become, you know, distrustful of you when you get angry frequently. Even though you're a wonderful person, if you're known to get angry and lash out in anger, people don't trust you. Hence, the enemy anger creates sufferings such as these, but whoever assiduously overcomes it finds happiness now and hereafter. Having found its fuel of mental unhappiness in the prevention of what I wish for and in the doing of

[46:51]

what I do not want, hatred increases and then destroys me." So, this is saying what I said earlier, that the fuel that creates hatred and anger is not getting what I want and getting what I don't want. These are the things that, this kind of frustration over this is what causes anger to arise. Therefore, I should totally eradicate the fuel of this enemy, for this enemy has no other function than that of causing me harm. So, in patience, you know, we understand that what arises is what arises. If it's not what I wanted to arise, we understand and even have, you can't overestimate the value of having a sense of humor about oneself in practice, because it actually is very funny that we persist, you know, in making ourselves miserable because, you know, what arises is not acceptable to us when there's absolutely no choice. You know, it's ridiculous. So, why do

[47:57]

we do that? Well, we have to be able to notice how ridiculous it is that we do that and just be with it, and then the fuel of the enemy will be dried up and the enemy will slink away. Whatever befalls me, I shall not disturb my mental joy, for having been made unhappy, I shall not accomplish what I wish and my virtues will decline. And then this is the famous stanza that's often quoted from Shantideva. He says, and this sounds like something they say in AA, I think. Yeah, it's like the serenity prayer, almost the same. He says, why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? Right? Makes sense. Why should you be frustrated and angry if you can do something about it? Why don't you just do it and make the problem go away? Why would you get upset about it? Why not just do something? And what is the use of being unhappy about something if it cannot be remedied? Right? If you can do something about it, why don't you just do it?

[48:57]

And then you don't have to be unhappy. So, he's saying here that to practice patience it's not necessary to let anybody do anything to you or anybody else that they want. That's not what he's saying. If you can do something about it, don't sit around and kvetch, you know, do something. And if you can't do something, why add on to the fact that it's a hopeless situation misery, more than is already there? Right? So, if you can do something about it, do it. If you can't, shut up. That's what he says. Very, very true, isn't it? Later on he says, uh, the causes of happiness sometimes occur, but the causes of suffering are very many. More suffering than happiness. So, you're going to have a lot of suffering. On the other hand, this is the lines I quoted earlier, without suffering there is no renunciation.

[49:59]

Therefore, mind, you should stand firm. And then here's something that's a really important point that he says in stanza number 14. There is nothing whatsoever that is not made easier through acquaintance. So, through becoming acquainted with small harms, I should learn to patiently accept greater harms. And then he goes on to discuss this more. So, I thought of this line earlier when we were talking about what we had found out this week, because that's one of the things, one of the real important things about doing our practice, I think, is that through the practice of sitting and the practice of awareness in all the things that we do, we become acquainted with what arises in our mind and the pattern of suffering that we create. And the more acquainted with it we are, the less power it has over us. So, anything,

[51:09]

he says, the more you get to know things, they seem less frightening and less difficult. There is nothing whatsoever that is not made easier through acquaintance, which I think we all know is true. It's when you avoid something, the more you avoid it, the heavier and more difficult it gets when you have to confront it. So, what he's saying here is, he's actually saying, train yourself to just look and be aware of even small difficulties, and then you can extend that to more greater difficulties. And when we sit in zazen, I think, we really see how our mind works. We see how our mind works vis-à-vis, you say, painful things, unpleasant things, how we avoid, how we try to hide, and we get direct understanding of how pain is a result of that. We see this very clearly. And we see it in our relationships, in sangha life. We have relationships and we see how avoiding someone creates more trouble for us and so on.

[52:12]

We see that we really have to have acquaintance with and admit into our life whatever is there. There's absolutely nothing in any of our lives that is not part of our practice and is not admitted into the realm of dharma. Absolutely nothing. There's nothing that's outside of our sphere of practice. So, everything can be admitted and we can be acquainted with everything. And we know that whatever arises in our mind must be one of the shapes of consciousness. Otherwise, it wouldn't arise. So, there's nothing that we would say, this is not to be admitted, not to be understood, not to be embraced as part of our practice, no matter what it is. And as we allow that in and as we become acquainted with it, our relationship to it little by little changes and we can begin to develop patience. It's when we can't look at it, when we can't become acquainted with it, we're frustrated and we flee,

[53:16]

that's when greater harm happens. Then he says, here's a section here which I thought was important to point out to you. Well, two different points. One here in verse 21, he says, Furthermore, suffering has good qualities. Now, we already talked about this a little bit, but he points out more of the good qualities of suffering here. Suffering has good qualities. Through being disheartened with it, arrogance is dispelled. Suffering kind of breaks us down. We go around thinking, wow, you know, I'm pretty good, I'm a pretty good person, or whatever it is. But then, you see this, somebody, a famous, I don't know what, the greatest heart surgeon in the world thinks they're the most important person. They go around feeling pretty self-satisfied, then all of a sudden something terrible happens in their life.

[54:18]

And it sort of takes the wind out of the sails and they become much more humble. And how often do you hear, ever since that happened to so-and-so, they're a much nicer person, much easier to get along with, and much more tender and humble. So that's an advantage of suffering, because for us to go around in that way that we were before, we might have thought, we'd swag it around thinking we were in good shape, but actually what we were doing was building up heaps of bad karma that's going to come and get us. So fortunately for us, the suffering came and stopped us from that kind of behavior. So through being disheartened with it, arrogance is dispelled, compassion arises for those in cyclic existence. And that's another thing that's very true, that suffering brings you closer to other people. If you suffer, all of a sudden you recognize, oh, other people have suffered in just this way. And when somebody approaches you with that suffering, you really understand.

[55:22]

And then they're so grateful. And then you feel happy because you were able to reach them. And you wouldn't be able to do that if you didn't have suffering. So it's absolutely necessary to have suffering in order to have compassion for people who have suffering. And then evil is shunned and joy is found in virtue. Because suffering is unpleasant, we want to escape from it. And the only way to escape from it fundamentally, because you can't escape from it by running away, the only way to escape from it is to do the practice. So suffering spurs you on to more practice. Now I know that for some people, when they undergo suffering, that's often the time when they abandon the practice. And that's a shame, because you should just do the opposite. And I know the times in my life when I have had terrific suffering, I could barely get on with things. Those are the times when it was wonderful to have something as

[56:28]

mindless to do as just go to zazen. What a relief, just to do the practice and just then pay attention to your knitting, so to speak. Just do simple things. Don't try to do anything more and try to be as mindful as possible. Those are the times to do that. And suffering makes it obvious that that's all you can do. If you run around and try to cover over the suffering, you make big problems. But if you just attend to the practice, so that's what he's saying here, suffering gets you to a place where you have no choice but to just do the practice, because it's the only thing that will keep you straight and that will help. So those are the advantages of suffering. And these are important advantages when you think about it. So actually, I'm not kidding when I say that experienced practitioners are always ready for suffering. When will suffering come? Because you understand it as an inevitability, not as a thing that you could possibly get around, but as an inevitability,

[57:33]

and you recognize that suffering brings with it advantages. So there's that attitude of, when will suffering come? How will I accept the challenge? How will I work with it? What will I learn from it? This is the way you feel. Then he says here, a little later on, now he's talking again about anger and about why it doesn't make sense to get angry at somebody for your problems. And this is an important kind of line of reasoning. Shantideva is very logical, even though this is a poem. It's a poem that turns on very logical points of view. It's a kind of meditation, a very rational reflection on experience. And he says here, all the mistakes that are, and all the various kinds of evil arise through the force of conditions. They do not govern themselves, which is to say that everything that happens, happens because of conditions.

[58:37]

So that if somebody does something to me that causes me to get angry, it's not them. It's the conditions in their life that have produced the necessity in them to act that way. So why get angry with them? If they hit me, why should I get angry? If they hit me with a, like she says here, somebody hits you with a club, you know, why don't you get angry at the club? Why get angry with the person? It's the club after all that hit you. And anyway, if you don't want to get angry with the club, why get angry with the person? Why don't you get angry with anger? Because it wasn't really the person. If they weren't angry, they wouldn't hit you. It's the anger and the club, not the person. And if you really have to get angry, why don't you get angry with your stupid attachment to your own body? Because if you weren't attached to your own body, if you didn't really mind what happened to your body, they could club you all they wanted, and it really wouldn't make you upset. So the fact of the matter is that the personality of this individual is the least of what you should

[59:42]

be angry with. It's the conditions in your own life and in the world, in their lives, that have created this. And of course, he goes on to point out that fundamentally, as with all afflictive emotions, they are also the result of conditions. And when you really see that and understand the nature of these afflictive emotions, you totally see through them. So the Buddha doesn't experience frustration and anger, because the Buddha sees through the real nature of frustration and anger. And to the Buddha, it doesn't appear as frustration and anger. It's only because of our misperception. So it always comes back to this fundamental point over and over and over again, that it's our misperception of the real nature of things that causes us to have these foolish notions that end up causing... And again, we don't have to go into the tremendous, absolutely mind-boggling things that happen in this world as a result of anger and frustration. I mean,

[60:47]

believe me, the day goes by when I'm not in grief. I mean, we have our little... See, to me, I can hardly even get excited about our little tiffs and struggles here, you know what I mean? I mean, once, fifteen years ago, someone almost punched somebody. I mean, that's it, you know. In twenty-five years, that's the only time that I know of that there was ever any... So in the meantime, go travel somewhere where people are blowing each other up every day, you know, because of the tremendous accumulation of anger and frustration. And there's no one to blame but anger and frustration, you know, generation after generation. I mean, it's absolutely the tragedy. Plenty of things happen to take lives, you know, earthquakes, fires, diseases, you know. So for people to do this to one another because of anger and frustration, that there's absolutely no cause for it whatsoever other than human stupidity,

[61:52]

it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. Don't get me started. So anyway, he goes on and on here, but he concludes by saying at the end of the... There's 135 stanzas in this chapter, and he concludes by saying something like, the entire path is the result of our good actions in the direction of sentient beings. Sentient beings are our tremendous gift. Even though we go around frustrated and angry with each other and with ourselves, the appearance of sentient beings is a Buddha field. It's the field of our practice. The appearance of these defiled or afflicted states of mind in our mind, the appearance of all kinds of people who are causing us trouble in various ways that we're angry with, all of this is exactly what we need in order to develop this bodhi mind.

[62:56]

So far from getting frustrated with it and wishing we could escape, which there's nowhere to escape anywhere, that we could possibly escape our own afflicted mind. So far from having an attitude like this, like, you know, my home is my castle, I'm going to hire a security guard and so on. Forget that. That doesn't really help. Recognize that all of this that we see around us is the field of our practice, is completely for us to use as a way to develop our mind and develop our positive attitude. So that's the story. So patience. So this week... Yeah, go ahead. Can I ask you a question on some of the points you just mentioned? Yeah, please. I think you called it a sobriety pleasure. Shani Davis says there's some things that you can do something about, you can't do something about, so you shouldn't waste your time. Yeah. Does he say anything, you know, like how you would know about, you know, which things you should do?

[63:59]

Yeah. Part two of his... Does he ever mention... I don't think so. I think the answer is no. Does he ever, you know, like mention the possibility that anger or the energy of anger, or the energy maybe somewhere around anger, before anger, something like this, could be a motivator, you know, in a positive direction. Right. Toward solving the problem, you know, as a spur. Right. Well, in answer to the first thing you raised, no, he doesn't say, you know, how you would tell the difference. I think he assumes that, you know, an intelligent person kind of, you know... I mean, if you have an incurable illness, well, you can't do anything about it. If, you know, you walk in your house every day and you trip over, you know, the doorstop, well, you can move the doorstop. You don't have to be frustrated about that.

[65:01]

If you, you know, live with someone who hates you and keeps hitting you with things, you can move out. But, you know what I mean? So I think it's sort of taken that it's common sense kind of judgment there. And as for the second one, no, in this particular... And I mentioned that a little bit in the beginning, that we could definitely talk about anger in other ways and show that, like I gave the example of the mother pulling a child, you know, off. And there's also another thing like righteous indignation, that kind of thing. And he doesn't talk about that because, for one thing, the idea of practicing a kind of tantra-like transformative practice for anger is something that he's not really dealing with here, not talking about. That's one thing to say. And the other thing is I would say myself that he's defining anger in a very particular kind of way. He's defining anger as like the drunken elephant running around, raging around. A person who's angry does not have the mind to

[66:06]

actually be effective at anything, according to the way he's conceiving of anger. So by definition, it's so. So if somebody has a kind of righteous indignation and uses that righteous indignation to be effectively doing something, then Shantideva might say, well, that person has transformed their anger into energy or enthusiasm, and it's not really anger in the sense that I mean anger. That kind of activity might be very beneficial. But here he's talking about an out-of-control hatred that doesn't have enough clarity in it to actually be effective at anything. That's what he means. He actually means that by anger. So I think in a sense what you're pointing toward is that there are, as always with these kind of texts, in the universe that they describe, they make perfect sense. But if we reflect on them, we might see some things that are outside the universe of the text that we might have to think about and bring in. And that's what

[67:07]

you're doing here, which I think is useful. But he doesn't really deal with that. So just, there may be other questions, but just to make sure that I get to it, how shall we practice with this for next week? Patience. So now we're all going to be, we want to be happily waiting for juicy moments of frustration and anger. We're hoping that there'll be some between now and next Tuesday, so that we can see how we practice with them. And can we, rather than being carted off by frustration and anger, would it be possible to catch ourselves when we, for example, begin having that long series of thoughts and reflections justifying our frustration and anger?

[68:07]

Or lashing out at something or someone else and telling why it is that that's a good idea. Can we stop ourselves in the middle of that and notice that that is what that is? And instead of that, maybe just breathe and just be aware of our mind. It was quite funny today. The day that I had was quite hilarious because I had anger and frustration today. And I noticed that coming, a certain thing happened, and then I came home and read this chapter. And I was sitting here reading the chapter as frustration and anger was arising in my mind, and it was quite funny, actually, in a certain way. I said to myself, you know, I'm going to go and talk about this. I'm always trying to practice what I preach, and not quite succeeding, but at least trying. And so it was a great challenge to me today.

[69:12]

And so the way I practiced with it today was I continued reading. And I really saw, fortunately, I could be in touch with my breath, and there was a calmness, you know, and it went away. It did go away, and I was able to let go of it, fortunately. So that's how I practiced with it. In other words, I kept on with what I was doing a little more slowly than I might have otherwise. I kept breathing, and I was aware of my breathing. And I was also aware, a person can be aware of many things at once, you know. You can actually listen to the Giants game on the radio, go for a walk, and think about something else all at the same time. It's possible. So I could breathe and be reading and also be aware of these things arising in my mind, and a little frustration with the fact that they were arising, you know, I could notice that. Wishing that they would go away, I could notice that, and then just stay with that. And then

[70:14]

little by little, I was very, very thrilled that it all sort of went away. Came back a little bit, and went away again. So like that, I'm suggesting maybe you can see. So look for some really juicy ones. This week, you know, like, well, maybe we should like, maybe go out of our way to do pretty nasty things to one another, in the hope that we could be a benefactor for each other, causing frustration and anger to arise, so that we could experience how we will work with this. So okay, let's try that and see if we can, you know, like, come up with any of those. You might be surprised about it, what happens. Anything else we want to raise? Any other questions or clarifications about what Shantideva, or at least my version of what Shantideva is saying? Well, what might a therapist type person say? Is there a difference between that and repression? Good, good point. Yeah, yeah. Well, you see, that's where, I think,

[71:20]

where the Buddhist practice part comes in. Because, you know, maybe somebody might think, well, there's two choices. You either express your anger or you repress your anger. It's going to be one or the other. So don't repress your anger. Repressed anger turns on yourself, you become depressed, etc., etc. Much better to express your anger. But from the standpoint of Shantideva and practice, I think that there's a third alternative. And that is awareness. That repressing anger and being aware of anger, admitting anger, are two different things. Very different. Expressing anger, I mean, there may be appropriate times and situations for expressing anger. And again, that's outside the box of Shantideva. We can talk about that. But basically, it's not necessary to do that if you can actually digest your own anger through awareness and through practice. And for a lot

[72:23]

of people, that's not really possible. You have to have enough spaciousness in it. You have to have some sense of the craft of doing this, which is its own kind of thing. So it might not be a good idea for some people. It may be that those are the only two choices. But I know myself that for practitioners, we do have this other kind of choice, which I think really is effective and really does work and really does deal with the situation. Now, I don't deny for a minute that there's also such a thing as practicing the Buddha way and repressing anger or whatever it is. We can certainly do that. And I know people who practice for many, many years and repress whatever it is that's inside of them. But it's within, as we see from something like Shantideva, it's completely within the realm of Buddhist practice to work with our afflictive states of mind, to actually actively look at what's there and work with it. So that's what this is all about.

[73:27]

Now, the book that you're reading from, Shantideva, what is the name of that? I think you mentioned that it was that book, right? I thought it was, but my friends at the city center tell me they have it in the bookstore over there. Oh, really? Yeah, that's what they told me. It's called A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life by Shantideva. And this is a wonderful book that you read it over and over again. This is the third or fourth time I'm reading it. So if you have any inclination to get it, maybe you could. Do we have it here? Well, we have one left. Yeah. Oh, there you go. And then maybe you could get, if people wanted to order some copies, maybe we could get them from the city center and they could be available. Yeah. What would you say whining is? Like complaining and whining. Would that be a form of anger? I think so. I think so, yeah. Yeah. It's the same sort of thing, a refusal to be with the actual conditions that you're living in.

[74:49]

Yeah. I'm just looking at an instance today where I felt like someone expressed anger at me and then I could feel my own anger. And trying to figure out what would be an appropriate situation to say that that's what I thought happened, what are all the motivations? And at this point it feels like I can feel my anger propelled me to want to say, hey, this is how it felt to me. But there's so many other factors of, is that just my anger coming back, wanting to hurt the other person? A part of me thinks, if I don't share how this really works, will the person see that, you know? And then putting myself in the role of driving another person's behavior. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, clearly it seemed like the safest thing is just to wait and see how it all works out. And to notice that there definitely is anger on my part,

[75:50]

because when I feel that propulsion, that's my anger. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I think whenever there's, I mean, people are really affected by anger, you know, I think. Even people who go around being angry all the time at other people and they don't seem to even notice, they notice somewhere in them. So I think it's always good to go back when there's been an instance of anger and, you know, apologize or somehow try to understand it. But it's better to wait until you're not angry anymore, right, before doing that, because then it maximizes the possibility of real understanding. But generally, you know, like I think the effort to guide other people, right, and straighten out their behavior probably hardly ever helps, right? Nobody likes to be guided, right? They want to guide themselves. We all want to guide ourselves. So I think one has to look at it from the point of view of one's own anger, you know, and say, well, I feel badly now that, now that I just, you know, shouted at you. Number one, I feel badly. And number two,

[76:55]

I feel pretty certain that you are going to not be happy the next time you see me, which is bad for me, because I don't like it when people are unhappy when they see me. So for me, I need to go and talk to you about how I feel about what I did. And also, if I do that, I might make a friend out of an enemy, which is better for me. If in the course of that you learn something about your behavior, that's wonderful, but that's not my sphere. And there's one, you know, there's a way of practicing where you, I mean, of course, in real life, there are times when we have to look at other people's behavior and make discriminations, depending on our role and, you know, what we're doing and so on and so forth. And then we have to do that as fairly as possible. But there is a wonderful possibility in Buddhist practice to do the practice of never examining other people's behavior, understanding that that's not what I'm doing right now. Right now, I'm looking at my own mind, and I'm not at all, even if somebody's raving, you know,

[77:59]

it's not my problem. It's not what I need to worry about. I need to worry about my own responses. And there's a great relief in this, because somebody told me one time, they came and interviewed and they said, boy, I'm so busy solving everybody else's problems and worrying about whether everybody else is doing everything right, that I hardly have time to notice, you know, what's going on in my own life. And how many of us are like this, you know, always sort of figuring out whether the next guy is right or wrong or behaving poorly or well. So I think we're all better off just letting all that go. You know, especially in residential practice, you have the luxury of letting that go and having a certain level of cooperation and mutual commitment. That you can be fairly certain that the other person is worried about their behavior. You don't need to. All right. Well, thank you very much.

[79:00]

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